Vibe-wise, Bard might be another one to look at. Not sure if there’s a path to affordability but it might be possible.
I went back and forth about suggesting Scripps, as it would be a pretty big reach, but still far less of a reach than Bowdoin and Yale. Seems like it could be a good fit if you could get in and afford. The 5C’s even had a roller derby team, but I’m afraid it might not have re-launched after the pandemic - there’s no post-2020 content on their socials.
I’m glad you’re going to look at SOU. It is not at all the “large, fratty, public U” that you’re trying to avoid - it only has about 4400 undergrads, and there’s no Greek life. My kid’s theatre-loving LGBTQ+ friends who went there really loved it, found likeminded friends, discovered a lot of new interests, and got great internship opportunities. It has a lot to offer at an affordable price point, with the WUE discount.