Hey guys, this is my college entrance essay for my Asian university.
The topic was: Is 21st century the Asian century or American century?
I will really appreciate it if you can help me with some grammar or logic.
Thank you all.
Amid the technological advancements and ideological evolutions across nations,
Asia is becoming more noticeable in the global stage of politics and economy. Some even Asia will eventually surpass the United States, giving it the term the Asian century. All in all, considering Asia’s growing dominance in cultural, economic, and political sectors, the 21stcentury is going to be Asian century rather than the American century.
Despite the firm military and economic relationships between the United States and
Asia, the economic prospects of many Asian countries will eventually break such ties giving way to the Asian century. Firstly, China is putting down hefty investment plans to gain the economic upper hand from the United Sates, as seen with the foundation of the Asian International Investment Bank. Through the AIIB, Japan, India, Australia, South Korea, and other critical nations will develop crucial investment partnerships with China at the cost of the United States’ economic influence over the world. Secondly, the fast growing GDP per capita rate of Asian countries(an indicator of a nation’s economic success) is increasingly becoming greater than those of Western nations. Compared to China’s 9.5-10%, India’s 6-7% and Southeast Asian nations average rate of 4-8% growth rate, the U.S.’ and Europe’s growth rate fall at 2% on average.
First of all, a bit of advice: it’s generally not a good idea to post the full text of your essay publicly on CC, as somebody could easily plagiarize it. Secondly, since you did post it, I’ll add that you may want to write more of a conclusion as your current ending is pretty abrupt and doesn’t really ‘wrap things up.’
I agree with @theoriginalclone both on the warning about plagiarism and the need to have a better conclusion. You probably want to go back and talk about a bit about last century’s having been an “American” or “Western” century, while this century, for reasons you describe, will likely be an “Asian” century.
As for specific grammar and usage, please note the changes in caps:
Amid the technological advancements and ideological evolutions across nations,
Asia is becoming more noticeable ON the global stage WITH RESPECT TO politics and economIC GROWTH. Some even SAY THAT Asia will eventually surpass the United States, AND REFER TO THIS CENTURY AS “The Asian Century.” I THINK THAT THIS WILL INDEED BE THE CASE, AND, GIVEN Asia’s growing dominance in cultural, economic, and political sectors, I BELIEVE THAT the 21st century WILL LIKELY be “The Asian Century” rather than “The American Century.”
Despite the firm military and economic relationships between the United States and
Asia, the economic prospects of many Asian countries will eventually RESULT IN THOSE COUNTRIES breakING FREE OF (or you can say DISSOLVING) THOSE ties, giving way to the Asian Century. Firstly, China’S hefty investment plans WILL HELP THAT COUNTRY gain the economic upper hand OVER the United Sates; AS EVIDENCED BY the foundation of the Asian International Investment Bank. Through the AIIB, Japan, India, Australia, South Korea, and other critical nations will develop crucial investment partnerships with China at the cost of the United States’ economic influence IN the world. MOREOVER, the fast growing GDP per capita rate of Asian countries (an indicator of nations’ economic success) is increasing AT A GREATER RATE THAN those of Western nations. FOR EXAMPLE, compared to China’s 9.5-10% GROWTH IN GDP, India’s GDP GROWTH OF 6-7%, and Southeast Asian nations’ average GDP GROWTH rate of 4-8%, the GDP GROWTH RATE IN THE U.S. and Europe FELL BY 2% on average.
ADD CONCLUSION HERE