<p>THIS IS A PERSONAL ESSAY FOR NJCU // THANKS!</p>
<p>For me college isnt just a thing I have to do but something that Ive strived for for my whole high school experience. Trying to be as diverse and unique as possible was something Ive always tried to accomplish. Getting to the point of attending NJCU has been a journey only I will ever say Ive traveled.</p>
<p>My life wasnt the easiest but so isnt many of other kids lifes out in the world. Having to deal with my fathers crack addiction and my mothers oblivion I had to take care of myself and my education without parents help which also taught me a lot of responsibility. I had to balance my personal life an education life equally but you and I both know how difficult that could be. I worked at an Eye Pediatrics office a as a receptionist for my sophomore year and at a local café for my junior year till I recently graduated. </p>
<p>My passion for art has helped me get to the point where I am right now, art has kept me on my feet and focused. Throughout my high school experience Ive taking Honors Art courses since my freshmen year, with that each year I added something creatively challenging for example my sophomore and junior year I took Graphic Design and finished off senior year with Video Production. My passion for film started growing enormously after taking it my freshmen year at my first high school, from there the second high school I attended when I was eligible to take the film course I filmed a lot of school events, talent shows and town board meetings for my own personal enjoyment. Thankfully my family was able to travel the world and experience and acknowledge things outside of the norm, which has taught me a lot and followed me throughout my whole life. I eventually lived in Europe for a good chunk of my childhood and learned a lot whilst I was there, playing large roll into my passion for</p>
<p>You clearly have a lot of things to talk about, but this is a curse as well as a blessing.</p>
<p>The main problem with this essay is that it goes in wwwaaaayyy to many directions, but doesn’t follow any of them very far. I feel like each sentence is picked from a different person’s essay; there is no connection between topics. This means that I’m left with a ton of questions at the end of the essay.</p>
<p>First of all, what was the prompt?</p>
<p>Second why NJCU, not some other college?</p>
<p>Third, what does, “has been a journey only I will ever say I’ve traveled,” even mean? </p>
<p>Can you go into more detail about your family?</p>
<p>How does art help you? Go into detail. </p>
<p>Why did you go to Europe? How, specifically, did that help you to grow as an artist?</p>
<p>You might be able to tie all of these topics together into an essay which makes sense about how art has helped you deal with stress caused by your family life. But make sure that you make the relationships between topics clear.</p>
<p>The prompt is basically an essay about your aspirations and motivations that caused my decision to apply/attend this specific school. </p>
<p>I chose NJCU because not only is it in Jersey it is close to NYC - I am a NJ resident which means I would be paying a less rate for a good college that I can commute and dorm in. </p>
<p>I can go into detail with my family, I wanted to know if bringing that part of my life was was okay…?</p>
<p>“I can go into detail with my family, I wanted to know if bringing that part of my life was was okay…?”</p>
<p>You either leave it out or bring it in. You don’t say “my father was a crack addict,” and then not explain it. The way you wrote it, it looks like you just threw it in for sympathy points, but didn’t bother to work it in as part of your essay. </p>
<p>I think your best bet is to talk about how your family situation/other things in your life motivated you to go into art, and then maybe talk about NJCU’s art program.</p>