I think you draw it where a few people are being singled out in an unfortunate way and they can’t escape it. In my opinion, it’s institutional bullying.
Schools have only one or a few valedictorians. Not being one doesn’t single you out.
Kids who don’t graduate don’t attend graduation. So they’re not singled out publicly on that occasion.
Pictures of the prom in the newspaper don’t necessarily include everyone who attended. So they don’t draw undue attention to those who did not attend.
But if you’re one of the few kids in your school who won’t even be able to attend your local community college because your family needs you to get a full-time job to help pay the bills, the day when everyone but you is wearing a college shirt could be a devastating experience. And it’s not something you can escape (without skipping school, which causes issues of its own).
Earlier in the thread I gave examples of situations I consider similar to this – motherless kids having to make Mother’s Day cards in elementary school, and kids being asked to provide baby pictures of themselves (which adopted kids may not have). I chose those examples deliberately because only a few people would be singled out, and the singling out could be embarrassing or painful. I think the same is true of these college decision customs.
I’ve never heard of a school doing “college gear day” as a way to show where you’re going. But I do like what D’s school does for seniors. Many of the admittedly small class are low-income, minorities and/or first gen college bound kids. First, as they get accepted, the foundation that supports the (public) school lists all acceptances as they come in, even if it’s to the CC down the road. Then on graduation, every single kid gets a bio page, spelling out his or her plans. For some, it’s a CC vocational program, for others, it’s a selective school, and this year, an Ivy. There are no “vals” and sals". But each parent/guardian gets to give a message to their child and the kids get to make a video for the parents. Then it’s shown during graduation. My favorite are the ones where English isn’t even the language being spoken, but the tears in the eyes and the pride on the parents’ faces tell the story. We have a nearly 100% rate of some form of higher education. I will take a school like this over a traditional one any time.
I’m really surprised by the number of people who are bent out of shape about this. I think it’s a really nice tradition. They took a group picture at my kid’s school on May 1. I think it’s a way of celebrating ALL acceptances equally. The kid going to State U is wearing his/her shirt as proudly as the kid going to Harvard. Also, no one’s really checking to see if the kid is wearing the “right” shirt. I saw some shirts in the photo from schools that no one is attending. It’s fun.
I’m not buying it.
Somewhere between half and a quarter of graduates don’t go to college. Out of a class of 300 or 400, that’s hardly “singling” them out, either.
Good point. If your high school has a high proportion of graduates who don’t go on to college, I don’t think you have the kind of problem that some of us on this thread are worrying about. I also suspect that you don’t have rituals that require everyone to wear a college sweatshirt on a particular day.
But some of us come from communities where 90 percent or more of the kids go on to college – in some cases, close to 100%. That’s a different situation.
As far as I know, this isn’t done at D’s school. In fact, there is a ban on wearing college gear until graduation.
This is not about celebrating all acceptances equally or about looking around for the big name shirts. It’s not about our outside perspectives on the event. It’s about being sensitive to the students who may not be celebrating their acceptances or their next step in life. I think it’s too soon for some kids who are still feeling the sting of rejections, or who have had to give up a school due to a disappointing or nonexistent FA award, or who have no options about which they feel happy…yet. They’ll get there soon enough but I don’t see why their classmates can’t support them. Is it really such a sacrifice to refrain from wearing college gear for a few more weeks?
@Marion, I have ‘fatherless’ kids who always did Father’s day cards in preschool and grade school. No issues. The loved the ‘father/daughter dance’ for girl scouts. No issues (except when they cancelled it, my brothers were crushed). One is adopted and no baby pictures before age 3. Who cares, she just uses one of those. The other had medical issues as a baby and doesn’t like to share some of her youngest pictures because of the medical equipment, and we just use one she likes.
Life isn’t even or fair, and taking away the joy of some kids doesn’t make it so for the others. I really believe every one of those kids wearing a Cal t-shirt or MIT sweatshirt deserves it. If others didn’t get it, they have to deal with the disappointment. One kids at my daughter’s school was headed to Navy, and yes I was kind of tired of hearing about it at the sport banquet, at the awards ceremony and she was the only one singled out at graduation, but it was her time to shine.
I went to law school with a husband and wife, and the husband didn’t pass the bar. Very disappointing of course, but he still came to the swearing in for his wife. Life sucks sometimes.
Our school seems to have moved college t-shirt day from May 1 to late May or June 1. With all of the waitlisting the UC’s have been doing the last couple of years, the May 1 decision ends up changing for some students later in the month.
I was surprised by post #25 citing a ban on college gear. My son’s school has a (fairly minor) dress code, and the rule is that you can’t wear clothes with any writing or logos unless they are from the high school, a college, or some other clearly academic program.
Neither the high school that I attended back in the day nor our local school that my kids attended had any such college day traditions. But it doesn’t bother me that some schools do. In fact I find it kind of refreshing that a school would choose to celebrate academic achievement/excellence in a campus-wide fashion as opposed to the far more common celebrations of athletic achievement.
