Hey guys! I go to UCR, and so far, while the academics are quite challenging, I love it here! I feel like I am right where I belong.
Over the summer, I made quite a few friends through the Facebook page, and we started to hangout the first couple weeks of the school year. Then, I noticed through social media that they would always make plans/hangout without me. Whenever I would ask them to hangout, they would either be down or unavialble. But it seems like they never want to include me in anything. It’s really upsetting.
Now, I have expanded my horizons, befriending and bonding with my residence hall (we’re like family), joining extracurriculars, and meeting people through all walks of life. So I’m just stuck with them. But in all honesty, I am disappointed that they have treated me like this. I never understand why people act like this and seem to never want to include others, and to go as far as to push their own friends away from them.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do? Thank you, and have a goodnight.
I don’t understand this – you have other friends, but you’re stuck with the old ones? Why are you stuck with the old ones? If you don’t think they’re treating you well, you don’t have to be close with them.
Many people grow apart from the people they met before school started or in the first couple weeks of school. Those friendships are often more based on proximity than real compatibility.
bogangles, I actually meant how they’re not my only friends. How I have befriended my hallmates and people in extracurriculars so I am not just stuck with them.
I think you have to understand that meeting people on Facebook and social media is not the real world. While it can be a great way for initial contact and a way to then meet in person, it is not reality. Because it isn’t real, sometimes when we meet people in person, it isn’t a match. Long before social media many people who first connect on social media and then find they have no real connection in real life, never would have moved past hello had they initially met in real life. Are you following? Social media serves as a platform for introductions only. Beyond that, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. In your case it didn’t. You simply weren’t a match for this group in real life. No big deal. You have found other friends. Its all good.
What should you do? It seems clear. Move on from the “friends” you made on Facebook and focus on the real friends you have made since you arrived at college. This is not all that uncommon – people can bond online but sometimes things don’t click when a lot of time is spent together. You can still say hi to people in that group if you see them on campus, but there is no need to spend any time with them. You are fortunate that you have made a solid group of friends outside of the Facebook crowd so you can happily move ahead with people you care about and who care about you.
On FB in the beginning of the year, everyone wants to make some kind a friend so they know someone when they get to school. Then they “try each other on” and see what friendships stick. Unfortunately they did not stick with you. But that is okay, you have found another group that you do stick with.