I note I think many people basically fail to account for the sheer size of the US higher education system. And because the most selective US undergrads are sometimes small, sometimes very small, by global standards, it can take many more highly-selective US colleges to add up to the same percentage of the Bachelor’s level student population as relatively few universities in other countries.
Like, it would take around 20 of the most selective US colleges (including at least a few LACs) to match just Oxbridge by this measure (collective percentage of US bachelors = collective percentage of UK bachelors). You can sort of just keep using that 10X ratio, so like T5 in the UK would map onto roughly T50 in the US (understanding this would include a lot of Liberal Arts and Sciences college dragging down the students-per-institution average).
But I think some highly status conscious families struggle to think that way. Like, on some level they have a hard time believing there could be that many very selective, highly resourced, highly regarded undergrads in the US. But there are, and indeed many more.
So, they might end up favoring one of the “Top N” in a country where N can be lot smaller number for their kid than in the US. And that of course isn’t a great tragedy. But if their kid really wanted to have a US-style college experience, they may be missing out on some opportunities because of this effect.
I wouldn’t want to judge families and kids who want prestige / aura / brand for their higher education. There is absolutely no question that getting into HYPSM confers that instantly. Some people like the fancy stuff and that is fine. To me, it would be akin to judging people because they drive a BMW instead of a Honda, or carry a Hermes bag instead of one from the local department store.
I think the best we can do on CC is to re-emphasize two things (1) that you can still have a wonderful, even glowing, life without HYPSM, and (2) the US has a variety of schools beyond HYPSM that can offer you a great experience during the most formative years of your life.
And maybe a 3rd piece of advice: that you shouldn’t go into too much student debt for college, if you come from a family that can’t pay for college easily.
Note that this applies across US states as well. Relative to the state population, the 9 UCs in California may in aggregate be equivalent in size and selectivity to the state flagship in a smaller population state. But many students and parents find “any UC” to be unsatisfying, and UC Merced, Riverside, and Santa Cruz get looked down on compared to some of those other state flagships.
The perception of prestige- and quality- varies by location as well. Name location for HYP and maybe SM is a big factor in some countries. Name recognition of some tops schools (say, Williams, Amherst, U of Chicago, I could go on) is lower, even much lower, in some locations abroad and in the US, which is frustrating because the quality is so high. Alumni/ae networks can also be amazing.