My parents were always here, but not for long. They stopped by very frequently but usually just to drop something off and a quick chat, no invite, heck they never even knocked. I wished my IL’s lived closer. Only an hour away, but they were older than my parents and at some point, couldn’t make the trip. We would drive them here and bring them home, but eventually our home was no longer accessible to them, so we went there.
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For clarity, her parents fly from Midwest to Ca.
I would feel the same if it happens often. I am more available for babysitting because I live close by. But D1 does make a point of inviting her in-laws to come visit often (they live few hours away by car). If they are going away for few days, I would usually get the weekdays and her in-laws would come for the weekend. I go on beach vacations with D1’s family and in-laws do ski trips.
Maybe you want to have a conversation with your son. Not in a negative way, but to say that you would like to see your GK more often, and you wouldn’t mind visiting whenever they are available. But I wouldn’t make it a comparison to his in-laws.
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Your jealousy is understandable. It could just be that your DIL is more comfortable with, or more manipulated by, her own parents and your S isn’t able to break that. I have a couple of friends who have been a bit iced out by their DILs, and in almost every case, it comes down to the DIL’s relationship with her family/mother. – whether one of distrust, control, etc.
Could you ask your S (alone) if he could think of ways to give you more time with your GK? Maybe watching them when they travel (so no DIL to contend with) or not staying with them when you visit? Or taking a short trip with them to give their parents a break?
Really, this is tough and I am sorry. For so many of us, we realize where we fell short on these issues when it’s too late to do anything about it.
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