Choosing a college, dealing with Anxiety/Depression issues, what do we look for & ask about?

Parent Cafe
1

My D has been struggling with Anxiety issues for a couple years, and now it’s getting close to time to make a decision on colleges. I know many others on CC are dealing with Anxiety and / or Depression, so might have or benefit from advice. (D hasn’t had the depression part, but I know these often go together, or create similar problems.)

When she was applying to colleges earlier this year, she was doing quite well, and the anxiety didn’t seem like it would have a major impact on the decision. But, continuing on the roller coaster, she’s been struggling again, and we recognize that she needs to be somewhere that can be somehow supportive of these issues and these ups and downs.

I am just not sure what to look for, or to ask the schools about. I see their policies on their websites, about counseling, and about absences (most seem to say absence policies are up to the professors).

A couple of the schools have individual counseling services, one doesn’t but refers students to local outside sources (there are many, very nearby), one does but it may be grad students. They all seem to have a psychiatrist. They all differ in some ways.

I’d love to get your advice and input on what to look for, what specifically to ask the schools, and any other advice those of you who have been through this might have about choosing the right place, and doing what we can to make it work for her.

2

Would you consider for her to live and home and commute? I think that’s the best course of action.

3

Or at least attend a college where it would be possible to commute if things go downhill.

4

Perhaps she can continue to see her current therapist on Skype?

5

I have a child who struggles(D) with anxiety and depression. We were (sortof) where you are a year ago.

First, you, your daughter and her professionals need to decide how far she can be away from home. Though my son was doing much better by middle of junior year, I was very concerned about the other shoe dropping. In working with his professionals, as a family, we came up with a radius of how far he could be from home. (I have one child 1000+ miles away so already knew the challenges with that.) We were fortunate because within that 4 hour car drive requirement were many good options.

Second, you can call the mental health services dept of the colleges you are considering. We did not do this as we knew that he could get services from a private provider in the community, if college based services weren’t available or adequate. Turns out that his college offers 10 counseling sessions a year (and yes with a grad student, though heavily supervised). They were flexible with him and allowed him to extend those services until he found someone in the community.

Third, meds. I don’t know if your daughter is on meds, but his psychiatrist offered (and we accepted) to keep him on as a patient and “see” him by phone. She writes his prescription and then we mail it for him to have filled at the on campus pharmacy. It was important to my husband and me that we keep this dr because she gets our son and is careful when he ask for changes. If I hadn’t known of his propensity to make things sound worse than they are, I might have encouraged him to use a local psychiatrist, but his really gets him and he likes her.

Another key factor for us was the ability to take a lighter load if necessary and stay on track, with summer school, to finish in a timely manner. The student disabilities office has been great (he has a documented learning disability as well as anxiety). He has taken 14 hours each semester so far, 4 “real” courses and two one hour elective. He made deans list first semester and is doing great again this semester.

Without knowing your daughter’s specifics, other factors to consider are housing (is a single room a better idea to allow for downtime, is group living likely to be an added stress, is she likely to simply stop going to class if she gets overwhelmed (this worried me in the beginning, because at the height of our son’s illness, school avoidance was a real problem) etc.

Does she have a 504 plan (or less likely an IEP) from her current school?

6

Second the option that she should be under an hour from home, so she can occasionally come home to decompress and ‘escape’ college. Does she have a local therapist? If so, Another reason to stay reasonably close. Perhaps she should take a car to school, although most schools frown on this for freshman, it might be good for her to have some control of her own transportation.

7

I’ve been in this situation with my daughter and let me tell you, four hours by car was way too far away. If we had it to do all over again, I’d make sure she was close enough that one of us could go get her for a weekend or a doctor’s appointment or whatever was needed. This was about ten years ago and she’s fine now, but having her closer when she was suffering would have made a huge difference for all of us.

8

D has one school on her list that is 2 hours away, so that would be doable for weekends home and that sort of thing, but it isn’t her first choice school. She feels like the only reason she’d be choosing it is fear that the other places wouldn’t work out. She has some great opportunities and we’d hate for her to miss out. Of course, I’d love for her to stay closer. Her therapist feels that she will probably do much better once out high school, but there is no way to know. I can imagine her thriving in college, but I can also imagine that she might have a hard time. Should she really limit herself because she might have a hard time? I really don’t know. The worry will be very difficult.

I’d really like to hear more about what to look for, or ask for once she is in college to give her the best possible opportunity to thrive.

We did learn that having a 504 established while in high school can help once she get to college, so we are working on that, but aren’t aware of what accommodations might even be available to request.
Someone also suggested getting tuition insurance, in case she would have to leave mid-term. It might be easier to transfer to the state school (the closer one) after taking some time off, if needed, than to transfer to one of the more selective ones she’s been accepted to, if things are going well.

9

My child is about 2 hours away. He hasn’t had to make any unplanned trips home. This school was his first choice, though of course we limited where he could apply.

I really wanted my kid to take a gap year. I thought he was burned out from high school, in part because of his anxiety, and was hoping that a year more maturity would help him manage stress better. Had he done this, and been successful, we likely would have let cast a wider net. He didn’t want a gap year and his psychiatrist reminded me often that “this” is just part of him and while it can be managed and he can get better, it isn’t likely to totally go away.

We did get tuition insurance, but he would have to be hospitalized for several days for any claim to even be possible. We worked really hard, when he was in crisis, to avoid hospitalization, so I am not sure what we would do if he were to go into crisis at school. Of course, because we aren’t there, it likely won’t be in our hands, unless we could get there fast enough.

The college environment is very different than k-12 in how accommodations are managed. Do you have a sense of what she needs? If she is functioning well in high school, it may be difficult to get a 504,

The disabilities office at my son’s school has been terrific, they took his extensive documentation and put together letters for his professors. He has to set meetings with each professor and deliver the letter to them and review how things will work for each class. A few weeks in, he felt the need to seek permission to record one of his classes and had to first get it written into his accommodations and then meet with that professor. So far, he hasn’t had any professor “fuss” about his accommodations. Is your daughter able to advocate for herself?

Do you think she needs a single room? You may be able to get letters from mental health professionals documenting this need. We waited too long to pursue My son has a roommate who hasn’t been around so it has worked out. Next year, he will have a single room as part of a larger suite.