<p>I started in CC last year as the panicked mother of a DS - a high school senior who ultimately was admitted to an Ivy League university. I am now the panicked mother of a college freshman who has not learned to balance social life with school work and is now getting mediocre grades. He stays up until the wee hours talking to his housemates and reading stuff on the Internet, and then starts on his homework. A few weeks ago, we went to the school for Family Weekend, which started on a Friday so parents could attend a class with their child. We got to DS’s first class about 20 minutes late and found him fast asleep in his class. Not a lecture hall where if you sit in the back no one sees you, but a fairly intimate class of about 15. I watched through the small window in the door as he slept through the entire rest of the class. He had stayed up the entire night and still had not completed his homework for his later classes. The courses he is taking aren’t difficult for him, and he could do well, but he is enjoying a real social life for the first time and is slacking on the school work. I’m not afraid of him failing but just doing C work when he is capable of much better. Dad and I have talked, threatened, reasoned, but his midterm results indicate no change. Are parents permitted to contact advisors for problems like this? Am I making too much of this?</p>
<p>“Am I making too much of this?”</p>
<p>Let us know!..I am mostly posting so I can follow this thread later…</p>
<p>Maybe I’ll feel different when/if I’m in your shoes, but it seems to me at some point you have to let your kids do what they do and be who they are.At this point, he’s an adult, he has to make his own life. </p>
<p>If he is only just now enjoying a real social life, as you describe it, maybe let him? It IS important to have a social life, especiallyto young people, and especially if he missed it in highschool (which seems sad to me). I’m guessing he sacrificed a lot to get to where he is and he’s entitled to make his life at this point. He may be making up for lost time and its important for him to experience another side of his life that is as important as his GPA. </p>
<p>He’ll figure it out. He knows what to do, he knows the pros and cons, and he has to weigh them and make a decision.to get where he’s at, he obviously has self-discipline and motivation and good judgement (in general). One party year is not going to kill him. Having so-so grades from Ivy is not going to be a bad thing. IMHO, the LAST thing he needs at this stage of his life is for his parents to micro-managing him.</p>
<p>Been there, done that with a son! Said son is now in medical school and producing those A’s he is capable of. Oh, he still enjoys his social life, but has learned how to balance it with studying. As a freshman I was sure he would end up on probation, but he figured it out by sophomore year. </p>
<p>I think especially when the work is not challenging it is very each for these boys to get a bit caught up in their new found freedom. Hopefully your son will also realize that all play and no work isn’t the way to go!</p>
<p>Even though we could afford to pay full fare, we made our daughter pay for part of her education - through work study or loans. She is at Cornell and they are known for their heavy workload. Before she went, we discussed with her what’s the minimum GPA requirement for her to continue to go to the school. She decided to join a sorority this year and also to live at the house. We knew there would be more commitment (meetings, volunteer work, pre-gaming, mixers and rushing). Again, we reiterated our expectation. The kind of internship she is looking for also needs min 3.5 GPA. Once we have discussed everything, we left it to her to figure out what she needed to do. If she could afford to party every night, more power to her.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t want to micro-manage my kid, but at the same time I would not want to waste 50,000 a year for my kid to sleep through his classes. Threats don’t work unless you are willing to follow through. I think your kid may know you best.</p>
<p>You always raise some good points oldfort, but I don’t think he’s wasting tuition. Okay so he slept through A class, maybe even several. But most? I think focusing on outcomes, not the i-between is what matters (or it is micromanaging).</p>
<p>And college is much much much more than just As in courses. There is the social life, the clubs, the meeting new people and professors, talks, maybe protests, living on your own, figuring out how to manage your own life and achieve multiple goals simultaneously. going to be ups and downs but its how you do in the <em>long run</em> that matters. Fortunately there are four years and about 8 terms, not just one term. I would feel my child wasted things if they only got great grades and missed out on all the other important aspects of college (though agree there is a balance to be found to take advantage of it all).</p>
<p>I guess what I’m thinking is don’t stress. Its the first term. This kid is just getting the hang of being popular AND doing school well. He’ll figure it out. And he’ll do so for him, not because of parental pressure.</p>
<p>My son did the same freshman yr. He ended up with basically a C average. He lost part of his scholarship. The scholarship will be reinstated if he brings the GPA back up. In order to return to his school we had him make the decision if he was willing to take out a student loan to cover the difference. He was. He is extremely tight with his money. He now has a strong reason to do better.
Soph yr and he is working harder. Getting up and attending every class. Starting on projects before the night before they are due. He is engaged in learning and has grown up a ton.</p>