<p>“You are all find with your kids engaging in gambling, drinking, becoming exotic dancers if they do it legally, and you’ll keep paying the tuition bills? I don’t believe it.”</p>
<p>There’s a gigantic gap between a kid getting a small tattoo and legally buying a beer, or putting a few quarters in a slot machine and wasting gobs of money doing any of those things. And I know only one former exotic dancer-she is an obstetric nurse with a Master’s degree from a highly ranked college.</p>
<p>Kids make mistakes. Tossing them out for small mistakes and cutting off contact seems like an insane price to pay rather than talking it out. I don’t consider a tattoo a small mistake mind you, but I’ve got adult children who made small-even large mistakes and I can disapprove without cutting out their hearts and tossing them on the street. Even kids who make big mistakes usually grow up and become good, kind adults. I hope for your kids’ sake they never have to learn what it’s like to have their parent throw them away because of a decision they’ve made. </p>
<p>I don’t think it means a thing that you let your kid travel in distant lands. She is only traveling where YOU approve doing something YOU signed off on ahead of time. She might be finding the cure for cancer but if she comes home and says she had a drink, you’d toss her out. I can barely even process that kind of thinking.</p>
<p>You weren’t asking me, but I’ll bite. Personally, I don’t consider paying for an education to be flushing money down drain, even if the kid didnt graduate. Many parents pat a lot of $$ for private school or boarding school, or therapeutic schools or residential treatment programs which may or may not be “successful”. But I wouldn’t pay for a tattoo. I’d pay for something I support, not something I don’t.</p>
<p>“Personally, I don’t consider paying for an education to be flushing money down drain, even if the kid didnt graduate.”</p>
<p>I think there is a difference between your examples and a tatt. I wouldn’t consider it flushing money down the drain if the reason was something like flunking out (not that I’d be thrilled but,) mental health or physical issues, etc., - but for something so trivial like my kid doing something I don’t approve of - I think is nuts. Cutting off your nose to spite your face, imo. And to what end? </p>
<p>Let her do it! I think it’s important when you get older, to make decisions and have to deal with the consequences. I don’t LOVE mine, but it’s mine, and that’s what I like.</p>
<p>I agree jym, that no education is ever wasted. And true, therapeutic schools and rehab programs are NOT always successful. But to stop all education payouts over a $30 tattoo seems just insane to me. One has nothing to do with the other. Rehab or special boarding programs are designed to get an already way-ward kid back on track. A traditional college education is designed to help them CONTINUE their forward movement on a GOOD track. Pulling that out from under them for a small transgression is a life-altering decision. No kid is perfect and I doubt that tattoos, drinking, smoking and gambling are this guy’s only “lines in the sand”.</p>
<p>My ex had a very controlling father and he was a very compliant kid. And he loved his dad but he was permanently damaged by the way he was raised. He really believed that if he chose the “wrong thing” or displeased me in any way I would stop supporting and caring for him. It was painful to see and it was in part why our marriage ended. Kids need to be allowed some leeway or they will grow up learning that might makes right-always, and not learn what unconditional support means.</p>
<p>I don’t know who you, sseamom and emilybee are responding to, but I never said anything about cutting off funds because of a tattoo. I simply said I wouldn’t pay for one (a tattoo), and that I dont consider paying for education to be flushing money down the toilet. If someone said they would stop paying their kids tuition if they kid got a tattoo, that was someone else.</p>
<p>jym-others have said they would cut off their child’s education because of a tattoo. I was responding to you personally about ANY education not being wasted. I agreed. The entirety of what I said, though, is directed at anyone who thinks that it’s a good idea to cut off funds over a tattoo. I didn’t intend the entire answer to be only for you. Sorry for the misunderstanding. </p>
True… but why do your wishes have to trump theirs? I have always considered that the obedience of my children was always to fulfill a purpose, and I just can’t see the purpose in this.</p>
<p>Personally, I think there is a difference between doing something that parents dont approve of (drinking, being an exotic dancer, whatever) and making a permanent, significant change to their physical appearance. While I dont like tattoos, I would not likely be bothered by a small, tasteful one. Bit artwork, as I said, I just don’t get. Neither of my s’s or their significant others have tattoos, that I know of.</p>
