<p>I suggest telling your child very early on in the process - like on the first day! - how much you can afford/are willing to pay per year, and discussing the various ways to fill in any gaps. The student can then go into the search knowing whether a particular school is financially possible (and if it isn't, leave it off the list). If parents will pay for any school regardless of cost, wonderful! This will simplify their student's process, and the kid will "only" have to do whatever it takes these days to get into the school of his/her dreams. Kids whose parents put a limit on what they can/will pay need to consider affordability as well as other factors in determining fit.</p>
<p>Our own kids have been very accepting when we've told them what we can afford (basically the cost of a good out-of-state public school). They've found several great options within that budget - one eventually chose an excellent OOS public, one a private university with a generous merit aid program. Neither has pined for the Ivy League or other schools that don't offer merit scholarships. (Though in New York, even the Ivy League is an affordable possibilty for in-state students who enroll in one of Cornell's statutory colleges.) If our financial picture improves for #3, she'll have more options, but I doubt she'll have carte blanche when she makes up her list.</p>
<p>I think the trouble, and heartbreak, occur when parents, either through ignorance or a head-in-the-sand refusal to accept the shocking realities of college funding, tell students they can apply wherever they want, then renege when the financial aid award arrives (or doesn't).</p>
<p>As others have said, not everyone can afford a Mercedes. Life is good for people who drive Hondas, too.</p>