<p>That’s interesting to me – a 40th elementary school reunion. That’s fairly unusual, isn’t it?</p>
<p>If I felt compelled to open a potential can of worms, I might write a note saying something about how we all have different perspectives, and as one of the unpopular kids, I struggled. It would be easy enough to describe feeling lonely, and unpopular without blaming anyone or going into what particular people did. </p>
<p>I wonder how or if any of them would react to putting something like that out there? If I wasn’t up to even that much, I think I would just do what the other posters suggest – put them all on settings where you don’t see their posts. It sounds like they are looking back through very rosy lenses – feeling nostalgic can do that – or maybe they are not super sensitive or thoughtful as adults – or maybe they don’t want to remember. </p>
<p>In my experience, some people simply cannot admit that they ever did anything hurtful to anyone, even if confronted, and they remember what they said or did. It sometimes get pinned on the injured party as being too sensitive, or unable to get over things. Then again, some people are genuinely remorseful. I guess you may choose not to find out which category these grown up people now fall into. You may feel that the wounds inflicted back then may be too painful to risk re-opening. If that is the case, then for sure, put those Facebook <em>friendships</em> back where they belong, on the very back back burner.</p>
<p>Yea, when I mentioned that I really felt nothing but relief upon hearing that one of the boys who hit and tormented me in grade school died, his friend was shocked. He said, “But you’re a girl! Boys don’t hit girls!” He doesn’t remember that he was right beside his buddy when his buddy hit me many times, repeatedly throughout grade school. Amnesia can be so convenient, combined with rose colored glasses. I just turned around & didn’t say another word to him. What would the point be?</p>
<p>I find it very inspiring. The point of forgiving others is so that you can progress forward with your life. One of the most inspiring articles I have read had to do with this very topic of forgiveness:</p>
<p>I think it depends upon you… do you want to try to settle things from an unhappy childhood time? For some, it sounds like a wonderfully freeing experience. But, if you’re not particularly looking for that, then I’d ignore those potential “friends.”</p>
<p>Ellemenope, I could have made that clearer. It’s not forgiveness that makes me uneasy, but the fact that this woman (the OP’s former schoolmate) has joined a Facebook group with, and expressed her intention to reunite with a group of people who “tormented” her in childhood. Why would she do this? To prove that she rose above them? To punish herself? To try again for their acceptance? To re-write history?</p>
<p>I have found peace within myself and really don’t feel I need to have any interactions with people who mistreated me to have that peace. I had bullies in grade school as well as intermediate school (different kids). In fact, they had a gang war over me in intermediate school (their words). Since then, I have been able to have a very successful and happy life. I have taught my kids resiliance and how to overcome adversity. </p>
<p>I do not need to revisit those people who tormented me and made my life miserable before high school miserable. I had nothing in common with them then and even less now. Why would I seek friendship or anything else with them? I have no idea if they are even capable of friendship, nor do I care. If our paths were to cross, I do not know how I would react and actually am surprised that our paths have not crossed, since I live in the same school district that I attended all those decades ago. I have all the friends and family I need.</p>
<p>Each person must make their own peace in their own way. I have made mine and have absolutely no regrets. My life has gotten better all the time, with childhood being among my toughest years and memories, bar none.</p>
<p>I appreciate all the stories, though sadly it reveals how commonplace bullying is and how sharply it is remembered. The woman who was most tormented endured it all the way through high school. I don’t want to reveal too many details, as you never know who is on CC. However it is not an exaggeration to say that the movie “Carrie” reminded me of her (without the pig blood). She ended up attending an Ivy League school and is now an extremely successful professional. She didn’t friend many people in the reunion group, but the name of the bully ringleader jumped out at me. Based on the information on his FB page he has devoted his life to various charitable causes and I suspect that he did apologize to her. </p>
<p>There definitely is a “moth to the flame” aspect of poring over all these FB profiles, but my curiosity just gets the best of me. One thing I have noticed is that the mean kids who seem to have suffered some hard knocks over the years through divorces, children with disabilities, joblessness etc. have matured into much nicer adults. </p>
<p>A call has gone out for us to post as many pictures as we can find from elementary and junior high school. I found my jr high yearbook, which nobody else seems to have saved. In looking through it I found that I had drawn devil horns on several of the meanest kids. I think if I scan that and upload it I may get my point across, but I guess that just makes me the bully.</p>
<p>One thing we were glad about as parents was that we were in a position to help our children develop defenses and not allow themselves to be victims of bullies. I still remember how shocked bullies were when our small, sweet D would deck them after they pushed, punched and hit her. They never touched her more than twice. All the parents applauded her when she hit the coaches son back after he had pushed her one time too many. When the coach asked her why, she said, “I am tired of your son hitting and pushing me EVERY practice and game. You never do anything, though he does it right in front of you and everyone. I’m not taking it any more!” The coach and his S had their mouths hanging open but the kid left her alone after that (tho the coach allowed her as little game time as possible – breaking the league rules).</p>
<p>Bullying is WAY too common from the very youngest ages all the way through school and adulthood in the workplace and society. I am proud that I have taught my kids to stand up for themselves and whenever they see things that aren’t right. I have seen my kids take the side of the underdog, at great risk to themselves and help right things. I wish I had champions like them when I was growing up but am glad I was able to nurture them to develop into people I love, respect and admire.</p>