<p>@abasket, your question seems to imply that parents who don’t want their kids to get tattoos regard it as a class marker.</p>
<p>Certainly, it <em>used</em> to be a class marker. I don’t think it is anymore in and of itself, although the style of tattoos still has class or cultural overtones. I have to say that if my kid got a tattoo in his arm that looked like something a drunken sailor got in port 75 years ago, I would indeed be more horrified than if he got something discrete and sophisticated and hipsterish. But I would also be horrified if he got a full sleeve a la Adam Levine or John Mayer, even if it were a masterpiece by a top tattoo artist. Is this because I would be embarrassed? I would be embarrassed in front of family because it would be an extremely visible sign of poor judgement, not because they would magically think he had lost social status. I would not be embarrassed by the discrete, hipsterish thing, although it would certainly be the object of discussion by his grandmother and aunt! I would venture to guess that the younger generation wold be less interested, although none of them are tattooed either.</p>
<p>No one in my family has tattoos. This is partially a cultural thing. No one in my family pierces the ears of their baby daughters, either. I do have a niece by marriage through H’s family who has tattoos. She grew up in a very blue collar town in NJ with her mother’s family (and has been in and out of rehab). She does not share the same cultural background.</p>
<p>I would flip, I admit, if he got an ear gauge or some other facial piercing. I like earrings on guys, although honestly, he just isn’t the type. :)</p>
But the question is not “would you object”, it is “would you withhold money that you otherwise would have given”, as that has been a point of contention on here. If you would withhold money because they had spent some of it on a tattoo, would you also withhold money even if none of your money was spent? The objection itself is assumed.</p>
Legally, sure. That is not and has not been in contention. The question is should you do so.</p>
<p>To give a parallel, the First Amendment means I have the legal right to walk around being rude to every person I meet. That doesn’t mean that I should, nor that it would make the world a better place for me or anyone else!</p>
<p>If my kids got tattoos, I don’t think I’d withhold any money (except I wouldn’t pay for the tattoo directly). But they would get endless grief over it.</p>
<p>So far, neither of them has expressed much real interest in getting one.</p>
<p>While I don’t think I would ever consider a tatto for myself, I don’t have any strong opinions one way or the other if someone else chooses to have one. I don’t get the point of huge tattoos or of sleeves, etc., and I tend to picture what they will be like when the bearer’s are older and the skin starts sagging and the color starts fading. I really did not get the young woman with 2 little kids who I saw at the store recently- she had a tattoo that went from her neck up the side of her face all the way to the hairline. I can imagine that one might limit her employability quite a bit. My husband really does not like them and is vocal about it. He says he would think twice about hiring someone with a visible tattoo, and while I totally disagree with him, it really is his choice. My main objection to my kids getting one would be that I don’t think it would be a good use of their money, just as I don’t think going to Starbucks frequently would be a good use of their money. The older ones are self-supporting now and it is none of my business, but I think maybe my frugalness has rubbed off on them and they would agree with me. The youngest is still in college, and I would have an issue with him spending money on a tattoo during the time we are helping him graduate with no loans. </p>
<p>Yep,I’m an overbearing tyrant. In fact, I’m so controlling of my daughter who turned 18 just four days ago that she’s currently in Nepal on a trek, and I haven’t had contact with her for 6 days (I’m not worried, but her Big Sister in her sorority is totally freaking out). I TRUST my kids. I don’t do inspections of their bodies for tattoos, I don’t read their emails (but I did when they were 10 years old). They don’t want to escape from me, and in fact one begged me to pick her up from school today because she doesn’t want to wait until tomorrow to come home. There have been threads on CC about kids not returning calls or texts from their parents once they go to college, and I’m in the opposite position - my kids have called/text me constantly since they’ve been at their colleges (never did this in high school).</p>
<p>My parents asked us (6 kids) not to smoke, and none of us ever did although ALL my friends did. We were actually considered wild children in our small town, but we all went to school every day and we didn’t smoke. We weren’t actually receiving a lot of financial support, so it was more a matter of respect that they asked very little from us, and it was something we could do to respect them. A guy I knew was required by his father not to do trick skiing and flips (back when the sport of freestyle skiing was just starting). He did it behind his father’s back because it was what he wanted to do, it wasn’t illegal, so he just did it. Father stopped supporting him and his skiing. Choices.</p>
<p>I don’t believe all of you who say you have no financial control over your college kids. No rules of what they do with their money at all? No requirements that they not spend it on foolish things? Last Saturday when my daughter was 17 it was fine for me to control her decisions (even though she’d completed a semester of college) but on Sunday, when she was suddenly 18, my saying no tattoo was controlling and out of line? You are all find with your kids engaging in gambling, drinking, becoming exotic dancers if they do it legally, and you’ll keep paying the tuition bills? I don’t believe it.</p>
<p>“Being willing to let a good kid face a lifetime of hardship to prove a point seems short-sighted, cruel and unrealistic. I wonder how many who say they’d do this have actually gone through with it.”</p>
<p>Oh, I bet at one point we said it to our kids, but I doubt we’d follow through by actually withdrawing money for college.
