<p>I’m interested in your child’s experience at college after having a very structured high school life. My son is a high school golfer and swimmer and has spent his summers traveling to golf tournaments and his springs have been spent preparing for his summers on the golf course. He also did club swimming for many years when he was younger. He has chosen to attend a large state school which was a safe-match for him. He wouldn’t even consider a smaller school where he could be on a team. He’s always been a good student and having limited free time has helped him to get his homework done because he has to get to it right away when he’s home. I just wonder how he’ll do in a much more unstructured environment since he’s had so much structure since the age of 7 when he started club swimming. Any thoughts or experiences appreciated.</p>
<p>My d had been involved in basketball beginning at age 8. She played year round, the last 4 years playing for a Nike sponsored team that traveled extensively thruought the country. She also went to a small (800 students) private high school, that was extremely structured, where she played varsity basketball for three years. She was recruited to play in college (was offered some partial scholarships) and chose to attend a small college in Boston. She went thru the whole preseason workout with the team and was told she had a starting spot on the team at which point she announced to us that she did not want to play anymore. She felt like her whole high school experience had been so structured and she now wanted to experience college without the structure of a sport. I must say she is (in her words) “the happiest I have been in the last 4 years.” She absolutely loves her school, is doing very well academically and tells us she made the right choice.
Good luck!!</p>
<p>The lack of structured time in college can be a challenge even to kids who didn’t have such time-structured extra curriculars. </p>
<p>Kids go from having every class every day and being in class 5 days a week, 6-8 hours per day to having large chunks of time during the day with no class. And…having classes that meet only 2 or 3 times/week. Many kids find this switch to less structured daytime to be somewhat difficult…even kids who have had block schedules in HS. It isn’t unusual for students who did very well in HS to find themselves with grades they’ve never seen! After the first paper is due, or the first group of mid-terms are done, most kids find that they need to re-evaluate how they spend their day time. </p>
<p>So…it’s possible this problem may be compounded for a kid who is used to having almost all of their time structured. </p>
<p>It would certainly be worth talking about…and involving outside help in time management and executive functioning if you anticipate an issue. Many campuses have workshops on time management…and encourage freshmen to attend…but I’m not sure how many actually go!</p>
<p>your son seems like a pretty mature guy if he can handle playing sports, going to school, getting good grades, and still having a normal life.</p>
<p>i just finished first semester and came from a relatively structured high school life (mostly my own doing–my parents weren’t super involved with everything i did…i was pretty independent). i think it went fine! i was pretty prepared when it came to living independently (getting work done, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, setting limits, going to class, etc), doing homework, and balancing work with play. i would assume your son will probably be similar.</p>
<p>what i wasn’t prepared for, though, was the type of independence that largely comes from being…alone. the first few weeks of school–months, sometimes–are incredibly lonely. i cannot imagine how i would have survived if i went to a school where i knew no one (many people from st louis go to mizzou, so it wasn’t so hard finding a familiar face every once in a while). i thought the hardest adjustment to make was re-creating my core group of friends; i had forgotten how much time it takes! </p>
<p>it would probably be a good idea to remind your son that making new friends on a more than superficial level takes time, and until then, things at school can be pretty lonely. however, if he hangs in there and gets to know people on his floor, in his classes, and at his favorite hang outs, he will be just fine.</p>
<p>good luck to you both!
kristin</p>
<p>I think it depends on how the structure was provided. By the senior year of high school, it’s optimal is the student is ‘in charge’, more or less- to give him a chance to experience independence while it’s still possible to have a safety net. I realize that throughout childhood, and up through the end of hs, parents take charge and provide a lot of guidance and monitoring (I did). But if you’re concerned about it, give him the reins in the senior year of high school and see how he does. </p>
<p>I always looked at it as a ‘weaning’ type situation. I gradually let go throughout hs, and that included setting schedules, monitoring study time, sleep time, etc. What’s particularly nice about the senior year is that the entire second semester really doesn’t count for much, so it gives him a chance to see how he does when he’s really on his own.</p>
<p>My kids were both year round athletes, band, student gov, part time jobs… let’s just say they had extremely packed schedules. All is well at their huge state university- they’ve done just fine. </p>
<p>It’s actually a GOOD sign to be able to handle sports and academics. If he can do that, he can handle college.</p>
<p>My daughter had an extremely packed high school schedule. She got to college and found things to do, so now she has an extremely packed college schedule. There are many, many organizations with great activities students find and enjoy. Or, they might really like having time to veg.</p>
<p>Thanks for the info and encouragement. I’m sure my son will do great. I just have to have something to worry about, I guess. I’ve been reading this board for a while and was all geared up for the stressful college application season and it turned out to be drama-free – he applied to his first choice school, was accepted three weeks later and that was it, leaving me with lots of free worrying time. He actually does have pretty free reign on his life. The only thing I get on his case about is leaving in the morning in plenty of time and that’s because he drives his sophomore brother to school and it’s not fair to him to be late because of his brother. </p>
<p>I just don’t want him to go to school, stop all physical activity, gain 40 pounds of beer belly and major in Guitar Hero.</p>
<p>It’s very hard as a parent to go from stressing out about each grade and EC
and how it contributes to the college acceptance
to letting go the reins so they can make some mistakes while they are still
under your roof but that is what I know I should be doing. Someone recommended The Launching Years: Strategies for Parenting from Senior Year to College Life by Laura Kastner. It looks somewhat helpful.</p>
<p>I think alot depends on how short of a leash YOU kept him on in high school. There’s a difference between chosing to have a structured schedule due to homework and sports, and being kept on a short leash by the parents because they are afraid of what kind of trouble them might get into.</p>
<p>If he’s being responsible enough to manage his time himself at home, then he’ll probably do just fine in college.</p>
<p>At freshman orientation at one of my kids’ LAC’s, the Dean of Admissions told all the parents to count on the fact that they would all trip up over something, sometime during freshman year, simply because they are freshmen. Figuring out for themselves what went awry, and fixing it up, is an essential part of their first year.</p>
<p>Possibilities: oversleep, overprogram, underprogram, fail a course, fail several courses,
insult a roommate, alienate a h.s. friend long-distance, miss a flight home and have to stay in a motel (mine did that one)…whatever it is, they’ll figure it out and self-correct.</p>
<p>One of the big problems I’ve seen, but only in boys, is that if they aren’t careful, they get taken over by playing computer games when they go to college. There is no mother to yell from the other room–“Quit playing that video game and get something done!!”</p>
<p>So they play all night, and sleep all day…and get up just in time to play some more video games. </p>
<p>Result: academic probation…</p>