Class of 2031...HELP!!

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I’m a mom of a frequent poster on this site, and since I’ve seen how much you’ve helped her, I decided to come here for my own advice.</p>

<p>First, a little background: I’m a 47-year-old writer with four daughters: a 22-year-old who just graduated, a 20-year-old college sophomore, an 18-year-old I’m shipping off to college this fall, and a 29-year-old stepdaughter I raised since she was 3 who’s pregnant with her first. My husband and I love our kids to death, but we booked our Hawaiian vacation (in October! Who cares about school!?) months ago, and are preparing to put our house on the market so we can downsize to our dream apartment. My 56-year-old husband is retiring next year. We’ve fantasized about our empty nest since our oldest went to off to school 11 years ago. </p>

<p>Last Wednesday, I learned I’m pregnant. We definitely weren’t trying to conceive, and I’m still not sure what went wrong. I’ve been raising kids for 26 years, and can’t imagine doing it for another 18. I already feel guilty for our child-to-be for having grandparents for parents. My husband will be 75 when this child graduated High School! My girls are having a really hard time with it, too. They never once imagined they’d have another sibling.</p>

<p>Has anyone been in a similar situation? Has anyone been an older parent, too? How did it work out? Any advice?</p>

<p>I know this is sort of a random post, but I haven’t told any friends or extended family yet, so I needed some outlet. Thank you.</p>

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<p>Congratulations is the only thing I could think of to say - no matter how many times I read this. Not only for the new life to come, but for all of your wonderful accomplishments in life so far.</p>

3

<p>Love that screen name.</p>

<p>I have not been in your situation, but I can imagine the rush of mixed emotions you are feeling right now.</p>

<p>I actually have 2 friends who had a similar surprise pregnancy, when their youngest kids were 16 and 15. All I can say is that both sets of parents are thoroughly enjoying their new gift, they seem rejuvenated and so very youthful when I see them.</p>

4

<p>I have a college friend who married a lady with 3 kids. When the oldest married at 21 and had a kid within the year, they had one also. (On purpose, much medical intervention required) Repeat 2 years later. They live in a small town. He says he wasn’t sure if he was the oldest kindergarten dad but was pretty sure he was the only one with a daughter and a grandson in the same class! They are doing well and all 5 seem to be thriving.
I don’t mean to minimize your concerns, but there are others who have done this and been happy. My mother and my grandmother were pregnant at the same time 50 years ago. It was always fun to have an aunt my own age.
Congratulations! We look forward to updates!
ps - love the screen name!</p>

5

<p>My mother had nieces and nephews older than she was! It’s still rather odd for me to realize her eldest siblings were married with children of their own when she was born.</p>

<p>I know a couple where the Dad was collecting Social Security payments when their only son was in high school. Believe it or not the son also received payments from Social Security until he turned 18! You might want to look into this option.</p>

<p>This couple was always the oldest of all the parents and confided to us that sometimes they felt they were parenting some of the other parents! They had given up having kids and the pregnancy was a complete, but welcome surprise.</p>

<p>Congratulations and the best of luck to you. Take care!</p>

6

<p>Well. Some factual questions, first.</p>

<p>Are you planning to continue the pregnancy? (Sorry, but even though you’ve already figured out when this baby will graduate, I’m not sure from your post what your plans are.)</p>

<p>If you do plan to continue, would you have an amniocentesis or CVS to determine if there are any chromosomal problems? </p>

<p>Assuming you do plan to continue the pregnancy – well then, Congratulations!! Older parents make the best parents. You just need some time to get your head around the idea.</p>

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<p>FF, congratulations! Don’t worry about the age thing–75 is the new 55.</p>

8

<p>Femme, I am sure you will be seeing your dr. soon. I would ask him about miscarriage risk also. The March of Dimes website says this:

</p>

<p>I have had several friends get pregnant in their mid-forties, but sadly, only one carried her baby to term. On the bright side, that woman was 47, her baby is just fine, and he is a delight to their whole family.</p>

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<p>We already know you have a sense of humor which is going to be helpful (your thread title about class of 2031 got me to open this thinking how early are these people starting on college planning!!!). And yes, Ellmenope has it for ya…about 75 is the new 55! There you go. :D</p>

<p>Seriously…first I want to congratulate you. The baby will be a blessing in your life, you’ll see. Life takes twists and turns that we can’t plan for but t his could turn into a very happy twist. But I can see how it is a shock at the moment and puts a big kink in the plans you thought were ahead. The plans will shift and so will your thinking and lots of happy times are ahead. </p>

<p>I don’t have much experience to share. The only thing I can share is that my mother in law had a surprise baby at age 40 which today is very common but back then it wasn’t as common and my husband is 14 years older than his little sister. When we got married, I was 20 and my husband was 22 and his little sister was 9 and a flower girl in our wedding. Your spread will be 18 years and you are older than my mother in law was when she gave birth. Still, the situation was a bit similar and the child was mostly raised as an only child at home and the parents were way older than the other parents at school, etc. This child who is now 40, was almost like a grandchild to them and was very doted over and it was different than raising their two sons at a more typical parent age. They sure seemed happy raising her though. </p>

<p>I know you will need to adjust to all of this but maybe in the meantime, gather the family and all watch Father of the Bride 2 (or whatever the name of the sequel to Father of the Bride was called) with Steve Martin and Diane Keaton. Their daughter is married and pregnant and then Diane Keaton unexpectedly becomes pregnant at the same time (like you and your step daughter!) and it is a very enjoyable (and at times, poignant) movie…some laughs, some tears. Just right for your family right now. </p>