Theoretically, schools are supposed to be in the business of academic education. But based on what they often actually celebrate in a big way one might guess that their real focus is winning football and basketball games and championships. So I think it’s just fine if for a change a school chooses to take one day to honor the achievements of their scholars instead of their jocks by having them wear their college colors or sign some big poster next to their college logos.
Unless we are talking about some totally watered-down every-kid-gets-a-trophy pseudo-honor, in any human endeavor there will always be some individuals who didn’t win, or didn’t achieve as high as they hoped, or simply couldn’t participate for one reason or another. It’s an unavoidable fact of life. That’s not a good reason to do away with celebrating all the college-bound kids’ academic success.
Does falling short of your hopes sting? Of course it does. But by time they get to be seniors kids ought to be mature and resilient enough to deal with these disappointments and move forward in a positive way. Plus, seeing all the college hoodies and t-shirts on the big day might help motivate some of the underclassmen to study all the harder, save their money, and work to qualify for scholarships, so when their big day comes around they’ll be among the ones proudly wearing their new colors.
Our college gear day takes place as I said on the last day of school for seniors. The ONLY thing that seniors do that day is to stand around outside ( or in the Commons if the weathers bad) and take pictures together. I guess for those not going to college or who it bothers, they don’t have to go. Prom is the Saturday before and everyone really does go to that ( at our school it’s not weirded to go without a date and the school pays for kids who can’t afford it). So they’ve had a chance to say goodbyes. Attendance is not taken for seniors on gear day. The other kids still have 3 weeks of school at that point. )
Just started this tradition at my kid’s HS. They take a picture with their gear on – and these pictures will be displayed throughout the school. I am conflicted about it – I can see being sensitive to folks who may not be taking the college route, then again, it serves to commemorate the kids’ achievements (most of whom are heading to the big state U). Another friend w/ a kid at a private school shared her pictures – they get a professional photographer and take a picture w/ the kid framed with their current school name and a hashtag – #St.VincentMen#Forever.
May 1 is “wear your college gear” at our local high school. This is a high school where about 30-35% of the graduates will be going on to a 4 year college.
I never had thought about it being difficult for kids who didn’t get into their top choices or couldn’t afford to go to them. I feel bad that this had never occurred to me.
I know that there were no surprises to the kids - it was the same group that took all their AP and honors classes together and they mostly knew already where their friends applied, where they had been accepted and where they were going.
Our school makes such a push to ensure any college able kid can go. We have two major programs that help kids find ways to go to school. Since the majority of the school is well off we have the resources to pour into the low income population who consist mostly of URM’s. One program help the most academically talented find their way to elite schools who provide generous full need and the other helps kids find schools in their range that provide excellent FA. These programs also provide enrichment during HS. That gives kids the mentoring and cultural experiences that help them make a successful transition.
In terms of bans, I’m not at all sure that restricting ostentatious displays of social hierarchy like wearing “college gear” has any long term effect, either positive or negative.
This restriction of natural social impulses may manifest itself in other ways such as purchasing expensive handbags and other clothing with selective (and high value) labels. Early work by Lamarck and his followers indicated that when peacocks had their plumage trimmed for varying periods of time, it would grow back brighter and fancier than ever.
Control groups, which were deprived of the opportunity to shed and re-grow suffered a slight competitive disadvantage, although there is still some argument over whether the differences were statistically significant.
I understand your point Marian, but I still support the kid’s right to celebrate and don’t think that who is going where is much of a surprise to anyone. This is not a school requirement or even “school sponsored” in that no emails go out to the parents and it is not in the newsletter. The kids organize it themselves which means there is really no way to stop it. Our dress code does not prohibit wearing shirts with names of sports teams or colleges.
In my kids school seniors do have a day when they can wear a college tee, but it is a week after May 1st. Which is nice for the last minute deciders. Or they can wear any tee if they don’t want to wear a college tee.
Alternatively, seeing that all the seniors from your low-income neighborhood are wearing the T-shirt of the local community college or no college shirt at all, while those from more affluent neighborhoods are wearing shirts from your flagship state university or from pricey private colleges, could reinforce the feeling that for kids in your neighborhood, the options are very limited.
^^^agree! I guess that no matter how this tradition can be justified, it just rubs me the wrong way. It seems unnecessarily “in your face”. The kids all know where their immediate friends are going and , at least in our S’s case, he didn’t seem all that interested in where the rest were going. Of course there were kids who wore their college gear to school on their own but I know my own son would not have liked the tradition of having a designated day .
One of my son’s friends from HS had to quit the soccer team his sr. year to go to work to help support his family. He is now trying to go to our comm. college while he works full time but has to pay his college costs while helping with the family income. He is a bright kid but did not have the opportunities that most of the group had. This whole “college day” concept seems like one more way to rub it in.