<p>When I was 10, my father was attacked by a pack of savage wolves while exploring Tajikistan on a secret mission for an early perestroika campaign in the name of the proud homeland. When I was 11, my mother was sent to gulag 3 never to return. I have no grandparents. They died before my time, both loyal to the cause. Neither do I have any siblings nor any cousins. I was adopted by orange revolutionaries at age 13 and spent my secondary years as a proud child of the emerging intellectual elite. For five years, I was beaten with a cane and fed beans, bread, and water. There are scars on my arms, legs, and back. Please do not pity. I am a follower of the bible and put my faith in Jesus Christ. Recently, my revolutionary family removed me of my earlier wealth. I am devoid of money. My final rubles were spent on Iranian action film which I enjoy in the evenings in secret place next to tuba. I now wish to study engineering in your country and in the great city I have read so much of. I have seen photographs of your institution and it appeases me greatly. What say the probabilities of my admission to the College of Kings in the City of New York?</p>
<p>Doesn’t look good dude. Not enough ECs and there’s nothing that really stands out as you being passionate. Also, try to raise your SAT scores. If you write a killer essay, you might stand a chance.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>actually, you don’t sound so far off from most of the engineers I knew at columbia.</p>
<p><em>rolls eyes</em></p>
<p>if there’s one thing we needed around here, it’s a parody thread. If so, well done, sir!</p>
<p>Nearly two years later, it’s still funny –
Bravo!</p>
<p>This made my day. Thank you.</p>
<p>Bump.</p>
<p>I just laughed so hard at this.</p>
<p>hahaha YESSSS this is so great!!</p>
<p>Hahaha, amazing. I hope the person who wrote this parody actually ended up at Columbia! Represents a great student body then.</p>
<p>I couldn’t help but imagine this being said in a Borat voice.</p>