<p>i need people to look at my intro for the 2nd UC essay. im wondering if i should really leave it as pure imagery because it seems like my essay will just turn out to be a story. should i leave it like that or make it more “essay-ish” and incorporate a thesis in there?</p>
<p>Here it is:
Standing behind the white line on the court with racket and ball in hand, I relaxed my shoulders and hands in preparation for my serve. I looked ahead, noting the position of my opponent and the location on the court where I would direct my serve. I tossed the ball up into the air, keeping my eyes on it at all times. With my left arm fully outstretched and the ball released into midair, my body weight shifted and my knees slightly bended. Instantaneously, my body rose upwards as my knees extended, and my racket accelerated with the full force of my body. I heard the crisp impact of my racket making contact with the ball, and one second later, I could see the ball bounce in the service box on the other side of the court.</p>
<p>or if i shouldnt change it, should i make it shorter? if you have any suggestions that can shorten this paragraph but still have the same effect, then please do share!</p>
<p>I made a couple of suggestions. I would suggest that you make everything present tense, it sounds better and you can bring the reader into the action.</p>
<p>Standing behind the white line on the court, racket and ball in hand, I relaxed my shoulders and hands in preparation for my serve. Noting the position of my opponent and the intended target of my projectile. I tossed the ball up into the air, keeping my eyes on it at all times. With my left arm fully outstretched and the ball released into midair, my body weight shifted and my knees flexed. Instantaneously, my body rose upwards as my knees extended, and my racket accelerated with the full force of my body. I heard the crisp impact of my racket making contact with the ball, and one second later, I could see the ball bounce in the service box on the other side of the court.</p>