<p>We have this dance…and its one of the few “couples” dances…well its not SUPPOSED to be but it turns out that way</p>
<p>Anyway, my Ds friends were either asked or had boyfriends, so the usual girls my D goes to these things with are paired off</p>
<p>So my D is going with another girl, which is fine, but there is all that “oh we are going to this house with ten other couples, etc” before, and dinner, and blah blah blah</p>
<p>My D is putting on a brave front but I know it hurts inside wondering why SHE wasn’t asked by anyone…most of the friends that were asked it was by random guys the girls hardly knew, so D wonders why she was not asked</p>
<p>She has lots of guy friends, is socially competent, but this still hurts</p>
<p>Hurts me too watching her…this dance can’t be over soon enough</p>
<p>I know once she is AT the dance, and sees many other “stag” people, and lots of guys that are stag there, she will be fine, but its a long ten days to go</p>
<p>Sigh…think I will treat her to a massage with her friend the day of and an amazing dinner…</p>
<p>It’s amazing how stuff like this affects parents. My sympathies, cgm. We experienced some of the same types of things when our girls were in hs. It’s not fun.</p>
<p>However, I can guarantee with 99.9% certainty both of you will be just fine. :)</p>
<p>Are you sure the other girls didn’t ask the guys to go with them to the dance? At our high school, it seemed that the girls usually did most of the asking.</p>
<p>I hear you. It’s hard to watch our kids struggling with being well, not UNpopular, but not belle of the ball either and I don’t even have a girl. Boys are different to an extent, but in a way it can be harder, because while there seems to be no stigma for a girl or a couple of girls to go to a formal (you’re referring to a formal dance, no?) by themselves, it is more unusual for boys to do that. Not everyone connects to a boyfriend/girlfriend in hs, as astonishing as that may seem given the images we get from television and movies, and the casual dance date is merely a matter of luck. Who the kid may have happened to have a “No, what 'bout you?” conversation with while there was still time to make the plans. </p>
<p>In the big scheme of things, it’s nothin’. In the moment, it’s poignant. I like to think it will contribute to great creative endeavors in the future — a comedy sketch that kills, a youth novel hitting the best seller list, fodder for a movie script. </p>
<p>Or to be more stern, it’s one of the “hard” parts of life that our very fortunate kids face…in contrast to the hard parts of life that kids in other parts of the world face, like fleeing for their lives and things like that.</p>
<p>You know, a lot of hs guys never go to any of the dances. Myself and my sons included. It’s a combination of being awkward and disinteresed. Doesn’t do a lot for the girls that feel left out.</p>
<p>My friend has a good point. If you take your old high school yearbook and you really look at the pictures of the girls that really weren’t that popular or even dated, you can see a lot of beauties under thick glasses or funky hair or whatever. It just isn’t obvious at the time.</p>
<p>I think that’s a fabulous idea, CGM. I was going to post that I thought giving the girls something like that would make them feel good, have fun, and add to their night. As a lesbian, I went to all of my school dances without dates and with a group of single friends. A couple of my friends who are smart, funny, and pretty were simply never asked (like your daughter, it seems), while two others turned down numerous boys most dances because they didn’t want to tie themselves down with someone for the night (or at all). A lot of girls choose to go alone, at least at my high school, so that they are free from drama and nerves to just enjoy the evening. If she is embarrassed because she’s going alone, there are a lot of reasons why people don’t go with dates, from wanting to dance around with anyone they want to parental rules to a crush who couldn’t attend the dance. High school will end soon enough, and college men are much more likely to see true kindness, talent, and beauty than most high school boys.</p>
<p>I had the rare pleasure of attending my son’s pre-prom party last May, and as soon as the kids arrived they separated so there were large groups of girls and large groups of boys, no couples! Out of curiosity I had my wife fill me on on “who was with whom” and I was quite surprised at a few of the girls who were on their own. I couldn’t tell by looking. </p>
<p>Not to hijack the thread in another direction, but after going through this “pick me I’m pretty” process, and then going through the college admissions process (another “pick me I’m pretty” situation) I don’t understand why kids would want to subject themselves to a fraternity/sorority rush, another “pick me I’m pretty” situation.</p>
<p>When my son was in high school, and the subject of dances first came up, he told me the following:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>A lot of high school guys do not enjoy going to dances.</p></li>
<li><p>Despite #1, many high school guys end up at dances, mostly to please the girls with whom they go to these dances.</p></li>
<li><p>A guy who goes to a dance to please a girl is going to expect the girl to do something to please him. One guess what this is likely to be.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>My good friend in HS was very popular and always had a bf and one waiting in the wings. It always made me wonder what the heck was wrong with me. Years later I found out she had been sleeping with all of them. I was so naive…</p>
