So I’m in college and I went to a welcome week event for a christian group. They got my number and one of them keeps showing up to my dorm surprising me with small gifts, food, and snacks. II’m not even christian… i just went to the first meeting cause they had free food, but now that dude befriended my whole floor (cause he gets them stuff too). He never contacts my floormates via text though, but he still likes to talk to them. I don’t really have any interest in becoming a christian and I feel obligated to give back because he keeps getting me stuff. He even told me once “You always seem like you dont like getting gifts” and I straight up said “It makes me feel obligated”, but he keeps bringing me stuff… I got him a christmas card (kinda to pay him back… i gave him a gift card along with it), but I want him to stop coming over and asking me to come to sunday services. I’m not really sure how to tell him this in a nice way. He just messaged me asking for my home address so he can send me christmas cards. I’m really scared because my parents are strict Hindu’s and they might get mad that I’m attending Sunday services and looking at Christianity.
Lol, college Christian groups tend to love recruiting freshmen aggressively-nicely. I was a little weirded-out too, and I’m Christian…
I would just send him a polite text message, something along the lines of, “Hey, I really appreciate how welcoming you’ve been and your generosity, but you’re overdoing it just a little bit, and I’m not really interested in going to services with you right now. I promise I’ll let you know if I ever am. Have a merry Christmas!” Sprinkle some positive things throughout the message if it makes you feel better. Then stop replying to his texts, and decline his invitations to services and his gifts (and don’t feel obligated to get him gifts either, because now that he knows how you feel, it’s not being nice anymore; it’s just being annoying).
And don’t give him any more personal information, lol.
You asked for it, and got him a Christmas present in top of it. If you want him to leave you alone, you have to cut off communication.
@intparent Well I couldn’t NOT pay him off. He bought so much stuff that I kept feeling that I owed him. I think I’ll just text him and tell him I don’t think I want to attend services.
You can ask him to stop texting you, and even block his number, if necessary. But honestly, you need to tell him that you are from a Hindu family and are unlikely to join him at future events, you can even admit you were after free food and feel a bit guilty. He should really spend his time recruiting other people who are more interested.
You have to give these people the benefit of the doubt, I think they really do find joy in their faith and want to spread it around … which is fine if they don’t get too irksome to those who aren’t interested.
Also to assuage your guilt, the gifts are probably bought in bulk by the church, which likely has a missionary mission so to speak, they are all out recruiting people.
@PickOne1 He already knows I’m not interested. But these gifts… they are like food they make at home or when they go grocery shopping they pick em up. Also, they always get milk tea or other drinks… I’ve seen them spend their own money but idk if they get reimbursed or anything. Anyway, Ill text him.
Be forthright when you contact him - don’t beat around the bush or try to cushion your words. You can be polite and nice while still being frank. Otherwise he may be legitimately confused or he may act like he is so he can continue to pressure you.
“Joe, I really appreciate your concern, but I’m not interested in attending your Sunday services at all. Please stop asking me to do so. I’d also appreciate it if you stop bringing me gifts.”
I wouldn’t say that you’ll let him know if you’re ever interested because that may prompt him to think a door is open and to visit and ask.
And if he continues to show up and try to give you gifts, don’t accept them. “Joe, I can’t accept this gift from you.” And then refuse to take it. If he insists, remember that he’s the one making the exchange awkward, not you - in fact, you can point this out. “Joe, I’d like to be friends, but you are making this very awkward for both of us. I don’t want the gift.”
Learning how to assert yourself and say no is a very important life skill. Learn how to do it now, while the stakes are low.
If you don’t want to have a relationship with someone, don’t have a relationship with them.
That is, don’t get any more gifts. Stop feeling obligated. Don’t talk to them.
Gifts do come with a societal obligation, which is why he is trying this tactic.
“, I have thought about it and am not interested attending the church services. Please don’t stop by anymore.”
If he does, contact the organization and say that you have asked not to be contacted anymore but that guy still is.
It’s called grooming and it’s working on you. A gift here, a card there and pretty soon you feel indebted. You need to STOP communicating. STOP being friendly. Groomers rely on your politeness, your sense of guilt.
Wear a hijab next time he comes. That tends to do the trick.
There are these Christian guys on my campus who invite people to go to their church. I’m a Christian myself but I’m not much of a church-goer. The biggest problem is that I can’t interrupt them and say no because I feel like I’m committing a sin, lol.
My son had a BAD experience with a similar group on his campus a couple of years ago. I agree totally with @TytoAlba. They will get more insistent if you are not blunt. My son’s a Christian, by the way, so we’re not anti-Christian.
Yeah, the way I handle these people is by saying I’m an atheist and just keep walking. They never chase after me so it works! I don’t have the patience to deal with these kind of people, they always approach people on campus. I’ve lost count how many times they have approached me. We also have crazy protesters that come to our campus and yell at everyone about how we are all going to hell. Plus there is a separate anti abortion group that descends on our campus once a year. My professors and I usually just laugh at them and move on with our day.
We have the same thing here, but one of our protesters is the infamous Brother Dean.
@stugace Yeah that guy is the worst. I never really understood the concept of this approach. I mean I’m pretty sure the percentage of people who convert to Christianity because of these protesters is very slim.
At Wisconsin we used to have Brother Jed and his wife Sister Cindy but I see from his wiki page that he has relocated to the University of Missouri.
Ok so I told him I’m not interested in the group, but he has other “friends” on the floor – so he invites me to casual dinners and what not and still texts me asking if me if I want to go out for casual dinner. I don’t like to be overly aggressive/hostile, so I don’t want to reject a friendship with someone if he genuinely wants one. The problem is I can’t tell if he wants to just be friends or whether he wants to bring in Christianity later. What should I do? Should I tell him to stop texting me? I feel a bit guilty doing that if he isn’t trying to impose Christianity on me.
If you wouldn’t mind continuing the relationship, then you could try hanging out with him on a casual basis as long as you have made your intentions clear. However if you feel that he is still doing this as an attempt to recruit you, you could gently remind him that you don’t want to join the group and excuse yourself from further group activities
Are you interested in spending time with this person or just considering it because you feel guilty? If the answer is the latter, I’d stop all interaction with him . Notify him that you’ve tried to make it clear to him that you do not want any interaction with him, and that if he continues to contact you , you will get campus police involved. After you tell him that, do not engage with him. If he contacts you again, contact campus police. Also, I’d document all of the times he contacts you including gifts etcetera to have if you have to contact campus police . It may take contacting the police to get him to stop.