<p>Leaving this morning to take DD off to school. She is the youngest, her older brother is a rising junior who will be home for two more weeks. I can already start to feel a change in the equilibrium around here.
For years DH worked a LOT (think 80 plus hours per week) and DD was my companion. Drove her to ballet, horse, etc.
Big shifts in the past year with dance ending in May, giving up horse in March, etc.
DH and I work together and have for about five years. His work is finally slowing down to something more manageable.
The question I have for those of you who have BTDT (been there done that) is tips to regain a new balance?
It feels like after years of parenting I don’t want to be the woman who ends up parenting and controlling her husband. I already have a role of maintaining his schedule, etc. at work.<br>
I definitely have a type A personality (like lots of CCers) and know that I have to watch that.<br>
Ideas out there?</p>
<p>Find something new to both of you to do as a hobby. DH and I traveled (on the cheap, lots of camping) to a place he loves and were able to work from there, too. It allowed us to create new routines in a new place.</p>
<p>The year will be even more difficult, little DD left last fall, but oldest was nearby doing a masters, now oldest is off to a PhD far far way. It will be very sad, as we have delighted to get to know her as an adult after she was far away for UG.</p>
<p>I found that changing our routine and trying to have an open mind, yet still acknowledging that we missed the kids worked well</p>
<p>ebeeeee, I have no advice to share as I still have a 16 year old at home who shows no signs of ever being mature enough to move out. However, I’m just sending my best, wishes for a smooth adjustment and a great year for all four of you. I now turn the forum over to BTDT.</p>
<p>My mother took care 4 of us when we were home. She has been managing my dad for the last 30 years. He can’t get dressed without my mom. I am personally going to trade in for a newer model when the time comes. Good luck - I am actually very envious you will have more time on your hand.</p>
<p>My mother stopped working when her first went off to college. When the second child left home she took up some new hobbies and spent more time with the old ones. They were social hobbies that also kept her mind active. She tried some activities (ie: golf) that she dropped after giving them a fair shake. My mother is now in her upper 70s and she continues with her hobbies/activities/social interests and it has been 30 years since her youngest left for college. Oh, and she even took a trip abroad for 3 weeks alone when my father refused to take 3 weeks off from work to vacation. He did regret not going with her, so I recall that they had some adjusting to do too.</p>
<p>Oh, also, don’t be panicked by the silences; years ago you had tons to talk about, now you have spent 20+ years raising kids, talking to & about kids, thinking about kids, etc. You will gradually recall what the two of you had in common and find things to talk about other than the kids if you give it time and effort.</p>
<p>Years ago you had interests besides kids, it can take time to recall what you used to like and decide what you are now going to focus on!</p>
<p>Believe it or not, your lives will still be dominated by your kids. Plans will depend on their schedules, no longer the daily ones, but rather the seasonal ones- mark your calendar with those breaks. We also find ourselves loooking things up online concerning kids (not just posting on CC)- my H probably knows more about grad schools than son does. We are still parenting, but from a distance and in the advice given (sometimes taken) format. We are not obsessed, but with son home for a week it seems so.</p>
<p>We eat what and when we want to- compatible with not having to eat formal meals or the same thing together as with a family. We travel- for a day, weekend or week and more. Much easier to plan for two people who have years of knowing each others likes/dislikes/habits. Planning for our retirement future in another place. Deciding to do things- or not- on the spur of the moment. So much easier without considering a different generation’s needs/wants. Our house is evolving to a childless one- beginning the downsizing process and reflecting our current lifestyle. Son has been here and gone for 3 years now so many of his childhood things have now been given away gradually. It’s a transition time for us as well as him.</p>
<p>So much more free time. Indulge in frivolous activities- reading, shopping, planning house changes nicer for you… In some ways it is like being married before kids- but with aging bodies and the comfort of knowing so much more about each other. There is a lot of unspoken agreement on things that we notice when son returns and isn’t privy to.</p>
<p>wis75 thank you. Your post really did give me comfort.
It is just such a change and with other changes in our business and the economy at times it is a little overwhelming.
We have a trip to Hawaii planned for late September and a trip for DD’s parents weekend in mid October so those will great. Thanksgiving DD will be home in November and both home in late Dec. for Christmas.<br>
In some ways I am looking forward to the downsizing, particularly since the economy is dictating some downsizing for us in our business anyway.
Somemom, thanks for your posts too. I guess it is the silences I’m a bit afraid of.
You are right, and DH and I talked about this yesterday. We did have interests before the kids. We are very opposite in personality though and the kids always provided a lot of balance for that. One is like me, one is like DH.</p>
<p>Empty nest coincided with my best friend moving several hundred miles away. I thought of going back to work and ended up going back to college. I am surprised how much I enjoy it. Kind of wish I had done it years ago and got back into the workforce before my kids went to college. (I am from the UK and did not go to college there but back in the stone ages I was able to work over there as an accountant without one - I was taking accountancy exams - had to take the GED over here to apply for a job answering phones :eek: )</p>