College Decision Day 2019 is past. How is everyone feeling? Lessons Learned?

Parents Forum
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Mine was a 17 grad but I’ll chime in.
Don’t overlook schools due to overall ranking, grad rates, or acceptance rates. Look further. Some departments may be highly ranked, great programs, great merit, etc.

Don’t assume every college with Greek life is full of sex-crazed, hazing maniacs. At big schools you can be independent with little or no interaction with Greek life if you choose. If you are smart about it some Greek organizations are run well.

Visit when the time is right for your student, family and budget. Look at your schools policies for going to these visits early (ours were only allowed 3 allowed days off per year junior and senior year for college visits.

Plan your budgets early before student even starts thinking about looking. Know how much and how you will pay. Let student know up front that they need to stay within the parameters.

Always have an acceptable safety.

Look at honors colleges at big state Universities. Some make the school have a small feel.

Consider housing costs in with your tuition plans.

Don’t hold your student back because you can’t let go or want them to do something other than their desired path.

Not all students can or should go to college.

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@abbeany I also have a magnet on the way! and a garden flag and a dog collar…and gear for sister and more for him!! Sounds like that have a full weekend of fun planned for parents/families weekends. I booked our move in hotel the day we got back from admitted students day in February. I know its the place for him. He still has a tiny bit of hope waiting for ND but I think once the next week or so passes he will finally be able to let it go and BOILER UP!!! where are you from?? We live just outside of Philly near Villanova campus.

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(just ignore us for a minute) @PopUpZone1921 --we are from outside of Buffalo, NY. He was “this” close to committing to a VERY small (2,000 students). LAC 2hrs from home. Now we are going 8hrs away (or 2 plane rides) w/41K students. Ha. And we just got him Purdue Pete socks. I need to reign myself in here…

Relevant—Your kid may totally surprise you and decide to go completely rogue and pick somewhere that will push them far out of your and their comfort zone. If you can afford it, and there are no other barriers, including the travel, do it. Trust that they can make the next 4 years a completely different experience than you or they had imagined. It may be tough for us, but in the long run it will be best for them.

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@abbeany Yikes! My son got accepted to 2 great LAC, one a 6-7 hour drive away from NYC and other other, a plane ride away (in Illinois). We visited Knox to do our “due-diligence” and guess what…he’s gonna be in Illinois!!! Not what I was expecting. Not thrilled about the travel. But thrilled he’s going to a great school where he’ll flourish. We’re shipping stuff out there, and he’ll store his stuff on campus for the summers until he graduates.

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@Trixy34 This is the link to the event… https://www.suny.edu/attend/events/event_detail.cfm?eid=222&etyp=STUDENTEVENTS&mindt=2019-05-15%2000:00:00.0&maxdt=2019-05-15%2000:00:00.0&etypid=1

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I felt better prepared with S19 than S16. I am very happy with both kids’ decisions, but I will feel better 6 months from now if/when S19 is settled and as happy at his school as S16 is now. We are also still in a holding pattern for several local scholarships, so I am still anxious about that. And I’m sure after that, I’ll find something else to be anxious about. Good thing my kids aren’t as anxious as their mom.

  1. Definitely run the NPC. Don’t assume the estimated/average amount per income from the schools is correct. We would have saved a lot of time had we done that earlier.

  2. Do FASFA early - as that will give you the EFC as well. With S16 I thought I had to wait until I had my current taxes done. I knew FASFA was important, but didn’t realize getting it done so early was important. Once I saw our EFC I was like “oh no” and then did the NPCs. Ugh. But S16 knew what we could and could not afford and was not married to any one school.

  3. S16 spent a LOT of time & effort chasing national scholarships. Not the mega prestigious ones, but ones he found on those online sites for $1000-2500. He did not get a single one. He did get several local scholarships, but OMG. What a waste of our time. S19 didn’t even bother and just concentrated on the locals.

  4. Be open to visiting a lot of schools. Where your kid ends up may surprise you. I didn’t even know S16’s LAC existed, and I lived in this state for 30+ years. He is type of kid that would have been happy in any setting, so we were after the best school for the $$$. S19 is headed to a large in-state public like we suspected. But I hadn’t seriously considered his school until we visited. We had never been and were blown away by how much we all liked it.

  5. Visit/talk to department professors, if possible. S19 had a lot of questions about his possible major and I think it helped him get one of the department’s scholarships.

  6. I would rather someone reject me 1000 times than watch my kid get rejected/waitlisted from something. In the long run I know disappointment is a good thing, but it still sucks.

  7. Visiting colleges is still the only part of this process I like. I will miss those! So much positive energy and excitement.

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Overall we are relieved that process is done. Last Summer I had a goal in mind for COA and we got under it and we are happy with the school. We feel it will meet our D19’s academic needs.

