<p>I suspect I responded before. My D went to one of these every year for New Year’s Eve. They were all friends from an EC. They also drank a punch made from OJ and champagne at midnight–except for one girl whose parents refused consent. Parents and kids honored that request–she drank pure orange juice and nobody teased her. (I wasn’t too worried about the effects of two bottles of champagne shared by about 20 kids.) </p>
<p>I am a strict parent, but I felt safer having my kid stay overnight at the home of a good friend with other kids and parents I trust than I did having her come home at 1 or 2 in the morning of New Year’s Day in Manhattan. The alternative was for me to go to meet her and come home with her–which didn’t seem all that attractive either. The kids all slept in one big room. There were some couples and I know at least one of these was sexually active…but I can’t imagine any of them having sex with a bunch of on-lookers. They weren’t exhibitionists.</p>
<p>Yes, I could have said no–but having my kid stay at home on New Year’s just to make some point didn’t seem fair to me either. </p>
<p>My kid traveled a lot on weekends for an EC which was co-ed and these were the same kids involved in the sleepover. While the girls and boys stayed separately, as a practical matter, there was no way anyone could have stopped them from meeting up after curfew. Moreover, there were some gay kids and it wasn’t as if anyone was going around making sure no two gays ended up in the same room (with at least two other kids). I doubt any of these kids would have dreamed of having sex with an audience.</p>
<p>(Looking over that old thread reminded me that the teenagers in it were pretty clear that we were deluded for thinking as jonri – and I – did: that none of these kids would have dreamed of having sex with an audience. Ah well. As to my particular kids and their particular friends, I still believe it, and I don’t want to know if I was wrong.)</p>
<p>Uggggghhhhhhh. Coed Sleep-Overs, the bane of my existence. I fought them every year S1 was in high school (theater clique here as well), often picking him up late into the night from parties; lots of battles. Absolutely would never host one. Finally gave in late in senior year and let him attend through that last summer. Also thought this was a good bunch of kids, only years later finding out about the drinking and smoking that went on.</p>
<p>FallGirl and I are in the same I WOULD NEVER boat. But when my DS asked if he could stay over a neighbor’s house (yes, a girl) with 2 other friends (boys) I gave the only answer a good mother would give…I’ll have to talk to your father about this. I thought for sure DH would say “no way!” but his response was…“Well, it’s only **** (insert girl’s name here) and you know they are all just friends”. Well, there went my out! I consented but was very pleased when plans changed at the last minute due to the girl having an early morning practice. The fact that the boys would rather sleep late conforted me greatly :)</p>
<p>Are co-ed sleepovers common here? After prom, yes. It is the norm.</p>
<p>Otherwise no. </p>
<p>I MIGHT allow one depending on who the kids were and the reason for it (it they were doing some sort of project or something). Just to have one for the fun of it? No.</p>
<p>I still believe it, JHS, even now. Among other things, almost all the kids stayed up all night long and so did the mom-- in the same room. </p>
<p>Still, even if things went on that I didn’t know about, in retrospect it was still a lot safer than telling my D to go down to the street and wait for a cab at 1 or 2 in the morning on New Year’s Day in Manhattan. And, a lot of the kids came from much further away. The trains back to suburbia are a zoo then…</p>
<p>Still, I’ll admit that I might have felt differently if I thought my kid was romantically interested in any of the other guests. I knew full well that wasn’t the case.</p>
<p>One of the highlights of S1’s high school years was an EC trip that went dreadfully wrong and ended up with 4 boys in one motel room and 5 girls in the adjoining room. Advisor’s room was a tiny closet one floor up. The bathrooms in both rooms were less then perfect, the boys shower didn’t work, and the girls sink had no water, so they shared the working parts of both bathrooms. They all swear there was blood on the wall of the one room and bars on the windows, in the middle of the night the ceiling fan in the girls room came crashing down in between the beds so everyone just slept where they could find space. No hanky panky, they were all too busy trying figure out what would happen next. The next morning the advisor made them all swear they wouldn’t tell anyone at the school what happened, but they all still say it was some of the most fun they had in high school.</p>
<p>Oh, this ended up this way because they were caught in a major snowstorm coming home late at night and the state patrol funneled them into this motel – it was all that was available in a very tiny town.</p>
<p>roshke, adults thinking that teenagers would do ridiculous, unthinkable things isn’t really news – it’s kind of dog-bites-man, same-old-same-old. Teenagers confirming out of first-hand experience that teenagers would do ridiculous, unthinkable things – that has an impact on me. But I certainly didn’t mean to suggest that my trusting nature was universal. I was in the minority then, and I still am.</p>
<p>JHS, Oh, I was just kidding around! Sometimes that doesn’t translate so well on line. </p>
<p>My main point from back then is that for me it was always less about the issue of trusting my own kids or their friends (I did ) as it was of 1)liability - hosting 2) not trusting the influence of peer pressure and/or the capacity and willingness of other parents to supervise adequately. It’s not that I don’t think that these things can’t be done. As I said then, I helped supervise a co-ed camping trip for 15 yos. We had security patrolling as well as counselors who took shifts all night and still some kids who tried to sneak out each night. </p>
<p>I really don’t doubt that many of the parents here know their kids and their friends well enough to be comfortable in certain situations. I was just never crazy about the idea.</p>
<p>I’m glad somebody brought up this topic. Now I can add “Coed Sleepovers” to my list of worst ideas I’ve ever heard of, along with meatloaf-flavored ice cream and “Law and Order: Handicapped Parking Violators.”</p>
<p>My kiddo is on his way to one tonight. End of the year tradition for a sectional in band. Has been happening at least since my oldest began high school 10 years ago, probably longer. Bandos never mess with tradition.</p>
I disagree.
