Thank you so much. Really. I feel very selfish and ridiculous talking about how I feel when she is perhaps dying, but I feel like crap. Just despair. And I can’t get away from it because of the work situation. My goal for Wednesday is to get through the workday without crying. I can cry on the way home.
@rockvillemom, your friend and coworker is fortunate to have you in her life. That you feel so upset is a testament to both of you being good people.
My family member with cancer in his vertebra had a kind of bone cement injected into a half dozen of them - the cancer was making the bones fracture and collapse. People with osteoporosis get this bone cement and end up being a couple of inches taller! But perhaps the friend’s health is failing to fast for this. Very sad.
I want to respect Christmas, so not bothering her now, but hoping I can have a frank conversation with the cousin on Wednesday and get some more realistic, accurate info. If the cousin is amenable, I am going to ask re treatment plans, options, second opinions, etc. But she does not know me, other than knowing who I am in the context of being a friend and co-worker, and she has her hands full, so she may not have the time, energy or inclination to brief me in full, and I respect that.
I just want you all to know that your advice and support means the world to me. Writing about it is easier than talking about it. She texted me before that another cousin took her dog as she can no longer care for him and with her bones so fragile, it would be too easy for him to accidentally hurt her. She loves her dog. I cannot comprehend how in a span of just a few days she has had to give up her apartment, her job and her dog. Now, I can write that with tears in my eyes, but I just cannot speak it, so thank you for listening.
Hmm. Has your friend or her cousin asked for this help?
Friend has. I am on her “team” to research and share info with cousin and another friend.
Just reading this now. @rockvillemom, I’m so sorry for both you and your friend. You are a good person. I don’t really have any advice; just wishing you both peace and comfort.
Thank you. Had a nice chat wuth her earlier and she sounds ok - a bit rambly and talking rapidly from the steroids and pain meds - but not weak as if she is dying. Pain mgmt still a huge issue. New pain mgmt dr added Lyrica and is trying to reduce the oxy and steroids.
For anyone who has dealt with cancer personally or with someone close - I need info for her on pain mgmt. (Yes, she wants my help, cousin is overwhelmed).
She called both drs this morning - crying - horrible pain - would you believe that when I spoke with her at 4pm - neither had called her back!
She says she is on the maximum dosages of oxy and the fentanyl patch, they are trying to wean her off the oxy. Also reduced her steroids because she is so manic and cannot sleep.
I have asked her why not go to the hospital and get IV pain relief and then sleep - morphine? She says her pain is nerve pain snd there is nothing else they can add. Really?
Looking online at severe nerve pain from cancer - one of the options I saw was a local anesthetic nerve block injection - is anyone familiar with this?
She is desperate for help. Cousin is overwhelmed with her own family, children, business etc. and cannot devote time to researching options. Friend had moved in with aunt who is not much help beyond driving her places. Friend is finally ready to consider a second opinion - I am meeting with another friend tonight to combine our research and put together 2or 3 options.
Anything you can suggest specifically on pain mgmt and help sleeping is appreciated. Thank you.
Is it time for hospice care at home?
^^ Yes, I wonder if a second opinion might lead you to conclude that her time is limited and therefore palliative measures might help improve the quality of her life. I hope I am wrong of course, but I know how fast melanoma can spread.
I will not use the word hospice care with her as she insists on only positive thoughts. I do note that one of my options - a cancer center in Frederick MD affiliated with MD Anderson offers palliative care - but I don’t know if that is the next step.
She needs to go to the hospital and get help. Please encourage her to go now,
Yes I’d have her go to the hospital ASAP.
There is such a thing as a pain management hospital admission. Agree that she should go immediately to the hospital. Sadly, a patient’s phone call, particularly during a holiday week, can be quite abstract. When medical professionals see her and review her records, she is more likely to get appropriate assessment faster. I have been there with a family member (bone tumor pain) and there may be limits as to what can be initiated on an out-patient basis.
All the best to your friend. She is fortunate to have your support.
Putting together info for tomorrow. She refuses to go to hospital, but I don’t think she is in a place mentally or emotionally to make good decisions.
Where we are…palliative care will come to her. Perhaps a call to them regarding the situation would be helpful. Our palliative care agency is affiliated with hospice…so there is easy transfer when needed…but they aren’t exactly the same.
There is a point where someone has to make decisions for her. This seems like one of those. You can beg forgiveness later.
If no one has medical POA, Can someone file for emergency guardianship? This can be done even if someone is only temporarily incompetent.
Palliative care can be amazing and can help a great deal with controlling pain, from all I’ve been told. If she goes to a hospital, that is one of the options she can request.