<p>An interesting study at the University of Notre Dame found that randomly assigned roommate pairs could transmit something called “cognitive vulnerability” from one roommate to the other. While not actually depression, cognitive vulnerability is a way of thinking that can lead to depression. It was thought to be fixed and unchanging by adolescence, but this study indicates otherwise.</p>
<p>It’s impossible to do much about this when roommate assignments are random. Perhaps the main actionable strategy is to be aware that this issue can exist - if one’s roommate is an apparent “downer,” either changing roommates or seeking other company would seem to be the best options. Or, since the “catchiness” works both ways, work at staying upbeat and positive to bring your roommate up with you.</p>
<p>For years, self-help experts have told us to “avoid being with people who are unhappy or get you down” - maybe they were on to something with that advice.</p>
<p>Well, it’s been known that family members become more…vulnerable when living with someone like that, so I’d imagine it’s even more the case when that person is in a 12x12 room with them. Changing rooms is the self-preserving thing to do, but it’s sure not going to help the individual they’re escaping from. Likewise, that advice to stay away, long-term ostracism is certainly not going to help someone struggling with depression. To the extent the college has a responsibility, it’s not to favor one roommate over the other, if this advice leads to putting all depressives in singles.</p>
<p>From my own experience, I would agree with this. Freshmen arrive fairly vulnerable to a new environment, and are away from home for the first time, without the adults in their lives to discuss things with ( if they did). One thing that I noticed in college was that we were all the same age, going through the same thing where at home one would have siblings, and neighbors that could put things into perspective. It was a long time ago, but I remember “feelings” being contageous.</p>
<p>The fact that being around unhappy people makes you unhappy is long-confirmed. It’s annoying that they can pose this as a unique finding by just applying it to college dorms. :/</p>
<p>Philovitist, I think what surprised the researchers was that cognitive vulnerability, which had been thought to be difficult to change after adolescence, could be changed in short order by the freshman roommate experience. </p>
<p>The authors of the study suggest that there may be other common life situations where this happens, too.</p>
<p>I hope colleges and families can use this information in a proactive way. I don’t think it would be ethical to screen for or isolate students with depression, but perhaps the university counseling staff could help with awareness and early treatment for students and room mates.
Confidentiality is important, but sometimes counseling includes family members. A school counselor seeing a student for depression might ask for permission to reach out to the room mate.</p>
<p>Roger_Dooley: “For years, self-help experts have told us to “avoid being with people who are unhappy or get you down” - maybe they were on to something with that advice.”</p>
<p>Pennylane2011: "I hope colleges and families can use this information in a proactive way. I don’t think it would be ethical to screen for or isolate students with depression, "</p>
<p>Sorry, I do not know how to quote on here.</p>
<p>I find this entire topic slightly offensive. As yes, it is important for students to not become “depressed,” remember that the roommate has “feelings too.” </p>
<p>I’m a senior in high school currently diagnosed with major depression for multiple years now. I don’t consider myself a “downer,” but I would be very hurt if my roommate started avoiding me because of my mental illness. I’m sure you’re all aware that depression is a disease just like any other - I cannot help that I’m depressed, it’s a chemical imbalance. I shouldn’t be punished by unfriendly interactions and avoidance by my future roommate because of what I cannot help. I guess I would prefer, if my roommate were that prejudice against mentally ill people, that they would just switch roommates.</p>
<p>There are other depressed people who tend to bring others down, and I understand that, but I think you should maybe classify this under something else. Even the most confident student could just be a “negative nelly” and therefore bring down their roommate too. It’s more personality than anything. If someone who’s a “downer” is your roommate and you don’t get along with downers, then it’s the same as not liking a roommate who’s too perky or too disorganized. Just work around each other.</p>
<p>Kawhitney- that’s why I mentioned that it’s unethical to look into someone’s depression and confidentiality. You have every right to expect to have an equal opportunity to be involved in student life and not be stigmatized.</p>
<p>However, I don’t think a person’s living situation can be ignored if they need help- and by that, I mean counseling. A room mate situation is very personal and many things one room mate does can affect the other- and it takes an adjustment. It does not have to be mental illness- it can be a physical condition, someone with severe allergies, (can’t bring certain foods or perfumes into the room), or a situation like homesickness or family stress, and many other things.</p>
