<p>I am written a college application essay and I am going to copy it here. I plan to submit it to NYU, Boston U, UCLA, UC San Diego. General comments on length, focus, and uniqueness. Any hints/suggestions are welcome and thank you so much for taking your time to read this!</p>
<p>It is, BTW, exactly 900 words.</p>
<p>My life in Nepal would have been a dead-end story I would, predictably, grow up and go to a private college, get a mediocre degree, and marry a man I may not love. A chance at intellectual and charitable pursuit would be virtually impossible, considering Nepal was a poor, developing nation of nearly 30 million human beings living with conservative ideals and falling trap to illusions of political and financial stability. As a twelve-year-old living in an environment dominated by caste systems and influenced by a rather corrupt education system, I had no idea what tolerance and pursuit of happiness meant. Yet I realized I could break free from these backward societal attitudes and pursue a more liberal interest much like my father, whose hard work and determination led my family to the United States of America and drastically changed our future. Today, nearly five years later, I am a changed individual, inspired by my own accomplishments since I entered America, and excited by the opportunities that await me as I prepare to pursue a higher-level education in the U.S.
In the face of adversity alienation, assimilation, and challenges of diversity I pursued a diligent approach of observing and analyzing. Initially, I had to overcome the challenge of integrating into an alien culture that clearly contrasted with my own. I was most taken aback by the frankness, the way my American peers could voice their opinions and participate in open-minded discussions without fear of persecution. Sometimes I found myself doubtful and scared when in fact I should have embraced the idea of free speech all along. When my turn came to speak, I found the transition from quiet and unquestioned obedience, to respectful disagreement uncomfortable, but necessary. After I adopted my own voice through my opinions, I began to understand the need to share with others my individuality. This led me to consider the idea of community welfare in order to reflect my personal values and outline my lifelong goals of service. For these reasons, I embraced two ideas: philanthropy and volunteerism.
In Nepal, the notion of philanthropy was a grim reality: greed, poverty, and work occupied its citizens, who were not interested in charitable pursuits but only concerned with putting food on their plates. Philanthropy in America, I discovered, extended beyond monetary concerns: it referred to ones willingness to sacrifice the time and talent necessary to make others happy. And so I, a 16-year-old optimist hoping to save the world, joined a nascent group, Story County Youth Philanthropists, and served in its board of directors with eleven other students to decide how we could distribute $5000 within our county. The first year was a great success, and has personally changed my view of the town of Ames; I had, for instance, never considered the idea of racism a problem in our seemingly liberal town to that effect, we granted five hundred dollars to stop the spread of racism by encouraging diversity through community conversations. This was a significance achievement for me personally, because as a foreigner to this country, I would like others to accept me as a unique individual of equal caliber, regardless of my race or skin color. In any case, the experience was eye opening and influenced my decision to participate in SCYP my senior year, where I plan to involve myself more rigorously in an effort to make a more lasting impact. Perhaps this determination stems from my desire to fix a wrong I could not right in my own country, Nepal, where misfortune and ill opportunity haunts many.
My motivation to serve also extends to volunteerism, a task I find meaningful and satisfactory. At the Mary Greeley Medical Center, for instance, I frequently deliver gifts to patients, and I find that they are tremendously gracious, affectionate, and wonderful people who leave a lasting impression upon my conscience. Furthermore, when I provide baffled visitors with directions and patient room numbers, they are appreciative of my patience, a skill I acquired with much discipline. This discipline has also extended to my volunteer work at the Ames Public Library, where I find solace and a sense of familiarity with books my companions during those times when I desperately needed to improve my English and master my writing skills. Ultimately, I find both volunteering and philanthropy to be valuable and a time well spent, and both are affiliated with a personal motivation and a sense of direction that strives to encourage me. Indeed, I am always looking forward to impress upon others my willingness to do more than is expected of me whether it is rearranging entire bookshelves, personally delivering a gift, or granting money to needy children for the purchase of school supplies.
The liberal attitude of the American people, the versatile academics in their high schools, and their willingness to look beyond their own misfortune to aid others has impacted my life in inspiring ways: it has made me decide on a career in medicine; it has encouraged me to appreciate diversity in myself and others; and it has influenced the way I think about education and its value, for without education, a chance at self-invention and insight would be unthinkable. The culmination of these attributes, in fact, has aided me in developing my identity and a strong sense of self, and with this conviction, I have found courage to aspire to my highest potentials.</p>