College Essay Critique!

College Essays
1

Hi could anybody give me some helpful critique on the first draft of my common app essay? I am trying to get into a competitive college around New Jersey such as Princeton or UPenn

Here is the link:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jqhf5GhAipLupqig84Ij4Ejk3uJEdgXtxd8Un_suHSg/edit?usp=sharing

Any advice would be appreciated :slight_smile:

You can also email me at “vpuli98@g mail.com” if you are able to help, it is only a short read. Again, thank you for any help :slight_smile:

2

ive jst found out that google docs are not allowed to be shared on college confidential so please email me so i can share a copy

3

i have posted a copy on this page if you would like to read it first: https://■■■■■■■■■■■■■/post/95213553/2/

(only a first draft)

4

Final link: https://masterx14.■■■■■■■■■■■■■/