It doesn’t matter what type of school your child attends. State schools or Ivy league all have the same issues. Now some of the schools have living learning communities which may include dry floors. Others have dorms/houses that are “more religious”. Most schools have Christian groups which tend to share those same values. Community service groups would also share those values. Greek life tends to be party life and with the requirements during pledging to attend events, less studying. Signing pledges against drinking boils down to meaning nothing. Even Brigham Young broke down and allowed caffeine on campus. What it all comes down to is the values and morals that you have instilled in your child. They can find others on campus with the same values and have fun at school. My youngest found several friends and they are still best friends years later. Dorm living is a part of growing up and becoming responsible for yourself. They also miss out on a lot when they are commuters. It all comes down to your child and what they chose to do, they just have to start saying no and not feel pressured into anything that they don’t want to do.
@JenJenJenJen I found this article in Rolling Stone about the drug busts at Wesleyan University in Connecticut.
My own experience is that NYC and New England have slightly more druggy culture than the midwestern schools, but I could be wrong. The drug culture was strong when I was in the Boston area from 1978-1989. Both east coast wealth, fast paced lifestyle and drinking culture of parents, and the availability of substances from NYC are the reasons I believe.
Some college administrators and colleges are just stricter all around about student illegal drugs sales and use. At Case Western, if a student puts a thumbtack hole in a wall, there is a charge, and all drug paraphernalia is confiscated by CWRU university policy. OK, it does go off campus there, but still the rules are a bit more clear in Ohio, is my observation.
Freedom of expression is a value in some New England schools, read on:
http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/inside-the-wesleyan-molly-bust-20151007
I think when a drug culture gets as bad as Wesleyan U, its a big problem for some students who want to avoid substance abuse. A friend of mine, who was at Wesleyan in the early 1980s, found drugs to be used constantly, she could hardly find any friends there who did not want to experiment with drugs. She took a semester in a big midwestern state school and a year abroad, but she came close to transferring due to the predominant drug culture at Wesleyan U. This mom certainly would not send any of her children to Wesleyan U.
^Well, I’m not minimizing the possibility or even probability that incoming Wesleyan students will encounter peers who smoke pot. Personally, I think it correlates with the large number of performing artists who are drawn to Wesleyan’s music scene (one of the best for such a small college.) I would also say, however, that the university goes out of its way to discourage its public use. And, Wesleyan, a highly endowed college, relies less and less on traditional dormitories as its students acquire housing lottery points. A small group of abstemious friends can land a suite or even a small house of their own as early as sophomore year.
As for harder drugs, I would point out that just about everyone was surprised by the molly bust two years ago; its sale and use is not nearly as open and notorious as pot and even this New York Times reporter had trouble tracking down sources for this follow-up article, days after the bust:
https://www.nytimes.com/times-insider/2015/03/17/drugs-on-campus-a-reporters-challenge/?rref=collection%2Ftimestopic%2FWesleyan%20University&action=click&contentCollection=timestopics®ion=stream&module=stream_unit&version=latest&contentPlacement=8&pgtype=collection
My friend attended a very highly ranked private school many years ago. She told me that there was a prostitution ring on campus.
I think we have done a good job of explaining to the op… These behaviors do not discriminate between public and private. It is about familiarizing yourself with your schools of interest and determining whether or not they are a good fit for you.
Back in the “anything goes” '70’s I was a naive girl from a conservative family and a heavily Catholic culture. Drinking was something I was exposed to before college , but drugs and casual sex were not. Yes there were things I was exposed to in the dorm that I had not encountered before, but I did not feel pressured to participate. I just quietly said “no thanks”.
I may not have participated in some things, but I learned to be a lot less judgemental. Some of the really nicest and most genuinely good people did some things that I did not. They were not bad people - some were my best friends. This was one of the best lessons I learned in college.
Must be noted, though, that just because a university is private and religiously affiliated, does not mean that these issues are diminished. There is just as much “crummy behavior” happening at MOST (not all) of these schools. And quite honestly, I believe that many students take advantage of private Christian universities because they can get in and get scholarships. It is going to be very difficult to avoid these things unless you are specially looking for these things as firsthand priority in college selection.
@circuitrider The Connecticut papers cover Wesleyan U better than the NY Times.
There has been an additional arrest at Wesleyan, this one associated with football players, more recently
than the first big incident. The first incident included four drug dealers on campus, one who
was hospitalized and all were expelled. One nearly died, but he was also arrested after he recovered, as
he admitted to being a drug dealer on campus. I think all these kids got leniency as they were first time offenders
and they got second chances. According to the Connecticut newspapers, The head drug dealer has made a big turn around down at a pubic school in Maryland, after he was released from jail. It turned out he was a manic depressive and self medicating with “molly”. He was an undergrad, running a drug ring, to fund his habit. It happens!
So the Hartford newspaper says that a year later, a completely different drug dealer on campus was distributing drugs to 15 Wesleyan football players, read this:
http://www.courant.com/breaking-news/hc-middletown-wesleyan-football-player-plea-deal-0309-2-20160308-story.html
I think its good to get it out on the table, the nitrous oxide deaths at MIT, the drug deals all over the Boston area,
and make it more clear to parents and students what they could be up against.
While it may be easy to avoid in some dorms, in other places, there could be peer pressure. MIT had lots of use and little peer pressure. But I would say it affects those who do not use, in fact. Its just a huge responsibility to
take a fellow student to a hospital or call 911. Its too much for some students, so good to be aware, and choose friends wisely.
