<p>Hi! I’m a student from an elite preparatory school in New Hampshire (you can guess which one) and I’m currently a prospective student at Harvard (legacy for med school), Yale (legacy for law school), Princeton, Cornell, Penn, Dartmouth, and Cornell (Brown is my safety; I’m a double legacy). </p>
<p>I was wondering what my chances are for getting into all the Ivy League schools. Getting into one is of no interest to me; I am a collector of admissions letters and I would like to be able to include all of the Ivies in my portfolio. I know this is a visionary goal, if not impossible, but I think I’ve got a shot.</p>
<p>I have already gotten into a maximum of 20 schools as offered by the Common App, but I will be submitting these all by paper, along with my portfolio which includes a photograph of me and my perfectly symmetrical features from a headshot from my status as alternate for the lead role as the titular character in the 2009 West End revival of Oliver. Additionally, I attached a copy of my Nobel Prize in Literature as well as my medical paper demonstrating an epithelial stem cell-based treatment for cancer, which I cowrote along with a Stanford alumnus and prolific writer with an Erdős number of 3 (again, you can guess which one). I was going to send each University a medal from my Winter Olympic collection, including sending my two golds to the Universities with the lowest admissions rate, but I thought this would be too sycophantic. Do you guys agree?</p>
<p>My objective statistics include:</p>
<p>Valedictorian of preparatory secondary school class
2400 on SAT I (first attempt)
National Merit Scholar Semifinalist
Siemens AP Scholar
USAMO x4
USPhO x1 (damn you, school, for not offering Physics C until junior year! :-()
Renssalaer Medal
National Spanish Exam - 99th Percentile
Local essay competition awards – I am aware that these are banal and commonplace.</p>
<p>In addition, I have received scores of 800 on various SAT subject tests, including Mathematics Level I and II, Literature, United States History, Physics, Chemistry, Spanish (with Listening), and Modern Hebrew.</p>
<p>My Advanced Placement history includes scores of 5 on eighteen tests taken, namely Chemistry, Biology, Physics B, Physics C: Mechanics, Physics C: Electricity and Magnetism, Calculus BC, Computer Science A, French Language, Spanish Language, Spanish Literature, European History, Environmental Science, English Language and Composition, English Literature and Composition, Government and Politics: Comparative, Government and Politics: United States, Microeconomics, and Macroeconomics.</p>
<p>I am aware that my extracurricular activities are somewhat lackluster, as I am not the president of any major nation as many of you suggest should be the case for any serious Ivy Applicant, but I think in terms of leadership, my diplomatic post for the Principality of Sealand should be sufficient, and I think it’s legitimate enough for admissions committee members to consider seriously. I mean, it’s no President-of-Argentina-at-age-13, but nevertheless, it’s a pretty good start. I’m currently in talks with the President of the United States, and he assures me that if I get deferred from even one of these universities, he will give them a call to allow me to complete my desired portfolio.</p>
<p>Oh, also: my essays are of the same quality one would generally see in my Nobel Prize-quality work, so please don’t tell me that you cannot judge until you see my essays. Trust me when I say they are good, and represent me with the utmost personal qualities. If admissions officers aren’t touched by my story of flying to Africa to save at least one baby per day, they have no heart and deserve to be put in the same situation those poor babies undergo daily. I’m aware that this right here reveals my predilection for schadenfreude, but do not despair! I did not display this quality at all on my application, nor do I ever display it to my teachers during class, two of whom wrote what they described as “the best recommendation letters I have ever written–and I had [insert major politican here] in class!”</p>
<p>So, thoughts? Advice? Criticisms? I know wanting acceptance letters from eight highly prestigious schools is somewhat of a quixotic pursuit, but let’s be realistic: if anyone can do it, it’s me. They all sent me likely letters at three years old due to my highly desirable genetic characteristics (it sucks that this is how they admit applicants these days–sorry, those with poor Genet-IQ results, but this is 2028!–accept it!), but I think my portfolio and essays will be the icing on the cake.</p>
<p>Thanks! And please offer your chances, as the title of this forum suggests!</p>
<p>IvyBeckoner</p>