College Essay Criticism Needed, Please!!!

I am an international students whose parents don’t speak English at all.
So I desperately need someone to read my college essay! I’m trying to apply to Carnegie Mellon and Berkeley and would like some constructive criticism. Please comment or PM me if you can help.
Thank you so much!

I’ll help! PM me.

I would love to read it & critique!

I can help

Sure I can help you with that, just send me

I can help critique and fix English errors!