<p>Oh dear, Hanna, I agree. Loving caring parents put their kids in day care. And nannies can be great too. Maybe I’m missing something, but is Brittney Spears not hiring a nanny? Why is her bodyguard watching her kids? I’ve been on airplanes reading garbage I guess.</p>
<p>Well, back to the degree disparity angle of this thread, from the first posts, in my own family of childhood there are six people, 3 men and 3 women. The three women (my mom, sister and self) each have earned masters degrees. Two of the three men (my dad and one brother) have earned bachelors and my other brother did not finish his degree. </p>
<p>In my “now” family, however, I expect things to line up more equally. Both H and myself have masters degrees. S and D will each earn bachelors at the very least and most likely will earn post-bac degrees, too.</p>
<p>I do worry more about D meeting potential life partners who have equal education (not just in college but after). That’s the one thing I always preached: find a mate who has the same level of education as you do. I never anticipated such disparity. Luckily I’m not sending her to college next year for her MRS. :)</p>
<p>doubleplay: If I had had the talent (muscle memory) to play piano well enough to do what you do I can’t imagine wanting to do anything else. I really miss S’s practicing. He is taking violin lessons at school so he definitely is practicing that, but he says he’s keeping up with piano too. And he’s in a basic theory class with a keyboard lab.</p>
<p>I hope he remembers his violin when he comes home for Thanksgiving because I so miss hearing it. At least we have the piano here, so he’ll have to play that for me.</p>
<p>
Yes. The intelligent ambitious woman I married would not want another life. Moreover, I simply would not want to be married to someone who was a SAHM, no more than I would a smoker, a vegetarian, or a conservative Republican…there would be simply too great a clash of values. [I put vegetarian in there because I would drive <em>her</em> nuts, not vice versa as with the other.]However, my attitude is of concern only to myself, the women I dated, and the woman I married.</p>
<p>
I don’t know where anyone has ascribed “barrel of laughs” or “easy” or anything if that ilk to either choice.</p>
<p>
You offered the BOTH scenario by implication as being superior. That is what I take offense at and if you clarify that this is not what you intended then I withdraw my objection.</p>
<p>
I haven’t noticed that I’ve kept you from speaking for yourself, repeatedly and at great length. Let me know when I do so, okay? It is a marvelous statistical fluke that there’s someone I disagree with as much as I do with you but it’s on issues defined by you, not a generalized projection on my part. There are even threads where I’ve agreed with you on one thing or another though those are doubtlessly lost in the noise.</p>
<p>momof2inca: Haha. I have a PhD and H has a masters. He is working now on another masters, a terminal degree (MFA.) We joke about whether or not two masters equal one PhD.</p>
<p>“find a mate who has the same level of education as you do.”</p>
<p>:) If I followed this rule, I wouldn’t have had a boyfriend since my first year of law school.</p>
<p>MomofTwoPeruvians wrote:
I can’t say that I don’t have similar anxieties. D is likely to wind up in a super-charged environment that provides many changes of employment and meeting guys who take it as given that neither she nor her career will take second fiddle is an interesting prospect. If her H-to-be is in the same/similar field, I think it will be even more trying. And if he’s in a business where relocation is expected as part of a career path, Ain’t Happening…most of her career action will be in D.C. and what isn’t will be in NYC, Boston, and LA most likely.</p>
<p>KM #77: good post.</p>
<p>Sjmom (re: your post #79),</p>
<p>I think the reason that “mommy wars” erupt is that both SAHM moms and working moms are sensitive to comments that are critical of the choices they have made. When people see comments that could apply to them or their families, they feel that they must post to defend themselves. I think there have been about an equal number of posts slamming working mothers and slamming SAHM mothers on CC, but, as a SAHM, you tend to notice the ones that apply to you, while as a working mom, I tend to notice the ones that apply to me. </p>
<p>I repeat what I said in Post #44 above: “It all boils down to this simple thing: Everyone should do whatever is best for their family, without judging others.” If we all followed this rule, there would be no “mommy wars”.</p>
<p>Agree with you there, MomofTwo, but human nature seems to like to push these superiority/defensive stances when it comes to parenting. Must be the Mama Bear in us all.</p>
<p>I guess my H married down. Oh well! We’ve been together for over 20 years and it has not been a problem.</p>
<p>i tried to catch up on this lengthening thread, but i’m sure i’m losing a lot of details. first i want to say KUDOS TO JHS!!! my husband and i are both professionals, and because of our very different work hours were there for our kids. we CHOSE daycare, tho it was really socioeducational. NOT babysitting. we are about to celebrate our 36th wedding anniversary and have raised awesome girls, that at times i can’t believe came from us…bright, mature and so grounded! anyway, i have some very strong views that won’t be welcomed by all…we no longer need the MOM to stay home! she needed to in the days when she farmed, washed at the riverbank, and helped build the house, as well as try to teach the kids in between farm chores. as kids grow, i think many moms HURT them by devoting their entire focus on them…these kids often become overly indulged or dependent. IF parents are truly there for their kids and continue to grow and pursue their own GROWTH AND INTERESTS, however THAT HAPPENS, THE KIDS WILL BENEFIT. to stay home automatically because someone says it’s best for kids is empty. kids want and need their parents to be all that they can be. this especially hits upon the MOMS…women who have education/talents/gifts and have something to give to the world IN ADDITION to their darling babies should do so! altho corporate america is behind other countries in this regard, there should be much more equity in the child-rearing process. BOTHBOTHBOTH need to parent.</p>
<p>Well, that’s Nancy Chowdorow’ position and she really got me thinking. According to her misogyny is the result of imbalances in child rearing. She suggests that because women are the primary caretakers of young children both girls and boys learn to resent women because they have so much power over them. This is exacerbated, according to her theory, by primary school teachers being overwhelmingly female.</p>
<p>But I am fortunate to know all sorts of families, two women, two men, single parents, traditional family structure w/mom at home, dad at home and two career couples and it all seems to work when the adults are sensitive, loving, adaptable and empathetic. All parents need these qualities to do the job right, and these traits are not the preserve a particular group of people, nor do all the people of any particular lifestyle possess these traits.</p>
<p>I hope my reactions will be true to my ideals. I don’t care if my D marries up or down so much as certain criteria are met: is he kind? is he supportive? does he have a sense of humor and make her l laugh? is he smart? is he trying to do <em>something</em> with his life?</p>
<p>The second-to-last may be out of place but I think I know my D too well…she won’t be happy in the long term with someone who doesn’t or can’t keep up with her. </p>
<p>I’ve already passed the test on some religious differences of bf’s. Haven’t fully been challenged on the racial/ethnic side of things.</p>
<p>MM, add to your list of potential resentments that it’s often the woman who decides whether or not sex will take place.</p>
<p>I trust my D enough to believe she would not marry someone who is not right for her … regardless of his level of education, religion, nationality, line of work, etc. </p>
<p>And if she makes a mistake, she’ll figure out how to handle it. Even though I was a SAHM for most of D’s life, I DID raise her to take care of herself!</p>