Luckily, neither of them appears to have the slightest interest. It just isn’t their taste, either. Not that it <em>couldn’t</em> be, but it just is. They’re both pretty preppy and clean-cut in their clothing and taste. Normcore, I think the word is :-)</p>
I think the point is that many of us, even those who hate tattoos, think that they are a relatively trivial matter, and not serious enough to justify cutting off support over. Let’s put it this way: if your kid came to you to ask for permission to get a modest, covered tattoo that he would pay for himself, for reasons that he could support with some rationality, would you still tell him that you would cut off his tuition if he did so? That’s what would seem like excessive control to me. In other words, is it really about the tattoo, or is it really about the defiance of your will?</p>
<p>“Cutting off support”, no. Expressing disappointment in the choice, giving some measure of good-natured grief to them over it, sure. The extent to which would depend on whether it was indeed the small hidden or discreet rose on the ankle, or the now-I’m-not-employable-full-sleeve look. </p>
<p>And there is no planet in which I’m going to think a tramp stamp isn’t anything but a class marker, and one that indicates low class (which has nothing to do with money). The fact that it’s not visible in clothes – why, come to think of it, I <em>would</em> rather have my daughter have a rose on her ankle that is still somewhat visible, than a tramp stamp on her behind. </p>
Gambling? Sure… depending on how much and in what manner. I’ve played poker, I’ve even messed with slot machines a couple of times. If they want to have a weekly $20 buy-in poker game, I have no problem with that. If they want to gamble $1000 at Atlantic City THEN we might have a problem.</p>
<p>Drinking? Again it becomes a matter of scale. I used to be a sommelier, my FIL makes wine, I have a few drinks in an average week. It would be hypocritical of me to demand my kids teetotal when I clearly have no problem with drinking in moderation. If I think my kid is drinking so much that it is negatively impacting their studies or their health then I will step in. Otherwise, why would I tell an adult that they can’t do what I do?</p>
<p>Exotic dancing? That’s an interesting one. I think my main objection to that one would be that during college they should be looking for part-time employment that will help them in their future career, and I am not sure that there are any (besides theatre?) that would benefit from time on a stripper pole. I wouldn’t be happy if they were doing it, but I think the last thing I would want to do in this case is take them out of college and make stripping their career!</p>
<p>So much of this comes down to scale and details. My kid wants a dragon tattooed on her butt? Why would I care? She wants a swastika on her forehead? Yes, I have a problem with that.</p>
<p>FYI, I wasn’t implying that tattoos or being embarrassed by them to be a “class” marker. Just an “embarrassment” marker. I’m a big advocate of taking “class” out of most situations and just looking at the situation.</p>
<p>This reminds me of the old joke about 2 urology nurses talking over the water cooler. The old,cranky, gray-haired nurse said "did you see the tattoo that patient had on his "private?It said “swan”. The young, blonde nubile nurse smiled coyley and said " actually, it said “said Saskatchewan”.</p>
<p>“You are all find with your kids engaging in gambling, drinking, becoming exotic dancers if they do it legally, and you’ll keep paying the tuition bills? I don’t believe it.”</p>
<p>Of course I would keep paying his tuition! Why would someone choose to waste all the tuition money they’ve already spent to end up with a kid who has no college degree? </p>
<p>My son and his mates went to Montreal over Oct. break when they were freshman because they were legal to drink there and there is a casino. IIRC, my kid lost money but not very much. Every summer his college buddies come up and they all go to the track. They win some and lose some. </p>
<p>I walked into his dorm when he was a Sophomore and he and his roommates had a very well stocked bar set up. </p>
<p>If he wanted to be an exotic dancer/ to earn money it would be fine by me. I have a friend who is a doctor who was a male stripper when he was in college to earn money - and he earned a lot. He wasn’t a poor kid either - his father was a doctor. </p>
<p>I can’t think of anything my kid could possibly do, unless he ended up in jail, which would cause me to stop paying tuition. Even if he flunked out of his school - I would want to him to find a college where he could succeed. He might have to work awhile before he was mature enough to go back - but I would pay his tuition when that time came. </p>
<p>Yes, if my child came to me with a request for me to change my mind about tattoos,even if she were calm, asked nicely, I’d still say no. I’m not changing my mind. There is NO good reason that the child has to have a tattoo at age 18. Yes, I understand she (not a boy in my case) may really really really want a tattoo. My kids really really really REALLY wanted a dog when they were little, and for a lot of reasons we couldn’t have one and I actually LIKE dogs. Sometimes kids don’t get what they really want or they have to wait for it. Sometimes parents have to make the decisions and sometimes they just GET to make the decisions. In this case, I get to make the decision.</p>
<p>Yes, it’s my line in the sand and if they cross it, that’s it. Both understand the rule and know the consequences. Getting the tattoo would have to be planned and deliberate. Many of you don’t think tattoos are a big deal so let your kids get them, pay for them, ignore them. One of my kids wants to be an actress so it may be important in her future not to have marred skin. The other regrets almost every purchase she makes so would, I believe, regret the tattoo. If either kid came to me and wanted to get married I’d also say that I didn’t agree with the decision, and if she married, she’s declaring independence. Chewing tobacco? Out (and disgusted).</p>
<p>My niece and nephew have tattoos. They are not awful, but I still don’t like them. They are over 25 years old, and they are ‘professional kiteboarders’ a profession where tattoos are expected if not required. Good for them. They aren’t my kids, I didn’t pay for them. Do I judge them? Absolutely. Would I hire either of them? If I had manual labor to do, but not to represent my company. Image matters. I wouldn’t go to a dentist with a big tattoo or a gauge. I don’t like tattoos on waiters or servers, and sometimes make decisions based on the image of the restaurant. I rarely watch basketball anymore because I don’t like the players will all the tattoos. I just don’t like them.</p>
I would venture to guess that the younger generation wold be less interested, although none of them are tattooed either.</p>