<p>^^ Great story. That has generally been our experience with our class. Everything has equalized. We now bond on shared memories of the community, families, eldercare and sports (or in the case of our high school- pathetic sports).</p>
<p>You know what really bothers me? The bullied who become bullies. </p>
<p>I had a teacher who was semi-bullied by my father (supposedly, although apparently only the now-teacher remembers it). He took it out on me by giving me a hard time in his class. Luckily, I didn’t much care as it was a blow off class and everyone hated him. It’s just funny how some people hold grudges for decades.</p>
<p>I was bullied through middle school & largely invisible thru much of HS. Tried attending a few reunions but they really weren’t great for me as they didn’t rekindle much in the way of happy memories or feelings and I didn’t reconnect with anyone I cared about. I remember attending one where people were mourning the death of a classmate while I was silent–when pressed, I said, “I’m afraid I have a hard time mourning the passing of someone who bullied and hit me when I was a scared, defenseless, friendless young girl.” They were speechless! I was saddened by the deaths of classmates who were kind.</p>
<p>My H’s reunions are much more joyous and I attend those. Am very selective about whom I friend and do not include anyone who bullied me among my “friends,” virtual or otherwise.</p>
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<p>Do any of the former bullies admit to having been a bully? There were lots of bullies around when I was in in K-12. But now as adults they all seem to have all disappeared. </p>
<p>Has anyone every had an adult colleague admit to being a bully back in the day?</p>
<p>We were talking about bullying in one of my freshman comp classes (reading some essays on the topic.) One girl admitted she’d been a bully when she was younger. Asked why, her answer was basically, “I don’t know.”</p>
<p>If I ever run into the boy that lived next door to me and particularly tormented me on the bus and walking home all through junior high, I don’t know what I’d do. I hope I don’t–just thinking about all the kids on the bus grinning and smirking about how bad it was going to be (and entertaining to them) makes me sick to my stomach 40 years later.</p>
<p>I hope I never see him again.</p>
<p>One boy tormented a bunch of us girls in 5th grade. I can’t remember details, but it was bad enough we went to our teacher as a group to complain. She gave us permission to HIT him if he bugged us again. Word must have gotten to him, because he didn’t bother us anymore. I remember feeling very empowered by the teacher’s words, though.</p>
<p>One of my good friends in high school was a real “runt of the litter” type. This was a very small community, with a tiny school system, and of our graduating class of 120, there were probably 25 or more who’d gone through together since kindergarten. He was one of them, so they’d seen him as the smallest kid in the class, the one with the lazy eye and the eye patch, the whole nine yards. You know that kid. There was one in your first grade class. </p>
<p>Anyhow, he went off to college and then AFTER graduating from college he grew about 5 inches and gained however many pounds it took to make him quite a normal-looking, non-scrawny guy. He moved back to the area where we grew up and started going to reunions, where people literally did not recognize him. He found out that people had changed, that everyone had a story, that life had been quite the equalizer, and his attitude was, “Why should I hold it against you if you weren’t mature enough at the age of 17 to appreciate all different kinds of people?” Because, you know, it’s not like he was, either–he hadn’t attempted to see the good in the tough kids or the vo-tech kids or whatever.</p>
<p>I went with him to the 30th reunion, taking that attitude with me, and it was very freeing.</p>
<p>Yes, I am Facebook friends with some who were bullies (towards me and others) when I was little.</p>
<p>Before accepting friends, I usually see if they have young children of their own. If so, I think it’s reasonable safe to be Facebook friends as parenthood tends to cause people to grow up. And I think most parents use Facebook to look at pictures of others kids. No problems so far, and I’m confident there won’t be in the future.</p>
<p>Those who don’t have kids are much less likely to have me accept their friend request.</p>
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<p>Same here. I’ve reconnected with my HS friends on FB but have no interest in attending reunions or “friending” people who thought they were too good to speak to me in HS! </p>
<p>There was a girl who bullied me pretty relentlessly when I was in 7th grade who is now the published author of an “inspirational” memoir. Every time I see her name, it brings back the humiliation of that time. I’ve written her a couple of emails that I deleted without sending because there doesn’t seem to be any point. I don’t actually want to cause her any pain and I don’t want an apology; for all I know, she doesn’t even remember what she did. It was a long time ago. But I definitely don’t want to be “friends” with her on Facebook.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want to be friends with any former bully on FB, either, but given that the OP did, I think she might as well go ahead and tell “her story.” I’d like to think that some of these people have grown up, and might be mature enough to listen, acknowledge, and ask forgiveness if warranted - though the OP has to acknowledge that they may not, and not hold any expectations that will be dashed.</p>
<p>I would not be friends with the bullies. I am not that forgiving. My work environment is quite like HS. I have defriended people who were mean to me , I know a husband and wife the husband was mean so I hide the pictures the wife posts because I cant stand him or his stupid face. Unfortunately she is a sweetheart and I cant understand why she married such a jerk. So you can see how forgiving I am hehe.
