<p>I had lunch with some friends the other day and we got to discussing where and how often our adult children (all between 23-31) attended religious services. All of the kids live in different cities than they were raised or attended college, so finding a comfortable place to attend hasn’t been easy.</p>
<p>For my daughter, she will find a synagogue or Hillel to attend high holiday services no matter where she is. She travel internationally for work so isn’t always in her home city and has to look for a place to attend. If she is luck enough to know someone in the city, she usually gets an invite to attend with that person or family, but usually she is on her own.</p>
<p>One of my friends is Greek and her daughter hasn’t found a church with a good fit. She has tried the young adult group at one church, but they didn’t make her feel welcome so she never returned.</p>
<p>My son just doesn’t bother If he is home, he is more than happy to go to our synagogue with us, but won’t seek out a place on his own. It just isn’t important to him; that said, if he is in a city with family or friends, he will attend the holiday meal with them, but won’t miss school or work to attend services.</p>
<p>Other friends have talked about their children comparing the Rabbi, Priest, Pastor, etc… to the one they grew up with at home, saying they don’t like the ones in the new city; or the services are different and not to their liking. </p>
<p>Do you believe it is harder for singles to find a place of worship than a couple? While my husband and I grew up in two different synagogues in the same city, we chose a third synagogue when the kids where small, one closer to our house. As we would be driving them to Hebrew School three times a week, we wanted to stay in the neighborhood. It also avoided the disappointment of our families had we join the other family’s synagogue; we stayed neutral :)</p>
<p>My older daughter had moved away from church a bit during college because she worked on Sundays, but she is now coming back since she has a day job now. She feels very strange now being an actual adult now in the context of the church.</p>
<p>My younger daughter is considering converting to Catholicism, so I am very curious to see what she does.</p>
<p>It always seemed to me that a lot of young people came back to religion when kids became a consideration, but welcoming. Single adults should be a high priority.</p>
<p>I think it can be harder-the church I work at is full of people whose parents and grandparents helped start the place-average ages is about 75…yet the neighborhood is changing and young people are moving in, but the older people want everything to “be the way it was”. It’s been really hard for the younger people to make headway. I’m certain young people moving to a new town entirely would run into some of this. Fortunately for us, the young pastor, intern and assistant pastor are actively recruiting young people so more are coming, and staying. There was a time there we thought we might go under.</p>
<p>My older kids are not religious-neither am I for that matter. But my youngest is a church member at her aunt’s church, and is very involved in activities there. The presence of that denomination, or one similar to it at the college she attends is very important to her, as well as the opportunity to participate in the same activities. They trump academics for her at this point.</p>
<p>D1 sought out a church in DC when she was there for a semester internship. A little surprising, as she did not do so in college (attended once with a friend, I know, but not again, but she didn’t seem to have anything against the church – maybe too busy/logistics?). She said she tried a couple of different churches in our denomination before settling on one. Now she has graduated and is living/working in DC, she goes regularly. We went together when I visited her in the fall because she wanted to show it to me. There were a lot of young people (Unitarian church right in DC).</p>
<p>I think if they are serious about their religion, they will try to find a religious “home”. If not, they won’t. I am certain D2 will not be attending any services at college or when she moves on after that.</p>
<p>Do you find you own place of worship has enough draw for the young adult? Mine does not, but I believe that is due to where it is located as it is a suburban area where very few singles would live. My guess is cities like NY and DC might have programs that cater to the young adult.</p>
<p>Where I work does not, but it is improving, as I mentioned. It does well for young children, and as they grow up, and new neighbors continue to join, the leaders are building programs for them.</p>
<p>The church my D belongs to has many youth-based programs, actually, many programs for all ages. There’s a very different vibe there-the church isn’t struggling to find or keep members-they are already there.</p>
<p>You might guess from my screen name that I am on staff at a church. This is indeed an issue with which we struggle!</p>
<p>Our church was established 180-someting years ago, and there are members of the “founding” families still in attendance. There are also quite a few young couples with children joining and that is, I suppose, more of our “target” audience. We, frankly, do not have that many single young adults…but we do have some. They stay because they love the opportunities to serve and the fellowship. I don’t think they are looking for a dating service in their church…I don’t meant that to sound as negative as it does. But in reality, odds are they won’t find any future significant-others there…</p>
<p>My D also struggled with this…she had found a church she loved, but it seemed there were no single young adults her age, and she was having a hard time meeting people she would want to date through her work. And she is not a person to go to bars and such to meet people. She tried going to other big churches with singles programs but did not like that vibe either. She stayed in her beloved church, got even more involved and then met someone through an online dating service----and he now attends that church with her. :)</p>
<p>The good news is that the (Episcopal) church that our family has belongs to is fantastic! The clergy, the parishoners, the music, the sermons,we love all. It is a very welcoming church with programs for all ages, lots of community activity and outreach. I can not say enough about how kind the adults in our church have been to both of my kids.</p>
