Changing jobs : a naive quitter or an empowered survivalist?

Parent Cafe
41

@greenbutton I’m so sorry your job is so horribly toxic that you feel the need to leave. Stress will kill you or greatly shorten your life so time to go.

Motherofdragons has the right idea. Throw yourself fully into a new job search. I really believe that as soon as you feel you are taking control over your future that you will immediately begin to feel better.

Just start interviewing for anything close to what you are wanting. You will get good experience and become more relaxed with the interview experience. I think people should constantly look around and see what skills they might need for the “next” job.

I have wanted to start a thread for awhile now that asks " Are there any honest, hardworking team players anymore?"

H left a lifelong job after the corporate culture flipped

D is working a new job where a threatened co worker has already set her up. But D is up to that “task” and is extremely well liked and appreciated by the top.

I work for a guy who is a pathological liar. As soon as I accepted this and decided it just doesn’t matter my life got much, much easier.

H retired and although it was sooner than we wanted and we still had a mortgage it was the best possible move for him.
I am sure it has added years to his life. Kids and I are thrilled that we have him back. its been a rough few 3-4 years.

Your family will be glad to have you back too.

42

Sometimes, you have to just hang in there because there’s nothing else to be had or you’re close to getting a pension. Do what you can to make it tolerable and establish boundaries, even if it’s very little. Do everything you can to get out, though. Whether it’s looking for a job, getting involved with something outside of work that will allow you to network and/or build skills, or just doing something that reminds you that outside of work, you are in charge of your life – just do it! This is easier said than done because a bad job saps the energy out of you, making everything else seem very difficult and tiring.

If you recognize that no matter what you do, there will be parts that will be unpleasant and people who will be difficult, leaving to save your sanity isn’t being a naïve quitter.

43

Sometimes the abuse/toxicity is more subtle but if its not: document, document, document.

44

I am on job application #22, but good work is scarce where I am, and competition is fierce. I won’t have a pension, regardless of whether I stay or go (not enough years of service) . It was never the money. DH is just the best about this (some Sunday evenings I would just cry, because I knew Monday was coming) and thinks I should quit paid employment, period, and go be someone’s essential volunteer. But the little bit I make does help, and S2 only has 2 years left on our insurance, then he picks up what he gets from work and we don’t know how much of his @ $30K /yr medical expenses it will cover, so we’re trying to save, save, save.

45

@BalletMom I hope that you find your dream job soon. and as @doschicos says: document, document, document.

46

Dysfunction exists in volunteer work as well, sometimes even more so as folks aren’t reigned in by worrying about losing their jobs for poor behavior or not following through on a task or commitment. It’s just easier to quit, though. :wink:

47

My H is currently unemployed after quitting a job where he worked, literally, 80 hours a week and the boss–a notorious micromanager- didn’t feel enough was getting done. He had lost 25 lbs and after I saw him leave for work looking like he was holding back tears I said just quit we can downsize.

48

Not recently but years ago I left a job when a new boss came in. We all left after a few months. In fact, half of us moved directly across the street to another organization which was very happy to have capable seasoned employees and treat them as such.
Best decision I ever made. Wish I had done it sooner.
Boss didn’t last that long. Hard to boss when nobody is present.

49

@greenbutton.

ugh. That really stinks that there are not many jobs. But don’t give up. There are some work from home jobs out there. Like medical billing. I know there was a thread awhile back or you could start a new one and get some ideas.

Have your son get the medical insurance literature from work so you can look it over and find the best plan at this time. Then you can get an idea of what his work may cover and may not. He needs to learn this stuff anyway so you might as well look now.

At least you would have some idea of what might happen. He may have to live at home (if possible) so he can pay his medical expenses. If this is the reality then he needs to understand it. Or he may have to live with a few roommates.

Sure, it will change in 2 years but at least you will have some idea.

My d has medical issues. She has been pretty good at getting the hospital to put her on a payment plan.

My heart goes out to you. It is terrible to feel stuck

50

The good thing about ACA and health care changes are there are options. No preexisting condition clauses and annual caps on out of pocket expenses. Not saying healthcare is cheap but there are limits these days that protect those facing high health care bills.

