Cinderella Parody Essay!

<p>anygood at all?</p>

<pre><code>I am not Cinderella, but once upon a time I thought I was. When I was two years old I was brought to America by my father from the Fiji Islands after the death of my mother. I came here to live a new life, although I was only two and was not accustomed to anything else anyway. So this would be the only life I would no. I was not given two evil stepsisters, just a spoiled little stepbrother and a snobby older stepsister. I looked up to them, I don’t exactly know why, and since I didn’t know any better I became the doormat of the family. They did whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted and I just kept to myself and spent most of my time reading Goosebumps. As the years went by I became a big fan sports fan and always wished I could watch TV to watch a game sometime, since I was always told to stay away from Tvs, videogames, and computers. Since I had nothing else to do, I stayed in my room and listened to the games on the radio and at night the books kept my company. As I grew older, I became very good at reading and so I became a good student, much to the jealousy of my siblings and stepmother. My dad told me to be humble and so I did, but the family could not help but notice, as they themselves were in reality, headed nowhere. They just couldn’t handle it when I brought home the report cards to show my dad, and one day I even had the audacity to boldly go where I had never gone before. I came home, very quietly, took out a honor roll bumper sticker from my backpack, and slapped it on the bumper of the family car like I owned it. Of course, there would be dire consequences for my criminal behavior. I didn’t know what to expect and so I stayed in my room. Big mistake. One day I looked up at the ceiling and saw that she had closed the AC vent in my room! I was like 4 ft tall so I couldn’t reach it. Boy did I regret my insolent then. I guess I needed to learn my lesson.
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<p>I told myself I would never do such a thing again, and dreamed that one day someone would come for me and take my far away. One day, my prince came. I was at school and wrote a story about mice going to Egypt. Three days later a man from Harvard came to my door looking for the writer, and my stepmother locked the door in my room with my closed vent! She wouldn’t tell them I was home. I couldn’t believe it. The man asked my siblings to write a piece to match the story, but their writing just wouldn’t fit. I opened the door, and he saw me. He asked me to write, and the writing fit! He told me that because my creative masterpiece had captured his heart and changed his outlook on the intelligence of rodents, he was going to take me to the Super Bowl! I was to have a ball. The day of the game, I felt like someone or something had helped me that day. Some magical force had helped that man see my story and find me.
I used to think I was Cinderella because I could not play videogames or watch TV. But now I know I’m not, because I always had my father, my dreams, and somewhere to go.</p>

<p>Huh. Well the idea is intriguing but there are a couple of issues I had:</p>

<p>1) Make paragraphs! God, that's a huge chunk of writing to digest all in one paragraph.</p>

<p>2) Cut out the passive voice. Instead of "I was brought to America," change it to "my father brought me to America" and so on.</p>

<p>3) Your grammar is a little off sometimes. "I looked up to them, I don't know why, and since I didn't know any better..." is run-on. Use dashes instead of commas there.</p>

<p>4) You tell a lot, and don't show enough. How was your stepbrother spoiled? Your stepsister snobby? You don't have to go in great detail- a crisp, concise image of the kinds of things they do will tell your reader EXACTLY what type of people they are.</p>

<p>5) "I became a good student" sounds a little showoffy. Try to send that message not quite so blatantly.</p>

<p>6) I wouldn't use the example of an honor roll sticker to show how mean they are. Use something better, like how you wanted to send in a writing submission somewhere, or how you wanted to participate in your school's Model UN Congress, or something more...dynamic.</p>

<p>7) It's "insolence" not "insolent."</p>

<p>7) The problem with Cinderella is she's too passive- her prince just kind of comes to her and "rescues" her. It would be really cool if you could show you weren't Cinderella because you were more take-charge. Instead of that incoherent, rambling random example you use about a mouse in Egypt and some Harvard guy coming to look for you, talk about a time you took a big risk and were finally recognized for it. THEN end with something like "I used to think I was Cinderella because I couldn't do anything I wanted to do. But now I know I'm not because I always had my father, my dreams, and my writing to work for."</p>