I would definately tell them how they made you feel. and then click off.</p>
<p>I am amazed at some of the “friendships” I see on FB, particularly when one party wouldn’t have given the other the time of day in high school. I sometimes wonder if having hundreds of FB friends reassures some of these folks that they are still popular… The most bizarre thing I’ve seen on FB happened just this past week. One of my HS classmates passed away last year and all of her “friends” lined up to wish her a happy birthday, “hoping it was a great one” and obviously totally oblivious to the fact that she was no longer on this earth.</p>
<p>The HS classmates have amnesia and no memory of the years of tormenting and bullying they subjected me and others to in elementary & middle school. I have no wish to spend any time with them and we do not run in the same circles, so I never see or hear from them except if I choose to attend an event such as a HS reunion. I really have nothing at all in common with most of those folks and can’t see why it’s worth the effort to mend fences. I am successful (personally, financially, professionally, educationally)–have no idea if any of them are and no interest at all.</p>
<p>HImom–that sums up my feelings perfectly!</p>
<p>What is interesting here is that so many of us still carry the scars that were inflicted on us by bullies so long ago.
I have a cousin that our family wasn’t very close to…she was an oddball girl. When all of the girls her age were wearing Levi’s and other popular clothing styles , her mother was still dressing her in Polly Flinders smocked dresses , ankle socks and Mary Janes…and she was in the 6th grade…
When I was in the first grade , I was aware of her constant taunting and when asked if I ws related to her , lied and said I wasn’t. This still bothers me today though I doubt she ever knew that I did that
I accepted her friend request when I first joined FB though my other sisters wouldn’t. I still feel sorry about denying being related to her…I wouldn’t bring it up to her though…something tells me her tormented days have been with her all her life</p>
<p>It is amazing how deep emotional scars can run, even though we think we’ve outgrown them. I am just grateful that the bullies were never in my classes in HS or beyond. It is so wrong for people to pick on others and perhaps that is one of the many reasons I raised our kids to be kind to ALL people and never gossip about people or say or do unkind things to them. </p>
<p>My sisters still are amazed at that and awful gossips. I don’t relate to them very well, though we can carry on a very superficial conversation and friendship. My older sister states periodically in amazement that my kids treat people like all people are really equal–don’t understand her continuous amazement about it and don’t know any other way to be.</p>
<p>I think being bullied can have profound effects on our personalities. If and when we are in positions of power, it is wonderful to have the opportunity to treat all people as valuable and having something to contribute. This has greatly helped me in my professional life, especially in forging partnerships and coalitions with people and organizations form different backgorunds.</p>
<p>Cyberbullying is very scary because it means the victims can have no respite as it continues past the schoolyard and can spread so widely so quickly. It really makes you wonder about some people–how can people be so cruel to one another and yet sleep at night and have no thought or memory of how they are harming others. I suppose they must rationalize to themselves or develop amnesia or somehow see it as “harmless fun.” I still am able to empathize with victims, having had to bear that role for many painful years while growing up.</p>
<p>I look back and although I am a nice person, there are things i wish I had done differently. Like the nice boyfriend who liked me and I liked the cad. or when i believed something about someone that I doubt now. I always had an issue with believing people too much, as I dont tend to lie, but in my older and wiser years, dont believe most of what I am told. I never actively did anything mean, but I wish I had stood up more. I was always kind of invisable or hurt, did nt like HS. I only go to the reunions because my H graduated with me although we werent friends in HS. My children are not mean at all and are very accepting kind people and I am proud of that.</p>
<p>educ8me, If I were in your shoes, I would either defriend the bullies or adjust your privacy settings so that you do not see their posts and they cannot send you messages. I vote for the defriending which I have done after regretting accepting a friend request and thinking back that this person was really a jerk and still is acting that way.</p>
<p>There was a kid at our high school who was a little off…and was bullied or at least ignored during high school because of it. He’s still a little off, but I was happy to see at the high school reunions that he’s treated just like one of the group. People do grow up…</p>
<p>My high school class has a pretty active Facebook group and because of FB had a very well attended 40th reunion last year.</p>
<p>I wonder about the woman you (OP) mentioned in post #5, who seemingly forgave everyone. We can’t know her motivation, but it might be more painful than inspiring - if she’s still seeking approval from bullies, for instance.
There are a lot of interesting and thoughtful comments here. I think if I were the OP I would try to delete the whole event from both my Facebook page and my consciousness. Not sure I’d have the willpower, but I think those things exert a moth-to-the-flame fascination and are better left behind. Reminds me of a quote from an old friend (not that I often agree with it), “Most of the people from my past are in the past for a reason”.</p>