<p>Wishing you the best. While some of life’s twists and turns are negative, yours truly can be a very positive and happy twist once you adjust to this twist.</p>

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<p>My D is friends with an 18 year old boy who has a 10 month old brother. She thinks it’s the coolest thing ever, and the teenage brother dotes on the baby brother. </p>

<p>Congratulations!</p>

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<p>My grandma born in 1880 had a surprise baby at age 45 after two others. Mind you that was in the 1920s. That surprise baby is my auntie who is now 83 and going strong with tennis, a new job, and several boyfriends! My grandma lived into her mid-90s.</p>

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<p>I know a woman who had two teenagers, went through the change of life and stopped having periods … and was pregnant with triplets. So, count your blessings. And stop at one!!</p>

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<p>My dad remarried and his son was born a year AFTER my oldest. My kids and my brother have grown up together and we all enjoy introducing him as “uncle”. In fact, he and my oldest were roommates in college! Everyone in their dorm called him “uncle”.
There is a plan here and many blessings lie ahead! All the best to you!!</p>

14

<p>My brother is soon to be 52. He has 4 children by his first wife, oldest is 21 (will be a senior at Tufts). He married his second wife in May 2007, and they had a baby 3 months ago. So he has 5 children ages 3 mos- 21 years. Yes, it’s a lot of child rearing, and admittedly his new wife is pretty young. But that’s the way it is. Congratulations! Your older children will get used to it, and perhaps they will be able to help out. This baby will have a lot of grownups to love him/her!</p>

15

<p>One of my son’s best friends had older parents (for the dad, it was second marriage, second set of kids). They are some of the smartest, most informed and dedicated parents I know. Their (second set of) kids are incredibly accomplished and kind.</p>

<p>I’d take educated, experienced, mature and caring (albeit tired) parents over the converse, any time.</p>

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<p>just look at donald trump!</p>

<p>the same thing happened to my next door neighbor; she’s 32, he’s 60. they had two kids already. one was 8 and the other was 11. and now they have a 5 month old also! he’ll be 78 when she graduated high school! she was unexpected but now they couldn’t imagince life without her</p>

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<p>My parents had an oops, me. All my sibs are 10-15 years older. As adults we realise I had entirely different parents than they did, but in a good way; my parents were very mellow and easy going, and involved in my activities. I have remained the closest to them which makes sense with all those years as an only-youngest child we formed a close relationship.</p>

<p>I do think it was hard and tiring, but it was worth it would be my mother’s response to your question.</p>

<p>Yes, I can relate to the empty nest thing and all your plans, now changing, but once you get your head around the new future, you can at least be pleased you have so much experience to draw upon :D</p>

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<p>Congratulations to you!</p>

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<p>Although you had already gotten yourself into the happy empty-nester mindset, I believe that it will not take long to reembrace the oldie but goodie role of Mommy (as opposed to Mom, which you had become). Think of all the positives. You get to sit in a semi circle again with another bundle of love on your lap and sing “The Noble Dukes of York” and “Itsy Bitsy Spider”. You get to go to the new generation of Disney Movies and watch PBS TV for kids again. You get to look at the world again through the eyes of someone who is seeing its beauty for the first time. All this and more. This will keep you young. It will force you to stay on top of the changes that occur daily with new technologies and the shifting paradigms of our increasingly global economy. You have the added benefit of years of practice and self confidence. This will be a good thing. Congratulations.</p>

20

<p>Many, many congratulations!!!</p>

<p>I have many friends who’ve had babies in their 40s (including myself!) and I think you will love being an older parent. In fact, we joke about how old all our friends (our age) who stopped at two children twenty years ago seem!</p>

<p>The beauties of late babies: </p>

<p>You know what a precious thing you’ve got and you know how short those years are.</p>

<p>It keeps you young - you’ll love what it does to your skin - especially if you nurse, too.</p>

<p>You aren’t intimidated by going places with the baby. When you have older children, you just do it! We’ve hiked in the Sierras, explored in China, sat in Board of Director meetings, visited the Legislature and more… all with a babe in a sling :-)</p>

<p>You don’t worry about every little thing, or everyone else’s advice. You do what you believe is best and ignore the rest - it’s lots more fun and low stress.</p>

<p>Your older children may be embarrassed at first, but they will absolutely fall in love with the new little one. I mean head over heels in love! They will get to see new parenthood and baby-life up close and they will approach it when it’s their turn with more joy and more confidence.</p>

<p>The doctors will listen to you instead of talk at you since you’ll be older than many of them (I love this!).</p>

<p>You know all those things you wish you’d known then? Now’s your chance to do it right :-)</p>

<p>You will develop a wonderful mentoring relationship with the parents of your new babe’s friends. What an opportunity to share all those things you’ve learned.</p>

<p>Holidays will have so much more joy - for everyone - you, siblings, grandparents, everybody. Nothing like a child to make holidays more fun.</p>

<p>You’ll have so much more to share with this child. My younger children have an older mother, but they also have a much wiser and more mature mother. And a mother who has a better idea of what’s important and what’s not.</p>

<p>Embrace your new role in life! Realize it’s not going to be like it was last time, of course, but in many ways, it’s going to be a lot better.</p>

<p>And… I’m going to be joining you! We just found out we are expecting again, too!</p>

<p>Huguenot Mom</p>