<p>All room mates need to adjust to each other, and in some cases, if it is detrimental to one or both, something has to be done to help them. I mostly meant that if this study is to be helpful, then perhaps the realization that both room mates may need support if one of them is depressed will allow the school to better help both of them- perhaps even by keeping them together as room mates and teaching them how to be supportive to each other and ways for each to stay healthy.</p>
<p>Your college roommate is probably the first person you will spend time with. However, if he/she doesn’t happen to hit it off with you, you should look to form friends with others you have more things in common with. Just because you are assigned as roommates doesn’t mean you have to spend all of your time with them, particularly if you find you don’t have much in common.</p>
<p>I am sure there will be others you find you have more in common with from the classes you attend.</p>
<p>kawhitney - I wouldn’t expect my roommate to hang out all the time no matter what but yeah, when someone living with you or others on your floor avoid you entirely, it gets noticed and it sucks.</p>
<p>As someone who overcame depression after six years without the use of medication, positive thinking is HUGE – maybe even the biggest aspect of depression. If you have a negative roommate, bet him/her $20 to not say anything negative for a week. See if their attitude has changed at the end of it.</p>
<p>An old adage that has bumped around for some time poses the question: “attitudes are contagious, are mine worth catching?” It is impossible to have a feeling without a thought first. Every negative (and positive) feeling is a direct result of thought. If you have the thought, “My teacher doesn’t like me — I never get attention in class,” the fact that you now feel bad about school and your teacher came about as soon as that thought came to mind. It all takes place in the blink of an eye and we may not even realize it. </p>
<p>For anyone who is “feeling depressed”, it would be wise to examine your thought patterns and to realize a negative downward spiral can occur without realizing it and then suddenly you are not feeling so well. Carry these thought patterns around for a lifetime and you could start to see the world as a scary place where you are not liked. </p>
<p>I would have to agree with other comments about being around depressing people. I avoid anyone who is a downer and has a negative outlook on the world. Who wants to be around anyone that saps your good energy with negative and depressing talk? I choose to be around people who are happy and enthusiastic or at least neutral. </p>
<p>If you change your thoughts, you can change your emotions. It takes daily practice and attention to cultivate better thought patterns, but it can be done. At the end of every school day, I always ask my kids to tell me something good that happened. They love telling me something good and it lifts everyone’s spirits. It then becomes a mental habit. Positive energy and thoughts are like money in the bank! They create good feelings and build you up. When disappointments come your way, you have something to withdraw from the bank because you have many positive feelings built up to support you. Aerobug has it right! And congratulation Aerobug, that is a skill you can use for the rest of your life!</p>
<p>I don’t post much on CC but as someone who has had depression in the past, I feel like I need to chime in here.</p>
<p>As much as positive thinking can be helpful for people in most situations, when people are depressed they often simply don’t feel or aren’t <em>able</em> to just “think positive.” If my roommate challenged me (as a person with depression, hypothetically) to not say anything negative for a week, I would feel like they were simplifying and reducing my mental illness and interfering in a way that they should not - in an unhelpful way.</p>
<p>And for anyone who says that they don’t want to hang out with people who are “downers,” I’d first think about the distinction between “downers” and “people who have depression.” They are very different. Furthermore, I’d much rather have close friends who are honest and share with me what is going on in their lives than people who pretend to be happy all the time. All of us struggle. I want to hear about what is happening so I can support them, no matter whether it is positive or negative at any particular time, and this is one of the ways in which my close friend really helped me when I had depression. I appreciated her sticking by me.</p>
<p>Finally, I feel like the framing of depression as “contagious” is unnecessary. Why do we need to use such a loaded adjective? Sure, maybe being around people who are depressed can be difficult if you’re with them 24/7, but I don’t understand why we need to equate depression with contagion, as if just by being around them we’re going to get sick ourselves. Isn’t that going to lead to further alienation, whereas what we really need is better understanding and support? (This is more a comment on the article than anything else. I understand that they may have wanted to catch people’s attention with the title and all, but I think it’s problematic.)</p>