Lessons or suggestions:

High stats start early in life for kids. So work on the study habits in middle school

Not being high stats is not the end of the world. There is a college for everyone

Don’t send any ACT/SAT scores to any schools until you are happy with the results

By the end of Junior year understand how much money you can afford for college

Based on your kid’s stats and your money find schools that are affordable. Merit decisions may make this a little hard but research the ranges for your kid’s stats.

If you have a high stats kid and you are going to go for a full ride or full tuition scholarship make sure your kid knows the chances of them receiving the scholarship and that they can only go there if they get that scholarship.

If a school is totally outside of your budget don’t bother applying. (this can be tough for merit that is unknown)

Lastly put everything on the table for the kid to understand going into the process.

Also on visits talk to as many current students as possible.

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@gpo613 Thanks for insights!

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@abbeany - Awwe - I’m bummed your son won’t be with us (at the LAC 2 hours from Buffalo), but I hope he LOVES Purdue!

@Theoden - thanks for the link. I have a snowball’s chance of getting D22 to NYC, much less NYC to hear about college!

30

In addition to everyone else’s, I learned that there are a lot of high stats kids! In the high stats kiddos, there are average high stats which is quite humbling! The competition is fierce! For merit and scholarships!

31

There are many variables that might not gel until the last 2 yrs of high school. I’m talking about major, SAT/ACT, scholarships, possible college sports involvement, etc.

By the time some of those get clarified, it’s too late to see very many colleges. So I agree that even middle school isn’t too early to start looking…not actual dedicated college trips or official tours, but taking advantage of being in the vicinity while on vacation or traveling to stop briefly & check out potential schools. We checked out dozens of schools, & still missed a lot that would have been good fits. Both kids ended up at colleges that were barely on the radar until very late in the game.

32

So glad this is over. Random thoughts:

It is tough when there are so many kids who have worked very hard and now they are expected to be able to accept rejection even though they exceeded every single standard set by the school. It makes no sense.

I learned that the job of the tour guides/admissions office is to cast a huge net to get rising seniors to APPLY.

The admissions pitchmen and women all claim they want to give your gifted kids the best they have to offer - and the hook is set. Our kids apply not knowing if their AP-driven life will get them in, and we wind up paying for a $75 lottery ticket. Meanwhile, these schools boost their US News and World Report status. “We had 45,752 applicants and 400 were accepted! We are SO selective!!” Admissions is a lottery where the odds are subjective and never publicized.

It is difficult when kids are gifted academically, get perfect ACT/SAT scores, NMF, President of this or that, music honors, internships…only to learn the “travel sports” kid who can jump high and smack a volleyball got into Stanford with a full ride.

A few days later when they open the “it’s-not-you, it’s-me” portal response, it is difficult to think, “Stanford made the right choice by accepting the Volleyball Smacker and not me.” I learned that at first, it was pretty tough to be happy for that 6’6 freak of anature, but then again, that is exactly when we need to teach our kids how to be happy for someone else.

It is our job to tell our kids to move on and don’t look back. Embrace whatever opportunities are there and make the most of them. Sulking about unfairness is a waste of time.

The AP level kids are practically like family members by the time Senior year rolls around, and there are few questions about one another’s abilities. The smartest kid may have not been accepted to Harvard, but the connected kid or Early Decision kid was. This is all just a test of emotional intelligence and some can move forward and others let disappointment overwhelm them.

This is when kids and parents learn that by showing some class, they win. They must learn to get over the fact that the sun shines on some more than others in these situations, and it is as random as rain. Not much you can do about it.

I also see a bit of irony in all of this. The T20 Schools seem to want epic stories about resilience and yet, with the exception of athletes, they don’t allow kids who failed at much of anything in their doors.

Finally, I learned it is best to lighten up about all of this. There is always Graduate School!

God help us.

33

@moooop yes, my son’s two finalists were late on our radar. One of them a fluke I suggested he apply to (cause I heard the name when I was applying to colleges) and the other on a list suggested by the Princeton Review while he was doing their online SAT prep. Funny eh?

34

I am overjoyed the selection has been made and son can move on. My son worked so hard and checked all the boxes, unfortunately we were unable to send him to his #1 choice but #2 is a perfect fit, too.
Lessons learned:

  1. I wish I had him cast a wider net of applications. He applied to only two locations, 2 schools is SE, 3 schools NE. However, I thought $600 (for 5 schools) was enough for apps and audition fees.
  2. I wish he applied to State universities. In and Out-of-state. I think we missed some opportunities.
  3. If you make over $100K, expect to add $15-20K to EFC. We knew he would not receive much FA, so had to rely on merit/talent/outside scholarships for any help. The schools Net Calculator gave us unrealistic figures. EFC + CSS = 50% of COA. Many schools gave Parent Plus Loan as part of FA. It’s still a loan.
  4. For multi-child families, don’t forget the last one, fiscally. Unfortunately, I based savings on #1 and state school COA, so #4 child had savings for one year. 14yrs separation between #1 and #4. Costs for state and private, literally doubled.
  5. Seniors are stressed and super busy during this period and the college app/audition process is grueling. Start your essays over the summer. Start filling out the apps as soon as they open. S realized there were more than one essay per school. One school asked for 10 short essays.
  6. Pay attention to the scholarship deadlines. If you realize you missed it, ask for extension.
  7. If you have questions about ANYTHING, email school rep. We found everyone to be very helpful.
  8. And, last, I wish found CC earlier in the process. Found the group after Application deadlines. So much information here.

I’m looking forward to celebrating graduation now.
Thanks to everyone for their help and experiences.

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  1. Think of college admissions as a business. Despite the glitzy tours and the “we want you!” mailers, they will take the class that best fits their needs that year. Which makes it all a crapshoot.
  2. Even if you have perfect grades and perfect test scores and perfect ECs and perfect volunteer work there are thousands of kids applying to each school. You might get rejected because they have enough perfect applicants to fill their class 5 times over. You might get rejected because you’re so perfect that they don’t think you’ll accept their offer and it will hurt their yield.
  3. Have your student do their due diligence to find their best fit, and write their “Why College X” essays accordingly. You need something to set you apart and this can be that thing.
  4. Admissions committees are looking at the entire student. It’s no longer just about the best scores and the best grades. They want kids who are passionate about things - make sure your student’s time in high school isn’t spent just studying.
  5. Have an honest discussion about finances. First with yourself, and then with your child. You really need to do a cost benefit analysis on each school. For some families that means picking the school that results in the least debt. For others that means turning down full rides to study somewhere that means a lot to the student.
  6. Remember that no one else gets the right to criticize your decisions. Your child might apply to 3 schools or 30. You might pay $250k for their education or $25k. Do your research. Make your decision. Then tune out everyone else.
36

I didn’t find CC until applications were submitted. In the end, my son is happy with his college choice and so am I so it all worked out in the end.

Lessons learned:

There are so many different deadlines and application options nowadays.

Seniors busy are some parental help with dates and logistics is not going overboard on helicoptering especially when other families are hiring help. Admissions is competitive.

Start 6 months earlier than you think is necessary.

Always apply early if it is an option.

37

I’ve been enjoying listening to seniors tell me their future plans. Most are going to college, though few are going to colleges that are often recommended on CC. Some got rejected places. Some can’t afford places. The neat thing at our school though is all are looking forward to what they are going to do with the exception of a couple who just aren’t really sure (aren’t heading to college - unsure of a job - no idea what they are going to do this summer and beyond).

I like working in a place where the students don’t feel they have to make Top 50 or they’re failures. We have three going to UPenn this year (I think three in a year is a record for us), yet still the others are looking forward to their futures just as much.

I also like knowing most will come back at some point happily telling their stories - majors changed (for many) - but still with a positive outlook for their future.

The biggest caution that I give them is not to major in party or accept something from someone when they say, “here, try this.” The most likely culprit causing failure is substance abuse and addiction (not where they went to school).

Best wishes to all starting out!

38

“College Decision Day 2019 is past. How is everyone feeling?”

Hurt myself doing so many backflips. I am ecstatic for the empty nest. For safety reasons, I will try to bring the rental car to a complete stop when I drop this last kid off for his freshman year, but the tires will be screeching after every stop sign and red light all the way to the airport."

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@bloomfield88 this made me giggle. We spent last night tracing the map with our fingers, alternately zooming in and out, thinking about all the delicious possibilities of where we can go. We’re looking forward to empty nest too!

40

In the end my D19 is very happy. What I wold do differently.

  1. Agree with visiting schools early. By Junior year there was no time. When I suggested looking at some private east coast school my daughter could not even begin to wrap her head around going to any school that had less students then her high school (2600) so those were off the table. I wish I would have exposed her to a few examples of small private schools.
  2. Spend time by 9th and 10th grade talking with your kids about their passions and trying to support/guide any EC's or programs that will help them craft their story of who they are. They don't need a dozen EC's, just a few focuses or passions that are supported by classes, EC's, awards.
  3. Develop school list by end of junior year. Understand ED1 and 2, SCEA, EA, RD, Rolling. Try to having an early acceptance in the bag before RD come out. Make sure any school applied to your child would actually attend (there were three that daughter applied to that she told me later she wouldn't have gone to if accepted).
  4. Totally agree with no dream school. As much as you can develop pro's and cons of all school so final decision is the number one choice.
  5. Starting Freshman year have your student keep a calendar. Have them document every time they work, volunteer, attend a meeting, so you can easily account for everything.