The UC Berkeley Regents’ decisions were just released, and my friend was chosen, along with being selected for the M.E.T. program (Management, Engineering, and Technology). We’re both interested in going into business, so I am obviously happy for him. However, with that joy also comes a deep feeling of jealousy. He applied to over 20 schools (including all 8 Ivies) and this was his first decision. Now he can go to one of the best business schools in the world in an extremely selective program at one of my top schools with a huge salary at an elite company waiting for him after graduation.
I’ve gotten into the Kelley School of Business at Indiana and the Tulane Honors Program, yet I feel overwhelmingly envious of my friend’s decision. Maybe it’s the fact that he’ll probably get everything that he wants with his other 22 colleges; maybe it’s that his program is so awesome and I’m sad about the fact that I didn’t apply to it, nor was qualified enough to get a Regents invite.
I know I may sound resentful in this post, but I’m mainly just stressed, dejected, and regretfully jealous. In general, my heart always drops whenever I hear about someone else getting into a prestigious school or program. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be at the front of the pack, and I don’t know how to tackle these awful emotions. I’m not sure where to start.
Sorry for the rant. Any advice would be appreciated.
Unless the school literally has an agreement with companies to guarantee placement, EVERYONE has to work hard in school and in the job search to make that happen. You have just as much opportunity to do that as he does.
Where you go to college has little to do with your success in business. Business is very much a “what have you done for me lately?” environment. Stay in your lane. You can ALWAYS find someone who has “better luck” or maybe has more talent than you do. Spending your life paying attention to others will just make you unhappy. You can control how hard you work and how you present yourself. Focus on those things. Hardworking, humble, and competent go a long ways – a lot further than a specific college name on your diploma.
he is not guaranteed “a huge salary at an elite company waiting for him after graduation” because essentially no one is guaranteed that. there are people who go to berkeley who end up amounting to nothing, just like there are people who drop out of college and become millionaires. life works in funny ways. i completely empathize with the jealousy feeling. it’s difficult watching those around you get so lucky; however, count your blessings: you were granted acceptance into one of the best undergraduate business schools in the country, and you were granted acceptance into one of the country’s best universities’ honors program, two things thousands of kids would kill for. you, too, are so lucky. try not to lose sight of that. i wish you all the best.
Note that UCB MET is a high workload program, as it needs to complete the full requirements of both business and and an engineering major. Students need to take 20 unit semesters, instead of the usual 15-16 unit semesters. So don’t be too jealous of his increased workload.
“Where you go to college has little to do with your success in business.”
Very true.
Something that can help a person do better in business: Helping other people to do well, and celebrating the success of others.
@collegiate65 if you are even remotely successful in life, then you are going to run into a LOT of people who are very successful. Many of them will be more successful than you. Some of them may understand your industry better than you do. If you want to work at a company where you can be successful, and where the company will do well, and where you can learn, then you better hope that there are lots of people there who are more successful and more knowledgeable that you.
You should celebrate your friend’s success. If he is wildly successful, and if you keep in touch with him and keep on good terms with him, then you will know one successful person. Over time hopefully you will have a great many friends who become very successful. Every now and then one of them will help you in an important way. Every now and then you will help one of them in an important way. That is a big part of what business and life are about.
The long wait to hear from colleges (and I’m assuming you haven’t yet heard from everywhere you applied) is a stressful time for any kid who’s worked hard and cares about where they’ll end up, which sounds like you. At stressful times, nearly everyone occasionally has feelings that are unworthy of them and don’t reflect their best sides. It’s important to recognize this, which you clearly do.
Sooner than you think, this process will be over and you’ll start looking forward to the next four years, for which you already have some exciting choices and soon will probably have more. When you get to wherever you’re going, as others have said, the experience will be what you make of it, and will depend much more on who you are than which school you attend. Pretty quickly, what you’re feeling now will become a distant memory.
In the meantime, try to look on the positive side and be careful not to say or do anything that you’ll regret and which could damage a friendship that was probably built over many years and is important to you.
My Dad used to say that he wished all of his friends were rich ; i.e. that he wished them all success and prosperity. Wish your friend well and follow your own path, and share your hardships and successes. Things happen for a reason.
Life is too short to spend it comparing what you have to what others have. Be happy for your friend’s acceptances and be happy you already have two excellent acceptances in hand. There will always be people who have more and who have less that you. It is your choice – you can make yourself miserable comparing yourself to others who may have more or you can be happy for them and with what you have achieved. I suggest your life will be better by choosing the first option.
FWIW my D had many friends who ended up at Ivy and equivalent schools while she went to a very nice LAC. She was very happy for all of them. That said, my D probably had among the happiest four year experiences, got a fantastic education, and had a terrific outcome after her bachelors degree (in an Ivy master’s program now). You will not defined by solely by your undergrad college – it is what you do with your opportunities that matters most.
I think all of the advice given has been great advice. My daughter is going through a very similar situation. Hang in there!!! I came across a couple of good books if you are interested. I bought them for my daughter and she is not interested in reading them yet, I am keeping them though just in case she changes her mind:) The first one is titled “Where You Go Is Not Who You’ll Be” by Frank Bruni. The second one is “Leaders 3.0” Good Luck to you!!!
I can imagine it is very frustrating! You may feel your are as qualified as he is…or you may not.
But there is always someone smarter/more qualified/got a better job than you…you have to spend your energy on doing the best YOU can and not comparing yourself to other people. Someone else is jealous of you getting into Kelley School of Business at Indiana and the Tulane Honors Program,