@Coloradomama , my point wasn’t that the New York Times does a better job at covering Connecticut news than the Hartford media. And, I’m all for full disclosure. My point was that it’s perfectly possible to attend a college - even one as small as Wesleyan - and know nothing about its seamy underside. Personality, I still think booze is responsible for more emergency room visits than hard drugs. But, we don’t hear about those because no one’s going to go to jail for underage drinking. Obviously, one can tell a child to avoid a school’s party scene. Or, avoid an entire college altogether, as you seem to be suggesting. Of course, that would mean finding a school with no drugs or alcohol. I’d like to know their names.
Personally
As some have said on here, find a college that has a substance-free dorm. D wound up in one her first year. Not for religious reasons, but she and her roommate thought it would be quieter and less hassle (dealing with inebriated people, for example). Both things were true. Added bonus is that two of D’s roommates this year (in a regular on-campus apartment) were on her floor in in freshman year and are now her two good friends. None of them - including their 4th - are into the party scene - birds of a feather and all. Your daughter just needs the opportunity to meet people like herself - they exist on every campus, just like the drinking, drugs and other stuff that kids trying to be “adults” get up to.
Just pointing out that the OP seems to have checked out.
@Josie5 Living on campus is a great experience. Commuting is a good option too, but the cost of gas adds up every day of the week when you have to drive to class. Partying, drinking, and staying up late happens all the time. Even a small social gathering of friends still counts as a small party, drinking or not.
Overall, the size or cost of the school doesn’t matter. I go to Slippery Rock University in Pennsylvania. It’s located in a small town and compared to IUP (Indiana University of PA, which is our rival) and West Virginia, we aren’t known for partying like them.
We have a total of 8,895 students who attend our university, while they exceed over 10,000.
On an extra note, most people go home every weekend because there’s nothing much to do at SRU, despite some of the parties that occur. It all depends on people’s personal preference:
Home or Away Football games
Homecoming weekend will also make people stay as well
Staying over the weekend if the weather is too bad to drive back
etc.
I’d have to say this is SIGNIFICANTLY untrue… I am from the south, Arkansas to be exact, and I frown on these party type behaviors just like the rest of you but that doesn’t stop them. If not a drinking party every weekend, people are drinking everyday down here.
I agree
D goes to a big state (sports/Greek) u. because of the great merit scholarship she got there. Our family is very conservative. D accidentally (because she signed up late) ended up in the only all-girls dorm. Her roommate and she attend church together. D worked very hard to keep her grades up for her scholarship (just finished 1st semester with a 4.0). She has gone to the football games, theater shows, joined a fun club, etc. She’s not in a sorority. My neighbor’s D transferred out of this school complaining of "too much drinking. " That made me nervous about sending my D there. But my D is not seeing that heavy drinking culture. At a big school, there are all kinds of people–plenty of scholarly non-drinkers, too. (Tbh, I think neighbor’s kid used “too much drinking” to scare her parents into letting her transfer to another state u–to be near her boyfriend! ) Sometimes more money (private school) brings in more drugs. Sometimes fairly open admissions (state u.) brings in academically weaker, less disciplined students who party hard and flunk out. I think this is what concerns the OP. (I had a college roommate whose dad had made her transfer from state party school to the more academic public school I attended. She brought the drugs/loser boyfriend with her and flunked out anyway.) I think raising the drinking age has made a positive change from when H and I were in college. Yes, there will be kids with fake IDs, parties, hookups, drugs, etc. It probably sounds a lot worse than it is because the “good kids” don’t make the news.
My daughter turned 21 on Thurs and I picked her up at the airport that night. She was telling her sister (also 21) that her friends took her out to drink and gave her a lot of alcohol as gifts, and she said she’s unlikely to drink most of it because it just makes her fat. She’s an athlete and works hard to stay in shape. She has a lot of friends who like to drink (obviously) but she’s always been the designated driver because she’s the youngest of the group.
She has the social life she wants but is in bed most often by 10 pm and up at 5. This semester she had to take 19 credits to graduate on time so the last 2 weeks have been nothing but projects and exams.
My other daughter doesn’t really like to drink either. She had a boyfriend who didn’t drink but now has one who does. She has no problem not drinking when her friends are.
I want to chime in on kids able to make their own decisions. Purdue was mentioned in the first post and my daughter is a senior there. She’s never had any “trashy” behavior in or near her dorms. She lived on a women’s engineering floor her first year, a women’s dorm her second year and an apartment her third year. When she looked for her Freshman roommate she asked on the FB board for someone who wanted a party-free dorm room and I’m sure that made all the difference. If someone is finding massive amounts of alcohol and partying at Purdue it’s because they are looking for them not because it’s “rampant” and students can’t avoid it. Also, from a parent’s perspective the school’s a major bargain. 
We are darned happy with our daughter’s 3.5 years there, she definitely has done less partying that her parents… and we both went to small private colleges.
I’m not even in college yet, but as someone close to your child’s age I can assure you that ‘bad behavior’ will happen anywhere. No cardinal direction is safe from drinking or drugs. I’m not conservative or religious, but if you’ve raised your child to make good decisions then I don’t see what the problem is? I assume some of the parents here also went to college and drank and maybe even dabbled in drugs and you guys turned out all right. If you didn’t dabble you were around it perhaps. Either way, college is so important in not only academically shaping a young adult but also teaching them life lessons because right out of the gate at 22 they’re going to be on their own. I know it might be hard to let them fly the nest but just take solace in knowing you raised a good kid that is capable of saying no when they don’t want to do something.
The original concern by the OP was that public schools have more “trashy” behavior ( drinking etc) than private schools. I think we showed that this is not the case. These behaviors occur at both public and private schools…and there are students at both who choose to abstain.