Am I morally in the wrong here? I can convince them.
This is what I was thinking also.
Right now mother and grandparents are talking hypotheticals. In March or April you will be looking at actual acceptances and rejections, with financial offers in hand. It is going to be much more real. It is going to be hard to turn down an affordable acceptance, particularly if you have only a small number of affordable acceptances.
Whether the affordable acceptances include in-state schools is something that you will find out when the time comes.
I still think that a 3.7 GPA makes âtop 20â unlikely, but makes âvery good university that will be excellent for a premed studentâ very likely if not almost certain, assuming an appropriate set of applications was sent in. An appropriate set of applications needs to include schools that are likely both for admissions and for affordability. Hopefully some of the acceptances will be affordable.
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Can you âconvinceâ them?
You need to be able to attend college with a clear head and not feel bad about the situation. It can impact your ability to succeed.
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Also, it would be strange to turn down an offer from a stronger university thatâs providing better aid just to stay at home. Iâm trying to play the long game here.. yes, I might be away for a bit, but Iâd be building a solid education and better career opportunities, which in the long run would help both me and my mom far more than settling for less now.
Yes exactly. And thatâs a strong argument you can present to your mother and grandmother.
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Iâm not sure in what context youâre talking about.
But it would be morally wrong if you became a finalist, matched to a QB school and then reneged. That would be directly taking a spot from someone else.
You might rethink your QB strategy. If you do match, because itâs binding (except for MIT), you canât then choose Rutgers because you want to stay home. Nor could you choose Rutgers bs/md program if you were admitted. Your admissions process is done if you match.
If you donât want to be part of the QB national college match, you can still apply thru QB and choose the schools you want to apply in RD. You just wouldnât rank any schools in that case.
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For leaving my mom alone.
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OP: This is not the place to get advice on something like this.
There is no way this group can provide any sensible help without the enormous context needed, and an understanding of how you were brought up, your family culture and likely the religious aspects/cultural issues that could be a part of this.
This needs to be dealt with locally, within the family to start and then probably with external help - a professional in family therapy or perhaps a member/leader of your mosque or whatever religious house that you attend.
This is complex - donât try to have a bunch of parents across the country who have been trying to advise you (with great difficulty) about how to best choose a college affordably.
Work on this locally, with help, and please donât submit your Questbridge application until youâve made some headway on this with your family.
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In reality, no one can be driving him back and forth to college.
College doesnât end at 5PM like a job. The day ends when it ends, which could often be 4AM.
Commuting 10 or 15 minutes isnât unreasonable, but 45 minutes ( if youâre lucky) in North Jersey traffic (such as was suggested for Stevens) really isnât sensible.
But having Mom do delivery and pickup is not only going to create friction and embarrass the OP, but isnât reasonable for college.
But Iâll reiterate that the solution needs to be developed locally, starting with the family.
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Agreed
Update: My mom insists I apply and commute to Princeton or Columbia
Princeton has a requirement for living on campus for the first two years. Columbia requires the first year on campus.
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I understand you are juggling a lot of information about college admissions and trying to balance that with your familiesâ expectations and wishes. However, I suggest that you sit with your mother to research these schools so that she understands the requirements⊠Such as living on campus the first year or whatever number years. That is not unusual for privates.
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Will she also allow you to apply elsewhere? Does she understand that you need additional options that are not as difficult to get into? Or does she believe that you are a close-to-guaranteed admission to those colleges?
PlusâŠhow long of a commute would that be? College is not like high schoolâthere will be late labs and late study groups and a long commute really is usually not feasible .
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I donât believe you can commute to either Princeton OR Columbia your freshman year.
ReallyâŠyou need to do some research into these possibilities, if they are suggested.
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I hope you get into Princeton. I really do.
But statistically, you have little chance. 96.2% of enrollees had a 3.75 or higher GPA (unweighted) and you are not there.
Yes, your test is awesome and yes you outperform your school - but you didnât outperform in STEM and thatâs made you, statistically, highly unlikely. It doesnât make it impossible.
You might contact them and ask if thereâs a waiver, etc.
Iâm wondering what community colleges are near you - that might be a smarter way to go if you have all these restrictions.
The amount of commute - multiple times a day youâd have to drive to Rutgers - it really makes no sense if another is driving you.
And what if the car breaks down??
I found that Columbia requires all first-year students to live on campus unless they get special approval to commute from their parentsâ or guardiansâ home. An hour ago, I shared with my mom the plan to apply to schools both in-state and out-of-state. Sheâs open to the idea but wants to take a closer look once the acceptances come in. âWeâll see.â
She does have some important conditions, though â like staying connected through daily FaceTime calls and keeping my focus on my education.
Columbia is about an hour and forty-five minutes away by train, and Princeton is just a 45-minute drive.
Doesnât sound like Columbia will work if you canât live on campus. Thereâs a reason they want you on campus - and 45 mins or 1 hour 45 minutes is way too far - you may need to go 7 days a week, etc.
And who is paying for the train?
Frankly, a Junior College or Rutgers - if close enough - would be better choices.
College isnât just about class.
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After having a conversation with my mom, sheâs open minded as I alluded to in my previous post.
Yes, if you have to facetime, many do it - but you said she said - weâll see. You also said the train time like youâd be commuting each day..
Why does Columbia differ, from say, Denison. Both require being away.
I guess - apply to all these and see. Hopefully you have an option to even have this situation arise - that would mean you got in.