Checking My Privilege: Character as the Basis of Privilege - a freshman perspective

Parent Cafe
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<p>Actually, it’s not my overthinking, but relating my experiences in a much less diplomatic techie related forum with what I’ve heard from many URMs and lower SES students about being fed up with being expected to politely grin and bear and educate their more racially and/or SES privileged classmates and other folks in their daily life…especially considering it feels like an added burdensome tax upon them to use Ucbalumnus’ analogy when it happens on a nonstop regular basis in their daily lives. </p>

<p>For instance, I sympathized with a high school student in a past thread who wondered whether her HS government history’s comments putting her on the spot for her Nigerian background. Unfortunately, some of the same commenters who are making snarky remarks here were the very same ones implying she’s imagining things, she should assume the teacher’s “best intentions”, and she’s “oversensitive”…and making snarky comments about mine when I wrote in sympathy as I had similar experiences in K-8 because I was “foreign looking” as an Asian-American. </p>

<p>An experience someone who could pass for a “real murikan” is unlikely to have experienced firsthand…or possibly even know about unless they knew someone who had such experiences and felt comfortable their experiences won’t be minimized or dismissed to confide it to them. </p>

<p>Lindz126’s post about her students only reinforces this. </p>

<p>There’s also a related argument that those with greater privilege have greater resources for self-education and a greater duty to take advantage of them by virtue of having that privilege. </p>

<p>It’s an argument I’ve heard some women I’ve known argued when they related getting aggravated about having their accounts of being catcalled on streets by random men dismissed and belittled…or worse…had blame directed towards them by some other male friends and relatives in their lives because they’ve never experienced or even seen it for themselves. I probably would have been as ignorant of the gravity of this issue if I had not witnessed drive-by catcalling happening to a female classmate right as she was conversing with me and another male classmate during freshman orientation at an outdoor area. </p>

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<p>Ok cobrat, it’s interesting to me, that some of the same people (you) who insisted that the phrase “where are you from” is offensive to minorities, refuses to concede that “check your privilege” is offensive to whites. Even when they tell you so. </p>

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<p>Then I won’t be subtle. Talk about clueless - the prattling on about Linux vs Windows (who cares?) and perceptions of CCNY in the past and countless anecdotes of cousins’ neighbors’ coworkers’ friends who discuss everything under the sun with you is far more clueless than a white person who doesn’t realize what it’s like for a black person to feel followed when shopping. FAR. </p>

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Words to live by, Cobrat</p>

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<p>Maybe a better phrase is “white obliviousness.” For white people to be surprised that black people still get followed solely because of their skin color suggests a general cluelessness about how the world might be for those who are different from them.</p>

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<p>Racism sill exists, but it’s pretty clear that it’s no longer considered acceptable.To some degree it will always exist along with death, taxes, rape, and murder. For anyone to be surprised by that surprises me. Actually, I don’t believe it. Especially, a college student at Princeton or any one of these campuses where pointing out every little micro-aggression has become an EC. This stuff is news to no-one. There is also a tendency to want to make every offense suffered by a minority a racial event. Even when it’s not… That’s part of the ever-correction. “You think adult men should pull up their pants. AHA, your a racist!” Ridiculous.</p>

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<p>I think adult men should pull up their pants if they want to be taken seriously. I also think adult men like Fortgang should put ON their big-boy pants and get over themselves.</p>

<p>Here’s one last (I hope) response to the original rant.</p>

<p><a href=“Check My Privilege, Please! | HuffPost Voices”>Check My Privilege, Please! | HuffPost Voices;

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<p>I am not willing to concede that, to some degree, racism will always exist. I am not willing to accept there is over-correction as long as it does exist.</p>

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<p>Ok, alh. Here’s my daughter, at a college that, well, is a <em>women’s college.</em> I mean, that’s the whole identity of the place. Strong women, changing the world, you go Hillary and Madeline, and all that.</p>

<p>But you can’t even have someone post something on a Facebook group such as “Hey ladies, come join the XYZ Club at 8 pm for some delicious munchies and to hear about what we have to offer!” without some humorless person reminding everyone that not everyone identifies as female and so it’s offensive and a microaggression to say “Hey ladies.” And I’m not kidding here. This is the kind of nonsense that goes on all the time. </p>

