I am sure there will come a day when we are not so much a part of the journey. But, we are still very much in the boat right now. And, wouldn’t have it any other way. Was just wondering about other perspectives. Love all of this insight on CC.
My daughter, who is a junior, chose to go to an urban college near home, so I still get to chauffeur her to auditions when she needs it. She doesn’t tell me about all of them–so it’s a slow weaning off. Right now, she’s prepping for a second callback, and I’m as nervous as I was with her earliest auditions! I love to hear even the ugly vocal warm-ups at home and the audition pieces are a joy! I’ll miss it when it’s all over.
I think there’s not one way - and that’s fine. As long as a parent and kid are both comfortable with the way the relationship work (no one is crowding/ignoring etc) it’s no one’s business but theirs. I still talk to my mom virtually every day. She knows what I am teaching from week to week (although that may have to do with the fact that she taught what I teach for 20 years- we like talking about it) My husband can go for months without contact with his mom. Doesn’t make my way right or his way right- it just is.
Keep in mind that many of us parents of young adults are in frequent contact with our kids and are very close. This is not the same as knowing about their auditions. I think once they are professional, they tend to play down auditions as just part of their work and not a big deal. I know lots about my adult daughters’ lives, but the audition thing is the aspect that I am saying has changed from the HS/college years to the adult professional stage of the game.
Two days ago, for example, both of my adult daughters texted me within one minute of each other, each to tell me really great news that had just happened to each of them related to their careers.
I agree that all families and relationships are different. But I was commenting earlier about the changes from knowing every single little thing about my kids in the HS and college years and then not every single move they make as young professionals.
soozie- I totally get that you can be close and not talk about “work” (as auditions are part of their jobs) My husband couldn’t tell you what classes I teach (he would know they are AP - but has NO idea what that means) my mom could tell you that I am doing NeoConservatism this week. My husband knows that our kid is in a show at school and is enjoying herself. I know what scene they blocked yesterday. That does NOT mean he is uninvolved or unconcerned with our lives. I talk theater with my D b/c I am passionate about it - not just for her, but as an art form. We talk a lot about what she is doing, but about the wider world of theater too. In fact- most of our conversation yesterday came from me sending her snapshots of my “hamiltome” (which FINALLY arrived yesterday - after a week on backorder). I don’t expect our theater conversations to change after she graduates. And that puts me front and center with more of her “angst” as she goes through auditions and shows. Therefore- her angst becomes my angst- so still stressful
And to clarify- I am not saying that other parents aren’t interested in theater etc- it’s just been a such a feature of what D and I talk about- hers, mine, and the world’s.
Just as there was no way my HS-aged-flibberty-gibbet S could have managed planning/scheduling/executing his college apps/prescreens/auditions on his own (@ParachuteBoy is my idol!!), there was no way his college freshman/sophomore self could handle the logistics of summer stock applications/auditions on his own. I felt it was necessary to insert my “teacher-momness” into his initial forays into that realm as well (his college program does not “encourage” students to participate). As “teacher-mom” I “scaffolded” my involvement each year and while I was VERY interested in the outcome (like @artskids, H and I would AGAIN be involved in relocating him to wherever he was hired), my true aim was for S to have some “read-throughs” of the process and hopefully as a junior will no longer need my input - except for the involvement of parental credit card. I know every kid is different, but I found with all three of my boys, no matter their ages (currently 20 - 25), that merely talking them through something new and previously “unfamiliar” results in no “action” on their parts - almost like they’re frozen at the prospect of “doing it wrong”. On the other hand, if I “walk it” with them the first time, they are much more likely to pick up the reins themselves the next time. My hope is, that now that they are all in their twenties, their brain synapses will begin to connect in a logical fashion and they will be able to extrapolate “new” learning from “old” learning - and I can sit back in my lounger (if I had one) and wait to receive news of their creative successes. Until then, I MAY still remind S of audition application deadlines. . .
@mom4bwayboy I understand their brains are fully-formed by about age 25 so – you’re almost home 
Counting the years. . .
Mine is turning 21 today…so you’re saying that this is as good as it gets?
Oh no, my boy is just 18. SIGH…
@toowonderful The thing is we DO talk about work (daughters and I). MT D and I DO talk about theater a lot too. Almost every friend of hers is in this field too. I was simply saying as she got further away from graduating college, the sharing of auditions stopped.
