<p>Marti Phillips-Patrick, a former secondary counselor, posted this article, below, on the NACAC (National Association for College Admission Counseling) listserv with the comment: “Interesting…a silver lining?”</p>
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<p>Admittedly, I haven’t read the articles yet (and perhaps they’ll convince me otherwise) but I don’t believe that there’s a significant correlation between competition for uber-selective colleges and increased family togetherness. In fact, I see lots of parents who are bent on “elite” admissions parking Junior on college campuses for multi-month summer programs as early as sixth grade or substituting lessons in everything from French to fencing for the family Monopoly games and backyard barbecues that I grew up with in the 50’s and 60’s. </p>
<p>And even if “cohort-crowding” means that, for a circumscribed period, some parents do spend extra hours anguishing with their offspring over essay topics or nagging about SAT study, I don’t think I would be quick to call this “quality time.” </p>
<p>Pollyanna that I am, I would like to think that, if today’s parents really are spending added hours with their kids, it’s because they’ve discovered that life is short and childhood even shorter, and it’s too easy to miss it. Of course, maybe more parents are spending time with their kids these days because everyone’s unemployed . :(</p>
<p>Anyway, College Anxiety = More Family Togetherness is an interesting theory but I don’t completely buy it.</p>
<p>College anxiety has probably resulted in less togetherness between my son and me, since he seems to avoid me sometimes so that I won’t bring it up. But it has been good for my wife and me. Nothing brings spouses together like mutual concern over a child’s well-being. We commiserate daily about it over dinner. It’s more interesting than, “How was your day?” :)</p>
<p>I think that researchers jumped the gun, between the first part of the statement on their research, and the latter parts.</p>
<p>“After three decades of decline, the amount of time spent by parents on childcare in the U.S. began to rise dramatically in the mid-1990s. Moreover, the rise in childcare time was particularly pronounced among college-educated parents.”</p>
<p>Now, let’s ask, “why would college-educated parents spend more time on childcare in the U.S.?”</p>
<p>–Because it’s extremely difficult to get work in the professions without moving away from ones extended family. This is especially the case where both parents have advanced degrees. </p>
<p>–College-educated parents aren’t dumb. A lot of group day care homes for small children are really pretty bad. Two adults for ten babies and toddlers is not unheard-of. Who wants to do that if you can possibly avoid it? Instead, most of the college-educated young parents that I have known have tried to balance their hours, take leaves from work, etc., while their children are young.</p>
<p>–Working at home is definitely on the rise. People learn how function with an eye on the kids and on the computer screen. </p>
<p>As for the second part of the researchers’ assertions, that parents are spending more time with their kids on college prep, I don’t know. I think mantori suzuki has a good point - chatting about college and about how school went does beat reflecting on the anguish of the adult day.</p>
<p>Sally, I’m in agreement…I will need to read thru this to fully understand their perspective but I don’t think its college anxiety that fuels family togetherness. </p>
<p>I know I have always felt it such an important aspect of parenting to simply "be together"and have navigated my professional life to permit this. I worked part time while my kids were little, and upon returning to full time work 10 yrs ago I still made sure to be available for all the school, social events important to them and made sure we shared dinner together pretty much every nite. I’ve been fortunate to be able to work from home 25% of the time. We celebrated holidays with extended family…cooked together, laughed together, kids performed their own plays, spent time at playgrounds, parks, pools, museums. I have three teens, 13, 17, 19 and though they have their own social lives, we still do barbecues, watch movies, talk about books we’re reading, swim with our golden, etc. just plain hang out. I’ve always been a big proponent of family time being relaxed and positive. the studies that point to family meals, and the shared talking that naturally occurs during meals, as essential to preventing drug use and creating open communication has motivated me. not college competition. This time together has been the ritual where issues like college drinking, world politics, and even Family Guy routines are reviewed. I think because of our close family life my kids have remained focused on healthy goals, learning, friendship, community service…and in turn this led to their own engagement in the process of seeking the best college for them.</p>
<p>One of our main reasons for starting our home engineering conulting business was so that DH and I could be home when the kids return from school each day. I can also rearrange my schedule fairly easily so that I can go to most of their games and track meets. This summer, I can drive our two boys to work at a local farm, and cart my daughter and her friend around. Sometimes it’s a zoo, but it’s worth it. My husband definitely spends more time with our children than my dad could with my sister and me.</p>