When my kids were in high school they were very busy. Between school, early am jazz band, sports after school, club activities, part time jobs they had a hard time finding time to just hang out with their friends.
A few times a year they would all get together and watch movies, socialize and play guitar hero and then go to breakfast. I think in 10 years they will have some very fond memories.</p>
<p>^Co-ed sleepovers have different meanings to people and there are different types of co-ed sleepovers.</p>
<p>When I first heard of them, I, quite frankly, was appalled. I guess I thought it meant several boys and girls turning off the lights and climbing into beds or sleeping bags together for the night. </p>
<p>Then I came to realize it could mean male friends of my D’s spending the night on the couch because their drive home was a distance better traveled in the am. Or it could mean a bunch of kids staying up most of the night watching movies, soaking in the hot tub and finally crashing or leaving early in the am. No couplings. </p>
<p>One still has to be very careful and not too lenient. But my shock eventually gave way to “ok under certain controlled circumstances.”</p>
<p>I think it is very important to know who the host parents are, the level of supervision, and who will be attending before you consider a coed sleepover. I know that there are those out there who have had good experiences. After all, what is the difference between a coed sleepover and a church lock-in? (answer: the level of supervision/chaperoning). </p>
<p>We had a horrible coed sleepover experience several weeks ago. I called the host parent, who seemed pretty clueless about the party he was “hosting.” I did not have a warm and fuzzy feeling, but I let S2 go anyways because he claimed that I didn’t trust him. He did not stay for the entire night - I picked him up at 2 am - because he had a soccer game the next morning. I told him that he could not let down his team with a bad performance (he is the GK) if he stayed up all night.</p>
<p>Our state prohibits drivers under 18 from driving between midnight and 4 am, so I went to pick him up. When I arrived at 2 am, kids were leaving the house to go to their cars to get alcohol. I watched them. S2 swore that he hadn’t been drinking but others were. He tried to tell me that “someone spilled something” on his shirt. (I have since learned about the chemical reaction that occurs when ethyl alcohol is metabolized. It changes into acetic acid, which has a pungent, sour smell completely different from unmetabolized ethyl alcohol. Hence, alcohol that is spilled on a shirt smells different from alcohol that has been consumed.) </p>
<p>S2 continues to deny drinking but admitted that others did. The alarming fact was that one of the girls who probably weighed 110-120 pounds did 11 shots of vodka in a short period of time. She became violently ill, which probably saved her from alcohol poisoning. I won’t even discuss the raging hormones and couples falling into the closets. At best, it sounded like an out-of-control party; at worst, an orgy. After that experience, we told S2 that he will not be attending any coed sleepovers ever again. </p>
<p>Unfortunately we still have Prom & post-graduation Beach Week ahead of us. (uuuuuugh!)</p>
<p>Meh, I don’t see the big deal. If kids want to do things, they’re going to find somewhere to do them. Plus, a lot of people won’t because they’re creeped out by parents being in the next room. </p>
<p>I had coed sleepovers while I was in high school, and most of the time we were all dating (couples would stay over). Didn’t see it as a big deal. Most of the time it was just because we were all too tired to leave. </p>
<p>Often times we would have them while my parents were away. They used to invite friends over to stay the week (my friends, which were both males and females) while they were gone. Our house was always an open place. My parents’ reasoning was, if people wanted to have sex they were going to have it. No difference if it was in the house or in a car.</p>
<p>ETA: We also never smoked or the like. The only time we ever drank at a sleepover was at my graduation party and even then we split like 5 wine coolers between 10 of us. I actually know of much more drinking and smoking at same-sex sleep overs than co-ed sleep overs. That’s just my experience though.</p>
Nope not kidding. My kids didn’t limit their friends to only kids who were in their classes or their EC’s. They went K-12 in the same school district and grew up with a lot of their high school friends. During high school they did their own things - classes, some chose Vo-Tech, sports and other EC’s. They had a diverse group of friends.
Most of these kids I have known since they were little and know their parents as well.</p>
<p>BTW - how do you socialize when you are in the classroom? Aren’t you supposed to be paying attention to the teacher?</p>