S1 and S2 are in the lower grades of a lottery-based K-12 charter school which is rigorous but is also new and thus has no exmissions reputation (the oldest high school students are 9th graders).
S1, who has myriad mental health challenges, was lucky to get a spot and we (parents, teachers, principal) are working hard to help him stay with mainstream peers. He might not make it all the way to 12 or even middle school (in which case we would transfer him to a special needs program).
S2 had two really outstanding options that we turned down so that we would have both kids in the same school (logisticaly helpful for two working parents): a top private school and a top public school (gifted and talented) program.
I cannot imagine how much more challenging our life would be if there were two drop offs, two pick-ups, two holiday schedules, two systems to navigate. And yet… I do wonder if, this being NYC, we did S2 a real disservice but not enolling him in a more well-established (exmissions wise) school / school that picked him as a fit.
Do the kids who do well at a ‘local’ high school or lottery-based charter miss out on not going school with exam-based admissions?
I did public magnet for high school and H did private prep school and we figured our kids would do the same (one or the other). But then life writes its own script, doesn’t it? I also thought I’d get at least one D.
I understand that the NYC system for school selection (both ways) is CRAZY! I have two nephews living in Brooklyn - they are 11 and 14 now, so, 6th and 9th grade. Both are extremely smart - really - and one is musically gifted. My bro and his wife adored their neighborhood PS and so did the boys. It seemed to be a very good PS, but a PS none the less. Both seemed really, really prepared when it came time for middle school interviews, etc. (which apparently happens in NYC for most schools public or not???) So my own two cents is to save your $$ and school stress for middle school and just make sure they are challenged and exposed to lots of experiences (which I believe you already do OP) so that when it comes time for interviews and special school choices - public or private - that they are good candidates academic, socially (as best they can - I understand your concerns about your oldest boy) and just as importantly, emotionally.
Others will have better opinions than me I’m sure - especially if they are more familiar with NYC schools.
Thanks @abasket. H is a recently tenured professor and has been getting many nibbles from different universities who would like to poach him (and his grants). Practically every week I’m asked, what do you think about moving to: Stockholm, Denver, Camden NJ, Washington DC, Rotterdam (Rotterdam!)… For now we’re not going anywhere but everywhere else seems like a less crazy place to raise kids. Probably because it is.
I have two younger siblngs who followed my footsteps to a magnet high school with some overlap. It was really nice to have that in common before we left the nest.
Tough one. The NY exam schools are second to none. If S2 is very strong by 8th grade it may be worth the logistics-especially as he could navigate quite a bit on his own by then. I wouldn’t consider them though unless he was going to be near the top of the distribution. I’ve known very academically strong kids who weren’t at the top of styv or Bronx’s distribution and ended up not getting into the colleges they wanted, ending up at their state university and resenting it-usually transferring out as soon as they could.
@lostaccount S2 is too young to predict what will happen by high school or even middle school but… I would say he is one of the top 3-5 kids ( #1 in math owing to supplementary work we do at home) in his grade of ~100 kids. He also was selected (one of 13 kids in the grade) for the school’s soccer team. December kid too, so among the youngest. And he really enjoys being a top kid. He’s competitive and motivated. (Come to think of it, his young-for-grade age might be (more of) an issue if he attended a competitve public school (in private he would be a grade back owing to cut-off differences).
I sometime have a cry over the glaring differences between my 18-months-apart sons.
Bump. Classic debate of public vs private, big fish/small pond vs medium-sized fish/competiteive pond. Fit for kid vs fit for family. Over-thinking vs being ruthlessly strategic.
OP,
Are you talking about NYC?
If so, both of my grandkids just went to public schools. After middle schools, they took tests and both are attending test-ins. One is at Stuyvesant and another is at LaGuardia - this one requires an audition. I do not know any privates in NYC, except that I heard that they are very expensive, few time more than we have in Midwest, where my D. went to the most expensive private in our area and the tuition was very reasonable in comparison to NYC.
I do not believe that the discussion publics vs privates in NYC is the same and typical of such discussions for different locations. I believe that NYC presents different opportunities and absolutely different price tags which may lead to a totally different considerations. Please, disregard what I said, if the discussion is about schools outside of NYC school system.
Are you beating yourself up over the choices you’ve made, or are you considering switching S2 to a different school?
Because there are two different answers. If you’re just flagellating yourself for the choices you’ve made, stop it because it’s not helpful and you can’t change the past. Make peace with the situation and be happy for the kids-there’s no guarantee S2 would be substantially more advanced or happier right now if you’d gone that route. Nobody has a crystal ball.
And I say this as someone who used to beat herself up over every school choice and has made pages and pages of spreadsheets comparing schools, stats, etc, trying to find the “perfect” school for our daughters.
There is no perfect school!
Now, if you’re asking because you’re thinking of sending S2 to a different school and you’re wondering how much more challenging your life would be, then create a model of knowing the drop off times and pick ups and two systems. A lot of working parents do this with more than 2 kids and make it work. They also have a network of friends that can cover for them when they need a pickup and they’re stuck. If you’re not good at cultivating and nurturing a parent network, don’t assume this will be an option, though. Parents can spot the user parents a mile away.