<p>All of that being said, I appreciate the fact that this discussion is going on, as I feel that mental illness is something that is not discussed enough in a constructive way.</p>
<p>(Sorry if I don’t respond to anyone who comments - like I said, I don’t come on here often, and I may forget to check the site.)</p>
<p>That’s an excellent contribution Repping13. Nice to see that someone gets it. Yeah i mean, it’s a gross simplification for some. If that worked for you Aerobug, great, we should all be so lucky. Maybe i’m just sick of doctors who say it’s a problem with attitude, cause I’m like, there’s nothing wrong with my attitude! “Thinking positive” only helps to a point. </p>
<p>What people who go on about this don’t even realize is how insulting it comes across. You may as well say “It’s your fault; just try harder.” Likewise with the being around depressives and their “negative and depressing talk,” I don’t go around projecting my problems onto others, certainly not around those who won’t understand nor be of any help. Others will bring it up though, even when we don’t want to talk about it. Did you ever think of that possibility? Get over yourself.</p>
<p>I am extremely concerned about the direction that this thread is taking, in light of the fact that there is almost an epidemic of teen and young adult suicide. The idea that being depressed is something that others should avoid further alienates people who feel this way.</p>
<p>As a child I had a polyanna view of the world. When my mother died at a very young age I was thrown into reality. Life is tough and to only view it from a positive point of view is just not realistic, and I believe, gives children an unrealistic foundation in which to grow up.</p>
<p>Things happen that are upsetting. People hurt our feelings, loved ones die, people get sick, and parents lose jobs. To pretend that these things do not upset us and put on a happy face is not the way to handle life. </p>
<p>To count our blessings and appreciate what is good is wonderfully important. To PRETEND that all is well when, in fact, we are hurting inside is dangerous to our psyche, and, quite frankly, means that we are not being honest…with ourselves or others.</p>
<p>And now back to the topic of this thread - PLEASE do not ignore or run from a roommates pain. Please get them help so that they can avoid further pain and possible suicide!</p>
<p>“Things happen that are upsetting. People hurt our feelings, loved ones die, people get sick, and parents lose jobs. To pretend that these things do not upset us and put on a happy face is not the way to handle life. To count our blessings and appreciate what is good is wonderfully important. To PRETEND that all is well when, in fact, we are hurting inside is dangerous to our psyche, and, quite frankly, means that we are not being honest…with ourselves or others.”</p>
<p>Quest best- I could not agree with you more, and perspective on any event is key. it is not so much about what happens, but how you handle it. People who are not able to keep things in perspective and do not have good support systems need guidance. But to expect another 17 or 18 year old to counsel and caretake or look after someone who is experiencing depression is quite dangerous as well. Expecting a roommate to be the eyes and ears for parents or guardians who are not on site or monitor behavior and mood is not appropriate. There have been many threads on CC posted about depressed roommates with frightening depressive episodes and attempted suicides and their roommates live with the effects of such experiences. Get depressed students help? Absolutely>>> With someone well trained to handle depression.</p>
<p>Pretty amusing stuff. that is depression being contagious. But i feel that being around someone who is extremely depressed is quite simply depressing. Moods catch on and can be shared by two people living together. I feel that by having a roommate who was all depressed all the time can be detrimental to a healthy person’s demeanor. I found this very helpful and made my younger cousin read it before he left for spring semester.</p>
<p>I’d like to just share my experience from this past year. My roommate (who I knew last year, but we were not roommates them) started to have severe mental health issues. It was extremely taxing, with the multiple suicide attempts, nights at the hospital and being forced to babysit her. After four months of this, and dropping grades, I wanted out but one school official told me that I couldn’t leave “because it wouldn’t be fair to have her be alone.” I think what we need is understanding on both sides. You don’t want to have a depressed person be ostracized, but at what point is it putting too much pressure on the roommate? I can’t imagine how hard it would’ve been for someone else who hasn’t had the experience I have had with family members with severe mental health problems.</p>