<p>Since there have been so many separation/advice threads, I figured I’d ask for advice though from a different perspective than of a college frosh.</p>
<p>Some of you probably have older kids who have started their first or second jobs by now. What advice do you give to someone who has moved to a new city (about 5 hrs away from home and about 7 hrs away from the city that was home for college/grad school/first job) just for a job? It has been just about a month and the job is going fine. However, life has been hard in terms of socializing and meeting people. The only avenue for meeting people has been work and while those people are fine, culturally I’m in a bit of a different place than I’m used to as co-workers here who are only in their early/mid 20s tend to be married and even have kids; it doesn’t exactly form a social circle because people understandably have to race home to pick up kids at daycare etc.</p>
<p>It is a bit of a university town, but I’m unaffiliated with the schools and don’t know how to meet people there (I’m not implying that I would want to hang out with frosh, but I’m sure there may be grad/PhD students that I’ve have something in common with). I’ve never been the type who would go to Starbucks and just start chatting it up with the person at the next table – and even if I did, that isn’t friendship as I’m not making plans with a random stranger. My university/grad school seems to have a small alumni club here but there has been no response to an intro email I sent, so I’m guessing it’s only active for 1-2 events a year. Thankfully, this is only a 1 yr job opportunity and then I go back to my normal life but I really don’t want this to be a 52 week countdown, which is what it is right now.</p>
<p>When I picked up this job – which is an excellent learning opportunity for which my regular firm gave me a LOA – I was looking forward to a year where I would have time on my hands (I was working 70-80 hrs/wk in my old job), could make some friends to explore a new city with etc. Now it’s just looking like it’ll be a long year before I can get back to my previous workaholic life. Advice?</p>
<p>Craigs List for local interest groups?
Local “alternative” newspaper for same kind of listings (D uses this kind of paper in St Louis for music/restaurant reviews)
Singles group that has a specific interest…like outdoor adventure or dining…you’ve got to take that first step LOL
Don’t assume the intro e mail to the alumni group was received,try again.Maybe they need someone to make it a more active group?
Gym/Yoga/Adult Ed at the local U?</p>
<p>Is there something specific to this city that you cannot really obtain or do anywhere else - something unique about it that you could explore, and perhaps get involved in - that way you’re making the most of the year invested there? I’m thinking like NYC’s art, Miami’s beach culture, D.C.'s political activist scene, etc…because once you can get your hands into something, meeting people and making friends evolves naturally…</p>
<p>Take up swing dancing (or another form of partner dance). Most cities have a decent scene, and you can either meet people by taking lessons or just going out a lot; you’ll often see the same people multiple times. Also, most universities’ dance clubs are open to people unaffiliated with the university.</p>
<p>I will second the join a gym idea. I was in a similar situation after my undergrad degree. And in a very hot summer climate and in a cheap third floor apartment.<br>
Went to the gym every day after work. Met a lot of people in different classes (back then it was step and aerobics). Ended up meeting my now husband through a series of friend of friends…
Much better than the bar scene. </p>
<p>If gym isn’t for you, how about a church with a young adults group?
Volunteer as a docent at a local museum? Volunteer in big brother/big sister program? </p>
<p>During that time I also went to a class for literacy volunteers. Got matched with an 82 year old Greek woman who wanted to learn English. Stella was a crack up and I really enjoyed my once a week reading over lunch with her. Can’t say we had a lot in common or I met a group of people through her but I still smile when I think of her.</p>
<p>Forgot to say that I have often told my college son that period was one of the loneliest times of my life. I didn’t have the built in group of people my age that you have in college and work was great but I needed something else. </p>
<p>I’d take a couple adult ed. classes. Either through parks and rec. or sometimes community college or high school. Depends on the area.
I met some fun people in a cooking class, sign language, quilting, etc.</p>
<p>Or take a couple units at the university. Professors need friends, too.</p>
<p>I will give the same kind of advice that I gave my daughter when she started at a high school that was more than 3x as big as her middle school.
Join a sports team.
Community Centers often have listings of local teams-and many teams welcome beginners.
Many sports are very social- and in a university town I bet there are a lot to choose from.</p>
<p>Join an interest group for some passion you have but never had the time to indulge in - knitting, creative writing, rock climbing, etc. Public libraries or community art centers are good places to look. And I wouldn’t put pressure on these things - I’ve done lots of them and find that the friendships take time to develop. At a minimum, though, you’ll spend your time learning about something you enjoy.</p>
<p>Can you try some professional organizations? Also, you might look into becoming a volunteer. You can try volunteering at church, scouts (there will be mostly families involved there, but single people also volunteer with scouts), Habitat for Humanity, soup kitchens, etc. You can meet lots of people this way, and some people you will meet may friends of the folks you came across while volunteering. I know someone who became active in a group like Toastmasters at your stage in life. You might also consider a vacation with like minded people (biking trip, hiking vacation). I know someone who took a trip with Contiki and was pleased. This group organizes trips for those between 18-35. In fact, I know a few couples who met each other while on a vacation.</p>
<p>Interest groups, book clubs, art classes and religious organizations I think are the best for making new friends. Gyms vary - I belong to two. At the Y there’s a lot of talk (sports and politics), but no friendships outside the gym, at the other friends often go together, but I’ve never talked to anyone I didn’t already know. There’s no casual coversation at all. My brother made friends by owning a dog, joining a pottery studio and playing soccer.</p>