<p>My kids don’t like rap or grinding and were much happier at the bowling alley!</p>
<p>I was intrigued by the title of this thread because I just returned from my HS reunion…my 35th!! I went to one other reunion…our 20th… and I must tell you that I loved this one. Our lives are pretty formed at this point, our last one, we were still having our kids etc. </p>
<p>So, my only advice to you Citygirlsmom, and your daughter is to be patient, have faith…and KNOW that the most attractive attribute your daughter can take to this dance is a sense of humor. Without a doubt, the most popular person, back then, and still today is the gal with absolutely the best laugh… and the best accessory is a great smile. I would say to your daughter to close her eyes and think about whose company she really enjoys…and to focus on spending time with those folks…guys and gals… because 35 years from now, an entire weekend is not enough time to visit with old friends… we had a great time at this reunion…but a significant part of that was because we liked one another back then…and took care of one another. Kindness and happiness are memorable traits. No one will remember what you wore, or who you went to a dance with…but they will remember shared laughs. That was my most recent experience with my high school friends!!</p>
<p>We have drilled into our son practically since birth the following messages:</p>
<p>Girls like to dance. It doesn’t matter if you don’t like to dance; part of your job in life is dancing with girls so they can have fun. They will appreciate it, but don’t expect to get “paid”.</p>
<p>Do not ask some random hot sophmore to the dance unless all of your friends are firmly set up.</p>
<p>He has been pretty good. He doesn’t buy into the media-generated expectations of meaningful romance and scoring. He basically appreciates the girls putting on pretty dresses, and he tries to do his part to create a nice atmosphere. It’s not about him.</p>
<p>CGM: my D had the exact thing happen for her senior prom, so she and her best friend (also female) went together (after each had a minor pity party, which hurt this mom’s heart right to the core). They attached to a group of 5 couples (male/female), dressed up, gave each other corsages, joined their dinner plans and limo, did “couples” pictures and ultimately had a good time. The group pics are the best. </p>
<p>D & friend still wonder (7 months later) why THEY didn’t get asked to prom by male friends. I have zero words of wisdom for them to ease the sting. And it does sting.</p>
<p>D went to homecoming in a group of 9 girls. She was thrilled just to be asked by the girls; she only knew 2 of the group! She had a great time, and blamed not having a “date” on being new at school. I am holding my breath about prom, though. I know she’ll be crushed if she has to go there alone. I’ve had two sons who were definitely not into dating, but both made it to senior prom after sucking it up and asking a second girl after the first turned them down. I thought that was hard, but at least they felt the power to invite. I don’t know if she could do that. I agree, high school is SO hard. Sounds like you and your D are handling it just fine.</p>
<p>Edit: cross posted with "just"amom. I feel your pain.</p>
<p>CGM - Yay for great parenting. Commiserate and move on. Your daughter will be ready for life. [It ain’t always fair, doesn’t always make sense, but I’m puttin’ on my party shoes 'cause I’m gonna dance!] :)</p>
<p>My daughter chose to go to her junior prom alone because she refuses to date, and a bunch of her girlfriends went alone, too. There was one guy in the limo with nine lovely girls and the pictures are fun and fabulous. The senior prom is traditionally a pair thing and daughter is on the committee, but she categorically refuses to go with a boy, so she isn’t even sure if she is going. This is all so complicated (not to mention expensive!), isn’t it? CGM, I feel your sorrow on this. I hope your daughter has an absolute blast.</p>
<p>My D’s have gone to big formal dances - with dates and also with their female friends. The ones they seem to have the best time at are the ones they go w/their friends so they don’t have to worry about offending their bf’s/dates! </p>
<p>Then, there was the prom my D’s bf left her at. Yup, he got p.o.'d because she was on the “prom court” and had to dance one dance with another male, so he just left her there. What started out as one of the happiest nights of her life turned into a nightmare. This was a long-term relationship that I was never too keen on anyway, so this experience was just the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. Though she accepted his apology the next day and stayed with him for a few more months, he knew better than to even step foot in my house! Luckily, she finally broke up with him for good and is now just a much happier person overall!</p>
<p>Yeah, most kids that go with dates, dont have as much fun as those that go with groups of friends…one girl last year, her date hooked up with another girl at the dance, and those two got detention for being “innappropriate”</p>
<p>D likes going with a group of girls, but when her group is suddenly all paired off and she is left solo, its rough</p>
<p>She will be fine, she has found some other girls she can go with…</p>
<p>I just feel for her, cause you know she is thinking- what is it cause I am not tall, or my chest isn’t big, or what? </p>
<p>What is interesting is, is she has lots of guy friends, and she is usually very confident, but this is just a bump</p>
<p>Her sister never went to any Christmas dance with a date, just her GFs</p>