51

S2 is newly launched and we had done the hw on which choice (his, or ours) would make the most sense. We are extremely fortunate that DH’s excellent insurance coverage is available even if S2’s employer offers coverage too. And yes, every medically complicated millenial needs to know a lot about insurance, etc. We raised him with that in mind.

ACA, Is not perfect, and hasn’t been a boon for everyone, but for us it has made a positive difference.

52

OP Update

I was serendipitously made aware of an open position elsewhere, applied, and was offered it. After much agonizing, I took my DH’s and siblings advice and left my troublesome job for an entirely new one.

I knew I was struggling to love my old job. But, when I started the new one, it was a revelation to realize how miserable I have been, for so long. People at my new place are pretty nice. Drama free. Pulling together. I mean, I know it won’t be bunnies and sunshine all the time, but WOW do I feel better…

53

Congrats, @greenbutton! I hope the new job goes well and happy you are feeling the immediate relief of getting out of a toxic situation.

54

What a wonderful happy ending!

Yeah, I know it’s not the end, but you know.

55

Fantastic news. I bet the former boss will regret your departure.

56

It is something I struggle with. I don’t know if I would call my environment toxic, I like the people I work with, and it certainly isn’t boring. The real problem is the stress, to get things done routinely takes long hours, working from home,etc, and what my team does is very, very visible. The other thing that makes it less than ideal is like most big organizations, they want things done certain ways, there are processes and procedures that center around documenting things in detail, and so forth. Due to the nature of my team’s work, we have faced with conflicting ideology, we are often under the gun to get new features into production, to get releases out, increase system capacity, and so forth, but my team is small, so we have a lot of ways of doing things that work, but also don’t meet the ‘standards’…given the size and scope of my team (we are small), there just aren’t the resources, yet we also can’t push back to slow releases down to allow us to ‘do it right’…kind of the old “look at everything my team did, how well it did” and getting “but you didn’t do it right” sigh. It is a well paying position, it definitely is letting me pay for my S’s music school and other things, but it also very much takes it toll, physically and emotionally, I routinely work long hours, there is a lot of stress, and it intrudes into my time that is supposed to be my own…after a long day, I am exhausted, plus I have a long commute, so I am not exactly in shape physically. Too, I am looking at the not too far future and pondering retirement, and this job once my S is done with school will allow me to build up a nice nest egg for retirement…so it is hard to ponder leaving here, because likely something paying as well will be just as stressful, if not worse.

Still, doesn’t mean I don’t ponder what it would be like to have a job where I could work regular hours, maybe have an easier commute and so forth, when I actually have a bit of downtime at work (which is rare) I see the difference. People say it is just a job, but that leaves out that we spend a lot of time with our work, and yes, it does mean something to us personally, it is often never just a job. It is very true that money is never a positive, that a crappy job that pays well is still a crappy job (money can only be a negative, or at best, neutral), but given especially as an older worker it isn’t easy to get another job, and the financial constraints on us, it often means living out a job less than ideal, especially when the burden of financial security is on you.

57

Yea for greenbutton!
I can still recall that delicious feeling of the day I finally quit my job and left for a great one. I had agonized over leaving and then kicked myself for not leaving sooner. One of the best decisions I ever made.

58

So happy for you greenbutton. As a business owner, I need to inform you all, employees are no picnic either sometimes. For the most part I have a great team. But there are always those who do bare minimum or less. I just got a hate letter from an employee who quit. She just didn’t get it. She was out in the field and every day I was getting phone calls from her accounts complaining. I had her ride with other people to see how they did their job, I had people ride with her to help her. We tried mentoring her, tried lining things out more specifically, tried encouraging her, but at the end of the day - my accounts weren’t happy with her and that is a problem for me. I can only do so much. When she sent an emailing complaining to the director of a hospital system, and then they forwarded it to me, it wasn’t going to be a good day for her. She resigned and accused me of a toxic environment. I’m glad to be rid of her. She never should have been hired, but those mistakes happen occasionally. I can assure you, most business owners don’t set out to be horrible or pester people just to pester them. Sometimes it’s not for an employee to know everything about things either. But be aware, it should be a two way street, just not what I can do for an employee.