<p>what do the colleges want to see in the essays? Do they want to see your personality, how you can contribute to the university or what? What topics are better to write? What do you in the essay need to show the colleges besides personality?</p>
<p>[Essays</a>, Admission Information, Undergraduate Admission, U.Va.](<a href=“http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html]Essays”>http://www.virginia.edu/undergradadmission/writingtheessay.html)</p>
<p>HTH</p>
<p>wow, I wouldn’t call this bad</p>
<p>Excerpts from essays to U.Va.</p>
<p>–The bad: From an early age, we accept death as the inevitable, but do not comprehend its actual denotation. Death is the impending future that all people must eventually grasp. In my early teens, my grandfather tragically perished. As a youth who did not identify with such a cataclysm I was saturated with various emotions. Initially, I was grieved by the loss of a loved one and could not understand why this calamity had to befall upon my family. I always considered death to have a devastating effect, but was shocked by the emotional strain it places upon an individual.</p>
<p>Did you see why the reader considered it bad? Too broad pronouncements – lack of focus. Not that these things aren’t believed by the writer or even the reader – but the writer is attempting too much in the confines of a 500 word essay. Plus, the unnatural use of “big” words is very distracting. Who speaks like that except in a “I wanna impress” essay?</p>
<p>“The bad: From an early age, we accept death as the inevitable, but do not comprehend its actual denotation. Death is the impending future that all people must eventually grasp. In my early teens, my grandfather tragically perished. As a youth who did not identify with such a cataclysm I was saturated with various emotions. Initially, I was grieved by the loss of a loved one and could not understand why this calamity had to befall upon my family. I always considered death to have a devastating effect, but was shocked by the emotional strain it places upon an individual.”</p>
<p>It’s bad, because it’s written unnaturally. In a vain effort to impress the admissions officers, the writer is using a lot of big words in unnatural ways and sometimes in incorrect ways. For example, “denotation” is used incorrectly.</p>
<p>“As a youth who did not identify with such a cataclysm I was saturated with various emotions”</p>
<p>One person’s death is not a “cataclysm.”</p>
<p>" Death is the impending future that all people must eventually grasp. "</p>
<p>Huh? I assume he meant that everyone will have to face death, but what’s the point of saying that except to add to the essay’s word count?</p>
<p>That whole paragraph reveals nothing except that the writer’s grandfather died during the writer’s teen years, and the writer felt bad about that. It’s a lot of words to reveal very little about the writer.</p>
<p>geeps: What’s your thoughts on our critiques?</p>