So, I’d say either figure out how to make it work, test it out as closely to real life as you can and go for it, or make peace with what you have because life is too short to beat yourself up about stuff like this.
Well, if the husband is getting nibbles from DC, that could throw Fairfax County Public Schools (FCPS) into play…But it’s way too premature for that.
NYC schools are just another level of crazy, especially at the high school level. I tend to go with fit over logistics but I don’t live in NYC. Maybe if I lived there, I would pick logistics over fit. How is S2 doing in the charter school? It’s not about being at the top, it’s more is he engaged? Curious? Eager to go to school? For now, I would take it one year at a time. You may find it’s fine now but maybe you want to switch for 4th grade to another school. That gives you a couple of years to see how both kids are doing.
OP, do you lean more one way regarding staying in NYC or have a preference for one of the “nibble” places??? Or do you really foresee being in NYC for the next few years?
The kids attend one of the Success Academy charters. S2 has friends, is engaged but then again he is the kind of kid who would do well anywhere. We will try for Hunter at grade 7, and have him take the SHSAT and try fro Stuy, Bronx Sci, Brooklyn Tech. Success Academy is better than our zoned public (even better than the G&T). As for the top-tier privates (I’m thinking Collegiate, Trinty, Dalton), I’ve heard mixed things: incredible facilities, amazing clubs, ubiquitious priave tutoring, monster homework loads, an unhealthy focus on socioeconomics (eg everyone knows who donates at what level because the school mails out donation levels and names names). I do think the athletics would be much better in private and S2 loves (and is great at) sports.
I think we did the right thing but it is easy worry about your strategy in this town. It is a mini college rat race from K.
The kids attend one of the Success Academy charters. S2 has friends, is engaged but then again he is the kind of kid who would do well anywhere. We will try for Hunter at grade 7, and have him take the SHSAT and try fro Stuy, Bronx Sci, Brooklyn Tech. Success Academy is better than our zoned public (even better than the G&T). As for the top-tier privates (I’m thinking Collegiate, Trinty, Dalton), I’ve heard mixed things: incredible facilities, amazing clubs, ubiquitious private tutoring, monster homework loads, an unhealthy focus on socioeconomics (eg everyone knows who donates at what level because the school mails out donation levels and names names). I do think the athletics would be much better in private and S2 loves (and is great at) sports.
I think we did the right thing but it is easy worry about your strategy in this town. It is a mini college rat race from K.
I think you are waaaaay too focused on “what this all means for college” when you have two young boys at the ages that they are, and you have significant challenges with the one boy. Really, honestly, people get into college all the time even if they don’t go to Collegiate, Trinity, Dalton, insert elite high school of choice. You might wind up living in the suburbs. Who knows. I mean, the fact that you are asking for opinions on a college board instead of one designed to support parents of elementary school kids says that you’re too future-focused.
What decision do you think will make all of your lives better every single evening?
If you are all completely exhausted at 8 PM every single night, and the prospect of one glitch in the daily schedule gives you flop sweat, you might want to reconsider your family priorities.
Honestly, despite years and years of grooming, perfect grades in all the toughest classes available, relentless SAT prep, traveling hours every week (in some cases every day) for lessons/ participation with “The Best” of whatever niche musical instrument, sport, STEM interest is in vogue … And then applying to 15 of the “Best” (as rated by Name-That-Publication) colleges and universities in the country, along with our Public Flagship University as a “safety”, practically every kid I know who followed that trajectory through high school ended up happily at our state flagship (usually in the honors program), doing well in college, and going on to grad school and/or great jobs.
There’s a lot of wasted parental angst about things that, in the end, don’t make all that much difference.
I think when you have a child who has special needs like your one son, you need to focus on his here-and-now and what will be the best for him, instead of trying to angle and work it for college admissions. It’s not as though if you choose the “wrong” high school, your other kid won’t be able to go to college or anything. If you lived in the 'burbs, you’d pick your local public high school and move on with your life.
If S2 were being stifled and stymied at the current school, that would definitely be a reason to make a change now. In the NYC school rat race, I would be concerned if being at his school meant that he was essentially shut out of any MS that succeeds in getting kids into the exam-based schools. Although it would be nice to ignore this, I think that in NYC, unless you have both the money and the connections to ensure admission to a good private school, you have to be realistic about this stuff.
Thanks for the feedback. I’m very confident that he is getting a great education. I guess this is really a “feeder school” question. He is in a great school and it is K-12, but it is NEW. It has no reputation. S1 will be a member of the 8th, and S2 the 9th graduating classes.
The NYC public school system is very challenging and there are lots of pros vs cons plus the endless discussion of public vs private. The Success Academy Charter schools so far have a good reputation but this charter school network is the frequent subject for the press as they have a very demanding specific curriculum, a longer school day, frequent testing which is definitely needed by some children but can be very limiting and demanding for others. There has been a notable teacher turnover and one principal was just forced out because it became public that he had a list of students to “get rid of” so that the school’s test numbers would not be brought down. The founder of this network is a polarizing figure in NYC/NYS politics and there is the question of whether she has Governor Cuomo on her side as opposed to having Mayor De Blasio on her side.
I think that if your kids can master Success Academy and test well for the admissions when they are ready for high school, that would be outstanding. You can’t really beat yourself up… and the logistics issue is not insignificant either.