My D shares every week about projects she is involved in. I know a lot of her stuff. She also still runs some significant decisions by me kinda like a sounding board or just an opportunity to think about it out loud, in addition to that she is also likely running this decisions by her fiancé and best friends (all in the field as well). Recent examples was what to do about two major opportunities that conflicted schedule-wise and which she would take. Another was whether to have a record album label promote her new album or hire a marketing person herself. Another was being cast in a show which has an opening night that conflicts with a major personal event. She also consults me about various personal issues from time to time. She and her fiancé and doing all of their own wedding planning and arrangements but she still shares and tells me about them. I did go to NYC to accompany her and her best friends to look for her bridal gown. 
My main point was that knowing about every audition likely will shift for many of your kids as they are further along in their careers. It seems to be that way with my D’s cohort too. They still share lots about their careers and lives.
I suppose that in the end, I have no idea what my child will and will not want to share with me about as time goes on. Perhaps ignorance will become bliss. But for NOW, halfway through her college experience- I still have a fairly full range of knowledge, and what hurts her hurts me.
Congrats on the wedding @soozievt !!!
@toowonderful That’s just it. There is no way for you to predict what it is that I am sharing about. I could not have when my kids were in college either. I’m just saying that there is a transition to professional life and adulthood for them. And for many professional actors, at least according to my D, they don’t share about auditions anymore with their parents because they play them down. It just is not like in HS or college on that front. My kids share a LOT with me about other stuff, including their work.
You wrote "what hurts her hurts me, "…let me tell you that THAT doesn’t end.
@mtmamma2020 Thank you for your nice wishes. Actually, both of my daughters are getting married this year, just three months apart from one another!!!
My daughter is not a “Gilmore Girl” kind of gal like many of you may have been lucky enough to have birthed. But I do think people here enjoy a more intimate relationship and can expect that to continue post graduation and it is not appropriate for any of us to suggest otherwise. My daughter was no Rory and god knows I am no Lorelia.
So when some of us say, “you will never know”… we are mostly talking about our own transition from knowing what they are doing to not knowing. In my case anyway, my daughter never was the Rory to my Lorelai (and yes… I did have to google both of those names as I don’t really know the show.) To be honest, I had many moments over the last 4 years that caused me to worry about things I’d rather not have known about that she shared in detail and I… as the parent that lived 3,000 miles away could not solve and maybe would rather not know about. But I was on the speed dial and if not me, who?
So in summary, compared to some of those calls all I can say is this: college casting / shmasting (yes I just invented a word). If you are lucky casting will be the messy thing that always will be the subject of the late night, talk them off the ledge call. Consider yourself lucky if that is the case because casting, especially college casting… is truly not the thing to worry about nor focus on. It might feel like it in the moment but really… in the greater scheme of things it just doesn’t matter.
@halflokum
Well I am out of the loop for half of what my kiddo is doing and she is just now a graduating senior:) She is number 3 for us so we may be a bit removed and I am one of a 6 kids so my views of parent involvement are skewed:) I hope my kids check in to say they are alive and kicking on a regular basis and that is about all I expect.
Need to edit to say a graduating HS senior.
Yep, it would be nice to occasionally hear my kid’s voice or read text typed by his own capable, if distracted, self so I don’t have to imagine pools of blood or bones sticking out - or have weird “my-kid-is-drowning” dreams like the one I woke up from this morning. His voice DID sound a little tired and stressed last night. . .
Sometimes I wish I didnt know because the heartache is so tough! Last night my older D, a pro dancer, called hysterically crying. She usually does not take the “no.s” personally,knowing they are not looking for her type, her look etc… but after two BIG auditions came back as no’s and one of them after a long drawn out cycle of callbacks, it hurt. Being across the country getting that heartbreaking call after sharing in all the joys of the callbacks was just as crushing for us. My husband was crying right along with her. It was a tough night of hearing am I doing the right thing? Why did I not book? Am I on the right path? So much questioning. We reminded her that when her faith is weak, ours is strong and we have no doubt she is on the right path.To remember the yeses that have come, when the no’s come.
I was thinking oh my gosh I have another headed to college who will go through these same scenarios…not sure mama and papa can take it!
Shifting topics somewhat, but one thing I will miss when my D starts college (still don’t know where, maybe getting closer) is being immersed in the rehearsal process for her shows, especially helping to “run lines,” hearing her sing her solo numbers in the shower at night, and getting to witness “this cool new dance sequence we learned today” as I am getting dinner ready. By performance time, I feel that I know the whole show and love the experience of seeing it all come together with the other drama kids, who I also have been watching in various roles over the years.