<p>Is it possible your daughter has ADD. If she struggles with focusing, that can add a lot of wasted time to completing a task. ADD is common among bright people and they don’t have to be hyperactive to be ADD.</p>
<p>I have asked her how long her friends take on homework. I think they also spend several hours but may not spend as long as mine. Yes, she is perfectionistic (copies her math over even after she has done the problems once). Is a really slow reader, and doesn’t even really like to read, so I have wondered about focus before. Tests in reading well (state tests, etc) so I don’t think she has a reading disorder. She focuses really well on things she likes, but could be ADD. It might be worth getting her tested to rule all of this out.</p>
<p>Teachers and staff are shocked that she is so anxious and unhappy. At school she is bubbly and involved and never seems stressed. She performs well, is involved in discussion, etc. But there are no study halls, which is another problem, since she can’t get a head start on homework.</p>
<p>I would say she has probably two to three tests a week. Sometimes she has had three tests in a day. How other kids manage, I really don’t know. I think a lot of other kids get special education, modifications, etc. And there is a strong cultural push for some kids to excel too, so we may never hear that any of those kids are struggling.</p>
<p>About the reading - you could be describing my son exactly. Always tested above the 95th percentile in English/reading on the state tests. Great reading comprehension and retention, much better than mine. That’s why I, like you, couldn’t imagine that there was any problem. Just a slow reader, I thought, and didn’t much enjoy it. The neuropsychological evaluation was a real eye-opener for both of us. He works really, really hard to read - no wonder he doesn’t do it for enjoyment!</p>
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<p>Tell her to tell the other students that her grades are her business. They may poke fun at first, but eventually they’ll get the hint.</p>
<p>There might not be a whole lot you can do about this; she has to learn that grades aren’t EVERYTHING, especially not in Middle School.</p>
<p>Three tests a day in middle school is ridiculous. Middle school is horrible for just about everyone; very few people I know enjoyed it.</p>
<p>I would strongly suggest you get her a fresh start in HS. If your district is like my old one, all the kids from Middle School X go to High School Y. I decided that I could NOT spend four more years with the same group of kids, so went to High School Z. I made great friends and was extremely happy most of the time in high school. I really couldn’t have been happier with my high school experience.</p>
<p>I also agree with getting things checked out; one of my best friends did not get diagnosed with ADD until this past summer because she always got good grades, except in math, and she just procrastinated like mad.</p>
<p>I know it’s hard…I begged my parents to home school me for most of middle school. But hopefully high school gives her some relief.</p>
<p>Get her tested. It is not uncommon for students whose intelligence has been masking LDs to hit a wall around 7th or 8th grade.</p>
<p>Delta66: I have never been tested for ADD and won’t ask to be at this point in my life, but I know I have many of the symptoms. Reading has never been a big hobby of mine because I struggle with being easily distracted. My husband and kids can completely disregard any noises and stay focused on a book, but I can’t. I do read well and I started reading at the age of three, but I don’t really like to read anything longer than a typical magazine article. When I read books I find myself rereading parts of it because my mind will start to wander and I forget what I was reading. Fortunately I teach a technology course and to keep up with my material I primarily need to read technical magazines, but to grade research papers. It is a chore. I will set aside time to grade 5 papers at a time, when no one is at home or I am alone in my classroom after school.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine having the homework load your daughter has. My daughter is finishing her senior year in IB and has had a similar work load as your daughter. She has done well because she can focus and is naturally organized. I don’t think I would have been as successful had I tried an IB type program in high school - too much work and not enough time.</p>
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<p>Argh! My daughter used to bring home word searches all the time in middle school. They were so incredibly time consuming. She learned NOTHING from doing a word search, and most of them were very difficult. This was on top of plenty of regular homework (although nothing like the OP is describing). Eventually, she automatically handed over all word search homework to me and either I would do them, or I would enlist her older brothers to help out. Such a ridiculous time waster.</p>
<p>By the way, I would hate school too if I was the OP’s daughter. Poor thing! Good luck OP!</p>
<p>In your situation, with 3 months to go, I’d give myself over to it and sit with her each and every night, help her in any way you perceive to finish her homework over the dining room table every evening. See if together you can finish it in a matter of 2-3 hours. Then eat ice cream and giggle.</p>
<p>In the course of that, you might notice where she is bogging down, or give her some efficiency tips. At the very least it will lift her spirits until the year is over. Consider yourself her tutor. It sounds like a big investment, but so is home schooling her.</p>
<p>Also get her tested for ADD and a Learning Disability. </p>
<p>Something my mom did for me when I got miserable in middle school (and I’ll love her forever for this) was she’d let me take off one day biweekly to study and catch up in the public library, learning any darned thing I pleased. Without all the goofy friends around, I got a lot of busywork done by noon, and developed a genuine love of learning for its own sake with my afternoon browsing the shelves. If I were to do this today, I’d do it requiring she hand over her cellphone to me first.</p>
<p>I colored for my kids because it drove both of them absolutely bonkers and I find it relaxing. I kept telling them that they wouldn’t have to color once they got to hs but was proved wrong more than once. Thankfully neither has had to color in college so far.</p>
<p>We call that Mom’s 504.</p>
<p>“We call that Mom’s 504.” </p>
<p>I love that! </p>
<p>I agree with everyone who suggests testing. I would also encourage you to look at a school that’s more hands-on. Look to see if any of those private schools are progressive, Montessori or say they emphasize experiential education. You may uncover a place your daughter can really thrive.</p>
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<p>After testing (which we found very useful), I would consider therapy to learn more about, and address as needed, these perfectionist tendencies.</p>
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<p>Great idea. Now that I think about it, we did a lot of this sort of thing too - moral support, time allocation guidance/prioritization, occasional actual HW assistance. It’s teaching them to learn efficiently, and it’s fine to do this in MS I think, for those kids that need it. Those log jams can use up a lot of time, and my kid had a few of them.</p>