<p>I’m thinking of moving when my DS heads off to college. I’ve been thinking about this all year and suddenly its nearly September and I haven’t really begun to do anything I need to do to make this change. We live in Oakland, CA and the crime rate has skyrocketed over the past couple of years. Nearly everyday I wonder if we’ll get out alive…shootings seem to be moving closer and closer to our street. I’ll be so happy when my son is in Pasadena (though I know bad things can happen anywhere). He was so happy with his high school, I didn’t want to disrupt his life. But now, he’ll be away so there’s really nothing keeping me here. I’m a single mom so it will just be me and my dogs. I joke with my son that I’ll need some sheep for our border collie she since won’t have him to herd. (We do have 3 cats that keep her somewhat busy). Does any one have any advice to offer on moving after your child goes off to college? I know he’s attached to our house as we’ve lived here his entire life…his never had many neighborhod friends as he went to private schools. Any suggestions for me who really wants to move to a more rural environment? I feel like both he and I are in similar places, both about to jump off into new worlds. But I’m the one that needs a push to make it happen.</p>
<p>Oaklandmom I sort of did this, in that I waited until after the Christmas holidays of her freshman year, and then began spending months at a time in another city. I did keep our home though - simply rented a second home in the new city. </p>
<p>Now, we spend our breaks in our home, which are glorious and never long enough; we spend time together at her off campus apartment in her college city - I’ve been here all summer except for business travel - (she has been in school 24 months straight), and we spend fun time together in the third city. We also have our time apart and alone - there are times when she flies to our primary residence for a weekend by herself, and I am either in the third city or in her apartment. Next week she’s in final exams for summer II so I will almost certainly fly home so that I don’t have to be around for the all nighters etc. </p>
<p>The downside is that I am literally paying for three residences including all the utilities - our home that we own, her off campus apartment, and a temporary apartment in the third city. The upside is that it IS all temporary, and when she moves off to grad school the rentals will certainly change. Also, we get to spend lots more time together this way, and it’s never boring. </p>
<p>At some point soon - within the next two years I will finally decide on a permanent city of residence, and that in turn will determine if I sell or rent our primary home. At this point I am completely torn as to which city to choose, however, this process has given me lots of time to thoroughly explore what I really want. </p>
<p>What you might want to consider is keeping your primary residence, and then experimenting with new places. That way you have a “safety net” if you don’t like someplace new. </p>
<p>But the real benefit to keeping your home as is - especially since your son grew up in the home - he always will have the comfort of his home available to him. Plus it gives him a base of operations for when he comes home on breaks and wants to see his friends from high school. I’d take sort of a “measure twice, cut once” position with regard to too much change too soon. Make sure first he’s happy and settled at school, then, begin to make changes, but keep your primary residence intact. Of course, all families are different so your son may happily adjust to whatever you decide to do.</p>
<p>Oaklandmom - I forgot to say - I have been evaluating various cities for the past three years, probably to the point of obsession. Trouble is every city is very interesting and exciting. Have come away with the conclusion that basically, since we take ourselves with us everywhere we go, I’m going to be happy anywhere - it doesn’t matter, it’s going to be a lot of fun. Therefore, the decisioning defaults back into economics - and that’s where it starts to get a little dicey, if you examine factors such as home prices, business/economy, political environment, health care/geriatric care, etc. Oh, and where will the grandchildren play - and there WILL be grandchildren, right??? LOL :)</p>
<p>Oaklandmon- You make a very good case here for moving, so I’m sure your son will understand your desire to move out of the city. (He will certainly understand the safety issue.)
Do lots of research and visits. Get excited and share your excitement with your son. If you’re happy, he’ll be happy for you. </p>
<p>Good luck with your new adventure !!</p>
<p>If you’re serious about wanting sheep for your border collies, we have some lovely semi-rural communities here in the distant suburbs of Seattle (the far Eastside) where you could have land and sheep–and I know people who could help you learn sheepherding with those border collies. Check out this website: <a href=“http://www.ewe-topia.com/index.htm[/url]”>http://www.ewe-topia.com/index.htm</a></p>
<p>As for moving, my parents moved when my sister went to college–smaller house in the city, one bedroom for me, one for them–and then again when I went to college–to a one-bedroom apartment. They told me they didn’t expect me to come home, so what was the point? Maybe there’s some place your son has always wanted to explore?</p>
<p>We lived in Oakland a long time ago… right off Grand Ave near the Grand Lake theater, Lake Meritt. It was nice. :)</p>
<p>OaklandMom ~</p>
<p>Although I can’t be of much help to you…I live on the East Coast, I want to wish you well in your new journey. If your current home holds fond memories for you and your child, you might want to take artsy pictures of the facade or interior and frame quadrants hung in fours or some such. A nice touch…something to hold dear. :O)</p>
<p>thank you all so much! I’m feeling so much better about my decision…friends here just don’t seem to understand - I’m sure some of it is they just don’t want me to leave. But I really want an adventure! I’d actually been really hoping he’d decide on MIT as I fell in love with Northamton, MA when he was back there last summer & the housing prices are amazing! But since he decided to stay in California I’m not quite brave enough to venture cross country - maybe when he goes off to graduate school I’ll be ready for a bigger adventure. I love the idea of taking some artsy pictures of just house to take with us…oh goodness, another project added to my list! Thanks again everyone!</p>
<p>oaklandmom, my parents moved from my childhood home after my freshman year in college. It was not in a high crime area, but I wasn’t too attached to the community as I’d spent the last two years in a boarding school. It never bothered me at all at the time, as they moved to a much, much nicer place. It never even occurred to me that my childhood memories would be all I would take with me into the future. </p>
<p>If you can find a place to move in a less expensive area of California that lets your son return to visit his friends, then I think you’ll have the appeal of greater safety plus not completely taking him out of his element. You can see perhaps where he settles before re-buying. Of course I realize that employment possibilities and the pets can make the search more complicated. But, you can move inland a bit from Oakland and probably find much of what appeals to you about northern California, with lower crime…</p>
<p>I too am thinking of moving after my twins graduate from high school, (we are also in the Bay Area). But am not sure if I will actually do so as I have lived here since 1975 and in some sense I have put down roots–as much as Californians ever do—but I will probably need to continue working, at least part-time, so will probably stay in the area at least while I’m still responsible for some tuition…</p>