<p>The bad new is that my kids (and I) fear that they will never find another church which measures up to this one.</p>
<p>I know more about patterns in synagogue membership than patterns in church membership, but it is a well documented phenomenon that people who attend synagogues at all do tend to do so as children, then perhaps at Hillel in college, then not very much as young adults, then more so when they are raising children and looking for a religious school, and finally not so much when they are beyond religious school and empty-nesters. Membership committees of synagogue boards spend a lot of time and effort on luring in young people and empty nesters. As far as I know, they don’t make a lot of progress. (Personally, I am beyond religious school and active in my synagogue–I am no longer on the board, but I teach in the religious school and tutor students for bar and bat mitzvah–but I no longer have a lot of enthusiasm for Shabbat services.)</p>
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<p>I don’t think this phenomenon is unique to young people. Tired as I may be of my own synagogue, I almost never like another shul better on a first visit. We tend not to like what’s unfamiliar, and it’s hard to persevere through that period when the way they do things at a new house of worship is unfamiliar.</p>
<p>Churchmusic, I don’t think young singles are looking for a love interest at church or synagogue, although it would be a nice perk! What I believe my friends children would like to see is others there own age, not an aging congregation. I think for many it is easier to attend when you know others going and have someone to sit with. If the congregation offers activities for young adults, it would allow them to meet new people in a location that they are comfortable.</p>
<p>I know my own church doesn’t have a lot of young singles - I just don’t think there’s a “critical mass” (and no, this isn’t a Catholic pun - we’re Presbyterian!) of young people in our congregation. I think it’s a shame! We offer classes and activities explicitly for young singles; we have an outreach to our college students and young adults; but we’re fighting uphill against the whole boring-suburbia thing (and probably against the demographics of our community).</p>
<p>That being said, we have a lot of young marrieds-with-children (and more coming all the time.) When I was on the New Members committee I loved talking to the new members and the reasons they chose our church - and even the reasons they chose to come BACK to church. Most of them were newly married, new to the community, and/or were having children. It was surprsing how many had never been to church, even as children, but were seeeking a church community once they had children of their own.</p>
<p>My own D (out on her own now and living in a new city) is not seeking a church home, but she has mentioned several times that she looks forward to bringing up children “in the church.” I’m not sure what that really means, but I’m happy to hear it anyway…</p>
<p>My apologies for not saying what I was trying to say very well. I surely did not mean to imply that my D, or other young single adults, want to use their place of worship as a dating service. But the fact of the matter is (or certainly was for her) that it can be difficult to meet people that you will want to spend time with outside of work…people with whom you share common interests…if everyone at church is married, or if you really don’t share values with your co-workers. </p>
<p>Our particular church (the church where I am on staff) has a vibrant and thriving youth program (through HS—college-aged also welcomed, if they are around). Of course young single adults are welcomed to join in any number of ministry opportunities (and we have a few that do!), but as someone above said, there seems to be a “critical mass” where, when you get to that number, the attraction for other young adult singles builds on its own. We are most certainly not at that point.</p>
<p>From my narrow perspective as a music director, I have tried to create opportunities for involvement for young adults—interests that can hopefully be carried through the college years and beyond. The most recent one is a multi-generational a cappella group, open to HS through adult-aged singers. It’s gone pretty well, and it’s my hope that this will be one way for people to WANT to stay connected. We have also tried to have extra opportunities for summer involvement, for those young adults home from college. That has worked as well, to encourage involvement and spiritual growth as well as service over the summer…</p>
<p>Oh, I understood what you meant, I was the one that didn’t express myself well! For those young adults that don’t want to hang out at the evening happy hour and maybe live in a new city away from friends and family, having a church or synagogue to go to where others most likely have similar values, would be nice. At least it would be nice for the parents of this young adults that worry about them ;)</p>
<p>I almost fell out of bed when my D was a sophomore called on a Sunday morning to say she was coming home from church. I couldn’t help but wonder what was wrong with this picture - former elder, SS teacher was happily reading the newspaper in bed and college kid was talking about church. She found a Presbyterian church that she loved and got very involved in their mission trips and bible study group for undergrads. The church had an advantage - tons of same age students upon which to draw upon for membership.</p>
<p>One of the problems I see with our church is that when it makes attempts to attract young adults they assume that all young adults want praise worship music and a certain vibe. If a young adult has been raised with a more traditional form of worship, they sometimes recoil at the new music. At least that has been the case with my two D’s. What WOULD attract them is service. I know they would be more likely to participate if they felt they were doing something meaningful.</p>
<p>Ive found it is much easier to meet people when by myself rather than with friends.</p>
<p>If you are new to an area & looking to meet people, you may also find those with similar interests by finding a volunteer opportunity.
There is need in virtually every area of interest and ability.</p>
If he is home, he is more than happy to go to our synagogue with us, but won’t seek out a place on his own. It just isn’t important to him; that said, if he is in a city with family or friends, he will attend the holiday meal with them, but won’t miss school or work to attend services.</p>