Ok then the “American” (if there is such a thing) way of thinking is that the in-laws might find out what you get S’ gf but it won’t be a big deal.
(I want to qualify this with “unless it’s a wildly inappropriate gift” but I fear raising angst about what that wildly inappropriate gift might be…)
I’ve seen some wildly inappropriate items, but they are usually bridal shower gag gifts, not potential inlaw gifts!
And mcat,
many of us correct typos after we post. And in fact many of us add another thought, just as you did.
romani,
I guess an example of “wildly inappropriate gift” is something that only young couple themselves would give to each other. LOL.
Nope, in that case it is very appropriate 
I heard of such a thing before: a gift that is “too expensive” could be not proper depending on the situation. Is it true?
Talking about exchanging gifts or sharing between a couple: A female coworker (not with our company now) once told me that sometime ago she was dating a guy. When she was considering buying a property (mostly using the money from her parents), her boyfriend suggested that both of them should own the property together even though he did not contribute any and they had not even engaged yet (they broke up soon after that.) She said this could be a sign that he is controlling and she thinks she has made a good decision in their breakup.
Sigh. You set your own personal budget and stay within it. Its your choice. Its not like you are planning to buy her a Maserati GranTurismo convertible. Now if you are, feel free to buy one as gift for me too.
To answer the original question: ask your sons what they believe their significant other would appreciate as a gift. I think price point is important–you dont want to spend too much and you dont want to come off as too cheap. It is a delicate balance. For example, while I like Longchamp totes, they arent cheap and I would hate to spend that much to find out that the young woman only carries a wallet or something similar. It doesnt hurt to ask. While I would love a spa gift certificate–a GC for just a massage session would turn me off. Not my thing. You dont know unless you ask. My Ds are in the 25-30 age range and they were into Vera Bradley long ago.
I’d talk to my kid before purchasing ANY gift for any of their friends and make sure my kid was OK with my plan. I’d ask for guidance on the amount to spend and general category of gift. Yes, buying something too expensive could definitely cause people to be uncomfortable.
How do you ask for guidance on how much to spend without it sounding like you are asking your son how much he spends on gifts for his gf? I would not feel comfortable asking that question.
I asked my D about purchasing a gift for her (then) new BF. She thought it was too soon. So I asked if I could bake him some muffins and give with a birthday card, and she thought that was okay. I had wanted to give a gift, but was content with our compromise. I learned, over time, that in BFs family the thought behind the gift was very important. My D was very helpful in pointing me towards his likes in movies/music/pop culture, and I would find a gift related to something I knew he liked.
Mcat, if I were to give my son’s girlfriend a gift, I couldn’t care less if her parent (she only has one) knows about the gift or what she thinks about the gift. I will do what I like when it comes to giving gifts, on my terms.
You have GOT to stop worrying about what your son’s girlfriend’s parents think. They are unimportant in terms of your own decision-making in life.
Suppose you gave the girl a gift and her parents didn’t like it. So what? Would the world stop revolving on its axis?
“I heard of such a thing before: a gift that is “too expensive” could be not proper depending on the situation.”
Are you in any danger of giving a gift that is “too expensive”? Based on your posts, I don’t think you are. You appear to live modestly and don’t have a large budget. So don’t worry about it.
@jym626 : I don’t think the question says anything about what the son spends on his significant other. I would say something like–“I’m thinking of getting X a Longchamp tote.” Lots of guys wont have a clue–so if that’s the case, I would add: “it’s a carryall bag that lots of women find useful and it is about $125–depending on the size, style, etc.” If he says he doesnt think she would use it or it sounds too expensive–then I would try to find out more about what the young woman would appreciate–is she a reader? Does she drink coffee? Does she do yoga? I used to think gift cards were impersonal, but if the GCs are for something the recipient enjoys, then I think the giver is making an effort to personalize the gift. I like to give gifts and tend to go overboard, thinking more is better–so guidance on price is helpful for me. I could be wrong, but I think that sort of input is helpful. Just like the example upthread whete the poster asked and found out that the boyfriend would prefer homemade food over other gifts.
I haven’t yet been in a position to give my son’s gf a gift – I might this holiday season, or I might if they are still an item at her graduation next year – but it’s quite likely I’d spend more on a gift for her than S would. But that’s simply because I’m at a different station in life, so to speak, than my first-job-out-of-college-living-frugally-son.
I feel my blood pressure rising. Sept and already beginning the back and forth process of gifts for my children and the SO.
Both my girls strongly dislike Bath and Body Works scents. my S’s GF doesn’t mind them. I don’t think any of them like Vera Bradley.
One problem my girls find with gift cards is that many times the gift cards aren’t enough to buy something outright and they end up spending money they wouldn’t have spent. For example $20 or $25 doesn’t cover much at Nordstrom or Anthropologie. My youngest -avid horse person and horse stuff is expensive. She would prefer cash or a giftcard to Smartpak but she usually gets a clothing store giftcard that she wants to sell to me for cash.
I like to think along the lines of something they use but is on the expensive side for them. Nice exercise socks, for my own girls underwear and sports bras. High end yoga or running pants.
If they have a pet, a toy or nice box of treats along with a giftcard to a pet store.
I would love and use a spa gift. The Gf of my S would as well. She is a girly girl and I know she would use it.
I think home baked goods for a kid’s GF/BF with a card is nice, but I would run it by my kid first. Neither if my kids are dating, so not a real issue for me.
If I plan to gift something to my kids’ friends, I do always mention it to my kids first, to be sure they’re OK with it. That works for us.
Whew! Thanks, one and all!
Truly, again, I am saying this as a 20s woman- I’d ADORE it if my MIL got me GCs. I have received presents from her for 5 years and never once gotten a “thing” that I really liked (and she doesn’t include gift receipts…). Finally, Mr. R asked her to please get me gift certificates to Amazon (or, if she wanted to personalize, Kindle). So, for my birthday, I got a kindle gift card and it was the best present EVER from her.
Once again, gift cards CAN be very personal and meaningful if it’s what the person wants. I’ve never understood the taboo against gift cards. For my wedding, the absolute best presents I got (that weren’t cash) were gift cards to my/his/our favorite restaurants, events, etc. How is it impersonal/not meaningful to go “Hey, I know you really love Noodles & Co (or wherever) so here is a gift card for there. Hope you enjoy!” With that said, I’d caution against getting a GC for a place where most everything is going to be more expensive than the gift card is worth, thus making the person spend money in order to use the gift card.
Despite my aversion to gift cards, if i were buying for a young lady who is really into jewelry, i might get her a Bauble Bar gift card. I guess that’s like a candy store for jewelry lovers.
One of my kids would love a gift card to Sephora, she loves make up and being all girly girl.