First time user so apologies in advance if this is the incorrect location. Recently, my son was offered a internship in NYC which he was ecstatic to take. In terms of searching for house, he found one location particularly well and at a great price point, but he would be sharing the apartment with a female. He would have his own private bedroom, but he would be sharing the apartment with a female.
What are your thoughts on this? Part of me wants to say that he cannot do this and to find an apartment with a male roommate, but I’m interested in hearing what other parents would do in situations. Call me old fashioned, but I didn’t move in with a male until I was married. Thoughts? Should I let him?
If he’s in college, he’s old enough to make his own decisions on where to live, within a budget. Having a female roommate, with separate bedrooms, doesn’t mean they’ll be having sex if that’s what you’re assuming.
MANY kids share houses with multiple people of different genders. No one would even blink about him sharing an apartment with a young woman. Very honestly…no one cares. My daughter routinely had male friends sleeping on her couch. Not boyfriends Just guy friends she played games with, or studied late with…who missed the last bus home. It’s really no big deal to have different gendered friends, or have people of different genders sleeping over.
That whole “Should I let him” thing…is a thing of the past. He needs to make his own decisions now. Regardless of what he decides, he’ll be fine.
If you found an affordable housing arrangement in NYC I would jump on it ASAP. The gender of the roommate should not really be a consideration. What would be different if he had a male roommate but a girl sleeping over all the time? You won’t be able to control any of it. As a mom, I understand. Letting them grow up is hard. He’ll be fine and its a great opportunity. Good luck.
At many colleges, housing is coed, so men and women live on the same floor. He’s probably already accustomed to this arrangement. Affordable housing in NYC? Seize it!
This is the new reality not only for students, but young adults wanting/needing roommates as well.
I also had only female roommates before getting married, I do understand your question. My kids are young adults, out of college and into careers. My thoughts on the whole matter have evolved a lot over the last 10 years. Now, I would be primarily concerned with that a roommate is responsible in paying rent and utilities and in being a respectful apartment/housemate.
Sharing an apartment for a few months with a perfect stranger will not lead to involvement. He did his research and seems to have been lucky to find the place. Hopefully he has taken the deal. The female involved has taken the bigger risk and decided your son is not a threat to her. If they develop a friendship- great. But likely just two people sharing the kitchen/bathroom and being polite to one another while busy with their own lives.
Many, many students share off-campus housing or summer housing with people of the opposite sex. Young working people do, too. Nobody thinks twice about it.
My daughter shared an apartment with another girl and a guy for her last two years of college. A group of their friends occupied a house together – four guys and one girl. Both situations were totally normal.
Back in the 80’s when I was in college I lived in a co-ed house with shared bathrooms – it was no problem and my mom was fine with it. There is a big difference between living with a boyfriend/girlfriend and sharing a bedroom and a roommate situation where everyone has a private bedroom.
He is fortunate to have found affordable housing in NYC on short notice.
I had the use of our family’s NYC apartment from college through my 20s. As it had 3 bedrooms I always had roommates and at least half the time they were male. Not an issue.
Both of my kids shared apartments with non-romantic opposite-sex friends for one or two years in college, and for any number of years post-college. My daughter had four unique apartment-mates during college, two of whom were male (and one of them remains a close friend a decade later), then had a guy share her apartment for about a year and a half post-college after her original apartment-mate left to go to grad school. My son also had two male and two female apartment-mates during college, and post-college – until this coming weekend – he has continuously had at least one non-romantic female apartment-mate. It’s fine…
My daughter had the same issue this summer. She went out of state for an internship, and the only housing she could find was with a male roommate (in a 2 bedroom apartment, so separate bedrooms of course). She was able to look him up online and see that he is an honors student her same age who studies science like she does, so she decided to try it out. As someone above mentioned, it is the female in the equation who is taking the bigger risk. My daughter just moved in with this person on Sunday, but she says he is nice. I am hoping it all goes well.
I’m honestly not sure what the hesitation is? I’m assuming S is in college, correct? So over 18? If he’s already been away at college I’m not sure what you’re concerned about. Sorry to be blunt, but if it’s sex, he’s already had plenty of opportunity at University. Housing is housing. If it’s cheap and the roommate seems decent, I say go for it.
My D had two male roommates last summer when she had an internship in LA. They were PHD math students at UCLA and were not there much at all. D had her own bedroom and bathroom as well as a covered parking space in LA so it was great for her.