Is it likely that students from high school will run into each other often in university? What if they are in the same small program, and have had conflict in the past? Will this affect the learning environment and make everything more competitive/difficult-to-learn?
If they are in the same small program, they will see each other. Regarding conflict, I’d say that if you (or your kid) are party to the conflict, just stop engaging. Be civil, and ignore the other person other than that.
Maybe your child could attempt to be the bigger person and try to “bury the hatchet” before the kids go to school. Clear the air and start fresh.
I wouldn’t choose a college or a major over this. This could be preparation for the work world, where you have to be professional and civil to people, even if you wouldn’t go golfing with them on the weekends or you don’t particularly like the other person.
@roethlisburger makes some good points.
On the other hand, if I had a choice of two or more colleges or jobs that were similarly appealing, and one of them gave me the opportunity to avoid someone I couldn’t stand, I might take that into account in my decision making.
Agree with @roethlisburger here.
And depending on high school and students within, it may not make much of a difference. In my case, I ended up finding 7 HS classmates from my graduating HS class at my undergrad and I regularly ran into 4 of them. Fortunately, we got along great.
When I went to my large state university, one of my friends ended up in a dorm room 4 down the hall from mine. Another was involved in my major EC, and also ended up in my same major. We sat next to each other in a class senior year. But it didn’t make a huge difference either way, and I could have mostly avoided talking to them if I wanted to.
At this time last year, my dd was choosing between two equally attractive large state schools. Her “arch-nemesis” from high school had committed to one of them. It would have been fine, except that they were both admitted to the same small program. It was a big factor in my dd choosing the other school. My dd is very happy with the school, and the decision.
I had to make an effort to interact with my HS friends in college. But, I went to a large school. That being said, I just found out last week that I went to college with one friend. Four years, never knew he was there (and we were friendly in HS).
I’m honestly just so glad that I never had to deal with this problem because none of the people I hated in high school could’ve even gotten into the caliber of school I attend…if they were even able to go to college at all. Being intellectually superior to all the jerks in high school feels so, so nice now.
My D opted against going to one school because a girl that she knew was going there. The girl lasted one month before transferring to a local school. My D didn’t dislike the girl but she was very clingy to my D and my D was afraid that she wouldn’t make friends if this girl was always tagging along and that the girl wouldn’t make friends either. She knew that she wouldn’t be able to avoid the girl because she’s too nice so she chose a different school. It worked out well for her.
My current son will be attending the same college as my close friend’s son. Although they have known each other since K, they are not really friends although they don’t dislike each other. I doubt they will interact too much. They are in different majors and are choosing different living quarters. We have discussed having them fly up and back together so that we can carpool to the airport.
Hopefully both kids will have matured, put childish things behind them, and can cooperate like adults if they do cross paths again. This will likely happen. My daughter was extremely competitive with a particular boy in highschool and they both ended up going to the same college. In highschool, she referred to him as her nemesis and often mentioned how he annoyed her. Away from home, at a big school with few familiar faces…they now treat each other as old friends. They have had lunch together and treated each other kindly. Put two familiar “enemies” in uncharted territory and you might be surprised how easy alliances are made for the sake of familiarity and maintaining a connection to home.
Also, personal conflict is a part of life. Nearly everyone experiences a coworker they don’t like at some point in their career. Learning to separate your personal feelings from your professional behavior…is an important skill. It’s ok to work on this one in college.