<p>I mean, it’s almost to the point where you’re afraid to say “delicious munchies” because you might be offending the one person on campus who doesn’t have any teeth and can’t munch. I don’t think you appreciate how tiresome it can be. </p>

<p>And that IS overcorrection. </p>

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<p>"Maybe a better phrase is “white obliviousness.” For white people to be surprised that black people still get followed solely because of their skin color suggests a general cluelessness about how the world might be for those who are different from them. "</p>

<p>I think it’s possible to know it intellectually but not have a true feel for it unless you’re with a black friend and see it happen. But likewise, I think “check your privilege” is an intentionally-oblivious comment, because it’s oblivious to the totality of the life experiences that the person it’s directed to may have had. </p>

<p>Because you may be directing “check your privilege” to a white upper middle class student who grew up in an abusive household, or who lost both parents in an accident and was taken in by relatives, or who has whatever other sad situation in life. And “check your privilege” directed towards someone - when you don’t know all their life circumstances - is the height of obnoxiousness. Who are you (generic you) to think that you’ve necessarily suffered more than someone else in life? Unless you’re privy to everyone’s background, you just don’t know. Maybe the person who grew up being hit by their father would gladly have traded that for being followed around when jogging. It’s not a competition as to who has suffered more, but “check your privilege” is throwing down the card that “indeed, I have suffered more than you and therefore I’m more virtuous and my view on life has more validity.”</p>

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<p>Also, it is not typically said by people with big problems. It is said by people who are self-appointed spokespeople for whatever oppressed group is the cause celeb of the moment. In other words., they are not usually suffering from a notable lack of privilege themselves. Good grief, they’re at Princeton.</p>

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<p>I’ve never heard the phrase, “check your privilege” said out loud. I had imagined it was something said by someone who knew the other person quite well (parent, grandparent, sibling, or really close friend) to someone making egregious assumptions. I thought the idea the speaker was trying to get across is that not everybody is as fortunate as they are. </p>

<p>You don’t have to attend an Ivy to be in a position that’s better than someone else’s. Somebody, somewhere probably has it worse. We’re a single income family who pays full price for our local swim team, but I wouldn’t entertain comments from my children about families getting aid. We’re in the fortunate position of not needing it. I suppose the underlying idea could be discussed beyond family, (between friends who know each other well) but it’s a conversation that can be approached differently than that acrimonious phrase suggests. The conversation may not need to be held at all.</p>

<p>Many years ago, while I was working my way through a private NYS university, I had a good friend whose father you’d recognize if you ever turn on your TV or watch a movie. This student didn’t have any money worries. A large percentage of the students in our major didn’t seem to have to worry about money either. This student was aware of the differences and was very adept at handling situations. When well heeled students would suggest going to club x to hang out and eat, this student COULD’VE said “check your privilege”, these guys can’t afford that. Instead, a preference for the less expensive club y was made known, or it was suggested we go to a coffee house. This young person (I was an adult student) often was amongst the last to order and kept the order in the general ballpark of the lowest order. If several people ordered full meals but somebody ordered coffee and a hard roll, this student ordered something inbetween, but on the lower end. We had a lot of conversations about money and assumptions people make about those who have it and those who don’t. I was highly impressed by the example set by this young person and I daresay the response to leading by example was much better than any “check your privilege” would have garnered.</p>

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<p>I think there’s also a lot of convicting-someone-before-they’ve-committed-a-crime. Example of a “microaggression” cited on a sign: “I am not my hair, and my Afro shouldn’t have any bearing on what you think of my professionalism.” Well, that’s great. But I never thought you <em>were</em> your hair in the first place, nor did I ever let how you wear your hair have any bearing on my evaluation of you professionally, so you know something? Stop accusing me of crimes I didn’t commit. Maybe I should hold up a sign saying “I am not your oppressor just because I happen to be white and upper middle class.” </p>

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<p>I don’t want to turn this into a Wellesley diatribe, but some students recently stormed the president’s office and this is their manifesto:</p>