<p>“I don’t know who you, sseamom and emilybee are responding to, but I never said anything about cutting off funds because of a tattoo. I simply said I wouldn’t pay for one (a tattoo).”</p>
<p>I was responding to your opinion that any money spent on education is never money down the drain - and I agree it’s not with the specific examples you gave. However, I disagree when the reason is as trivial as a tatt, or drinking, smoking, having sex, etc - or whatever behavior the parent thinks is bad. </p>
<p>I also think it’s wrong when parents cut off their kids’s tuition when their grades don’t meet their standards - but at least that reason has an educational component to it. </p>
<p>Who in their right mind would spend all that money and then deliberately cut off a kid financially - in effect making their kid a drop out - because they don’t like something their kid is doing? </p>
<p>Yeah, I think that is a huge waste of money. But it’s not my money, so. </p>
Where is the word NEVER in my previous post? I did not say that. Please don’t put words in my mouth. That said, in general, I am a big believer in the value of education. I am not a believer in the value of a tattoo.</p>
When what reason is trivial? Are you talking about a parent cutting off college tuition payments? There may be some situations where it may be appropriate- like if a kid is partying , not attending classes and failing. Maybe taking a break from school, working a bit and getting back on track is a better idea. My kids probably wasted some of their college allowance money on stuff I dont want to know about. One s. did spend/overspend/waste a bunch of it, some of which was on something we didnt agree with and we had a “come to Jesus” conversation with him. It was a learning experience for him and worked out in the longrun.</p>
<p>“Where is the word NEVER in my previous post? I did not say that. Please don’t put words in my mouth. That said, in general, I am a big believer in the value of education. I am not a believer in the value of a tattoo.”</p>
<p>“Personally, I don’t consider paying for an education to be flushing money down drain, even if the kid didnt graduate.”</p>
<p>I’m sorry, but I took this ^ to mean that you don’t consider paying for an education to be flushing money down the drain - even if the kid didn’t graduate, no matter what the reason is (including, if the parent is the one cutting the kid off for doing something the parent didn’t like.) I apologize if that isn’t what you mean - but then what did you mean? </p>
<p>I am a very big believer in education - which is why I find it mind boggling that a parent would deliberately cut off their kid financially and squash the chance of their child getting a college degree - especially after spending thousands and thousands of dollars up to that point. It’s insane. </p>
<p>I think I responded to your question about what I meant in the post above.</p>
<p>There are reasons that a parent might choose to cut off the money train. And just because a parent cuts off the funds does not, IMO, mean it squashes the kid’s chance of getting a college degree. It just means the plans and rules have changed. Kid might have to work before returning, might have to transfer schools, might have to finish on line. Doesn’t mean all is lost. Just means the kid now has more skin in the game. Its probably not a decision I’d make under most circumstances, but I can understand if a parent feels otherwise and has their reasons. </p>
<p>Apologies for all the typos above. Still recovering from today’s colonoscopy. If any words dont make sense (like I meant BIG artwork, not BIT artwork in #251)</p>
<p>“And just because a parent cuts off the funds does not, IMO, mean it squashes the kid’s chance of getting a college degree. It just means the plans and rules have changed. Kid might have to work before returning, might have to transfer schools, might have to finish on line. Doesn’t mean all is lost. Just means the kid now has more skin in the game. Its probably not a decision I’d make under most circumstances, but I can understand if a parent feels otherwise and has their reasons.”</p>
<p>What I think would happen is the kid would likely not finish college and any relationship with the parents would likely be severely damaged or severed completely. I wouldn’t blame the kid, either. </p>
<p>Why a parent would deliberately do something like that to their child(ren) is beyond my comprehension. It’s cruel, imo. </p>
<p>Growing up Jewish I heard my aunts and uncles and many of my parents friends declare that if their kids married outside our religion they would be disowned. Of course, when their kids did, not one of them followed through on their threat. </p>
<p>I’d put money on it that the poster with the line in the sand wouldn’t follow through either. </p>
<p>There are indeed valid reasons for discontinuing tuition, but my list only includes factors that significantly affect academic performance or health. A tattoo simply doesn’t meet that standard. </p>