UW: 3.94
W: 4.61
(Full IB)
(SAT Optional)
Class rank: 10/300 (top 4%)
Indian
Average Household Income: $70,000 (4 people in the household, one other high school student applying this year)
EC (not in any relative order)
Dance (Choreographer/Participant)
Multi-purpose dance group that focuses on Indian dance forms such as Bhangra, Rass, and Gabra. Won numerous competitions (FOI, RCR, etc.). 13+ years.
Other Club/Activity (Pickleball Player)
Practiced daily, competed in tournaments, and taught myself a new sport without assistance. Reached the ranking of 4.0 (a little under professional).
Career-Oriented (Employee - The Market Place 13)
Organized filing, learned the basics of business, grasped concepts of how to create financial models, how to operate a store, and marketing methods.
Debate/Speech (Mock Trial: Lawyer and Witness)
I lead case research and writing, participated as both a witness and lawyer during mock debates, and placed highly during state competitions.
Cultural (VYO Religious Head)
Planned a multi-million dollar convention in the Greater Richmond area. I was in charge of creating blueprints, ideas, and executing these ideas.
Journalism/Publication (Self-affiliated author)
Published a collection of poems globally. The book was called “The Darkening of Daylight” and featured poem topics ranging from respect to suicide.
Community Service (Volunteer) (Church Youth Group Leader)
I am not a Christian, but I volunteered as a youth leader for little kids. I did this to learn more about other religions and become more open-minded.
Athletics: JV/Varsity (Tennis player and assistant coach)
Assisted the coach to organize practices, scrimmages, and daily drills. I also played on the team as the top 6 and enabled us to place highly.
President of Math Honors Society
Participated in many challenging math VML competitions and placed frequently in the top ten in our school. Overall, Henrico placed high in the state.
Sales Director
Organized a local charity drive at the nearby dog park. My job was to create fliers and social media posts to attract foot traffic. We raised $1500.
Essays (so far best part): solid 9/10
(Michigan is Ross)
A few questions:
What state do you live in?
When you say Indian, is that American Indian? Are you an international student?
What can/will your family pay for college?
Do you have at least one affordable safety?
Virginia
Indian American (not international, no)
My family can’t really pay fully for a college unless I get a full merit scholarship (they can pay about 2k a year)
Yes, I do have affordable safeties
U Mich is a reach as an OOS student, as are the rest of your schools.
Have you filed FAFSA? What is your EFC?
Have you run the net price calculators on each school’s site? Let us know those estimated costs.
What are your affordable safeties that will cost $2K or less per year?
FAFSA EFEC: $4000
I ran it on Stanford so that was about 26k for 4 years. Cornell was about 30k.
For safeties, the main one is VCU. They do merit-based scholarships and I already qualify for 75% aid. For that, it is only 3k a year maximum.
What are dem universities?
Indian = ethnicity or (sole) citizenship? If you are a US citizen, your financial need won’t be an issue at the need-blind schools. If you are not a US citizen and you need aid…well, your path is pretty deep into lottery territory. Either way, I don’t see how UMi is affordable as an OOS student.
As written, one of these is credible for a HS student and the other…not so much. Probably just too much puffery in your phrasing, but be aware that it can undermine your overall credibility.
And why would you not put your ECs in any order? A big part of your app is your narrative, and that includes figuring out what is really important to you, and showing why it adds up to a student who will be a great fit for their school.
Stanford, UPenn, Berekely, Michigan (Ross), NYU, Brown, and Cornell!
Indian as in ethnicity. Financial aid isn’t really a problem as I am a US Citizen. Also, I do have my EC’s in order just when I copy-pasted them in here they weren’t. I reordered them on the common app itself. Also, technically it was a multi-million dollar convention but I see how that can be considered puffery so I will remove it.
I just changed it to “Helped plan a national convention in the Greater Richmond area. I was in charge of creating blueprints, ideas, and executing these ideas.”
I still have no clue what you mean by dem. Do you mean Democratic, as in Liberal? Please don’t use that term, if that’s what you mean. There are definitely conservatives too at all those schools. I would certainly say that U Penn, Michigan and Cornell will have plenty of conservatives.
Essays are one small part of the whole package, and I am wondering what makes you think they are 9/10. Students are pretty notorious for misjudging their essays.
They will want to see a name of this national convention you organized. If it’s raising red flags with us, don’t be surprised if it does with AO’s. They can and do check things if they feel it’s warranted.
I think your chances are about average for those schools, but I am sensing a lack of awareness and humility in what you say. You need great teacher recommendations.
Merit scholarships are like gold dust at some of those schools, and non-existent at others, such as the ivy schools. Do not count on one.
From what you present, you will be competitive, but probably in the same pool as 15,000± other students also applying to these reach schools. I see a lot of listed EC’s. It might raise a question on how involved you actually were with each one. I would prioritize them and focus on the ones where you have spent considerable time over a number of years and/or made a significant individual contribution.
NPCs show an estimated cost for one year…so for example, did Stanford’s NPC show $26K, or $6K+ and you multiplied by 4?
Noooo not liberal vs conservative. Dem is just some internet slang for them. Literally just asking what are my chances are at certain universities.
True, I probably did misjudge my essays. I could safely say they are a 7/10, though.
I did put a name for the national convention. The organization is named “VYO.” I also wrote what it stands for on the Common App (Vallabh Youth Organization). Maybe I should just downplay it even more and write “a local convention?” My teacher recommendations would be around average.
I am not counting on merit-based scholarships for Ivy’s, only my safety.
6k multiplied by 4.
Should I clump together my activities? This would allow for a smaller list and more compact which would show more commitment to each?
I would not clump unrelated items just to reduce the listed EC’s in your Common App. The Common App itself helps you self sort by requiring you to list the years of participation, when the activity occurs and hours you spend per week and how many weeks. It also asks for leadership positions, accomplishments and recognition. Remember each AO on the first read has limited time in reviewing each app. What do you want to be memorable about you, you have maybe 10± minutes of their attention for your entire app for most of these schools.
Look at your ECs and figure out which are the truest to you- where you have put most of your time / effort / commitment. If some of them naturally group, put them together. @BKSquared is right: you have a tiny window of time to catch the reader’s interest. You want it to be easy for them to see what’s important to you- and how that links to other things in your app. For example, if you talk about a character trait you developed in one of your essays, did you connect the dots and note that that trait has also been an important part of your leadership in EC X? Note that this is an example- it might not work for your actual ECs & essays! Mostly it’s a suggestion to look at your application as a whole.
Berkeley offers almost no aid to out of state applicants and it doesn’t sound like Michigan has much from what posters have said above. NYU does not meet full need. Does not sound like any of these three will be affordable for you. The ivies give need based aid.
eh…it’s a good point, @SJ2727, but OP is just outside of Brown & Cornell’s $60K income / $100K total assets = no parent contribution and no loan promise and UPenn just announced that incomes up to $140K (w/ typical assets) which could come into play. The NPCs seem to play out (per post #4)