<p>“We, the Concerned Asian, Black, Latin@, Native, Differently-Abled, First-Generation and LGBTQ-identified students at Wellesley College “seek to eradicate systems of oppression as they affect marginalized communities on this campus. These systems–which include racism, classism, sexism, heterosexism, and ableism–are deployed at [Wellesley] and beyond as forms of institutional violence. We demand that [Wellesley] challenge these systems by redistributing power and resources in a way that is radically equitable. Dialogue and resistance are both legitimate and necessary ways of disturbing the status quo and forcing parties to deal with the roots of the issues.” The institutional violence that
exists at Wellesley is manifested via the lack of academic equality, the lack of resources and support for students and faculty of color, and the lack of academic disciplines that speak about the histories of marginalized and oppressed groups in our society. Institutionalized oppression exists at Wellesley and is manifested by the inadequate financial and institutional resources and support for students, particularly students of color and other marginalized communities.”</p>

<p>Institutional VIOLENCE? Lack of academic equality? Lack of resources and support and inadequate financial aid – at one of the most well-endowed and generous LACs in the country? Institutionalized OPPRESSION? Sorry. Spare me. This IS overcorrection, it’s overentitlement, and it’s over the top. </p>

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<p>Can you name names of those “many” on this thread, please, who don’t believe that this stuff no longer happens?</p>

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<p>PG,</p>

<p>From this, it seems you’re ignoring the commenters who have made it clear having privilege in a certain context whether it’s on the basis of race, gender, SES status, sexual orientation, disability status, etc doesn’t mean one’s life is free of troubles in part or total.</p>

<p>Rather, it means in the context of one of the listed basis, a privileged person doesn’t suffer the burdens and pitfalls as opposed to someone who doesn’t have that privilege…or have as much of it. </p>

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<p>Unless that statement is specifically directed at you because you dressed down someone or said something about unprofessionalism about Afros in conversation, there’s a bit of sage advice which is applicable in this situational context:</p>

<p>“If it’s not about you, don’t make it about you.” If you do, you run the risk of others feeling “Doth protest too much”. </p>

<p>It is most likely that statement is made in the context of formal corporate business dress and grooming norms which makes White hair styles the prevalent default in many large corporations and businesses which follow their lead on this. </p>

<p>It’s an issue several Black co-workers and friends have run up against in much more formal corporate organizations as due to their genetically dictated hair structure, they often have to go through time-consuming and sometimes expensive hair treatments to make their hair conform to such dress/grooming norms…and comply or risk penalties or even being fired. </p>

<p>There’s many articles you can google about this very issue. </p>

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<p>I am a bit amused you seem a bit apoplectic over what would have been a pedestrian manifesto issued by many activist-type protesters and organizations at my LAC 15+ years ago when I attended. </p>

<p>Also, if the unreconstructed hippie parents of some HS/college classmates’ accounts are anything to go by…the same could be said of the protest manifestos many countercultural groups issued during the '60s anti-Vietnam/countercultural protests. </p>

<p>In many ways, your reaction here fits those of many of the unreconstructed hippies’ establishment-oriented “square” parents who didn’t seem to get the protests and overreact to their differences in worldview.</p>

<p>To paraphrase a popular musician from around your HS/college years, it isn’t always hip to be square. :D</p>

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<p>I don’t think you appreciate how tiresome it can be.</p>

<p>Most of my adult life has been spent in what some of you describe as over the top PC environments and I do not find it tiresome at all. I have found it to be educational. I think deconstructing “ladies” is useful. I am very interested in all perspectives on gender issues and identification and really want to have a better understanding of experiences and perspectives unlike my own.</p>

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<p>In other words, it is a “duh” moment, that for some reason has become hugely important to verbally drive home to even the smartest people on earth, under some weird assumption that they otherwise would never realize it if you didn’t insult them.</p>

<p>When someone tells you a phrase you are using is offensive, it is best not to use it. </p>

<p>After learning from this forum that “where are you from?” is always a loaded question when asked of a person of color, I have vowed never to say it again, at least intentionally, even if I’m just trying to find out where they live.</p>

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<p>So if, in the course of normal conversation, one might ask someone where they are from (which is a normal part of discourse), is there a “correct” way to ask? Sometimes political correctness is downright ridiculous. Sometimes folks are wound a bit too tight.</p>

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<p>Taking offense to that question isn’t just offensive to some people of color. </p>

<p>A White HS US government/history teacher I had who immigrated through Ellis island with her family in the early 20th century chewed out several classmates for asking the same question out of curiosity when the topic of discussion was on immigration and Ellis Island…including her own family’s experience going through that immigration entry station. </p>

<p>Seemed to be a real sore point with her. </p>