<p>No, not grad school/law school aps, though those are now firmly on the horizon.</p>
<p>I’m talking about…the Bridesmaid Zone. <shudder></shudder></p>
<p>D had a conversation over dinner the other night with her best friend since 6th grade. Friend asked, “Hypothetically, if I get married, will you fly to Seattle to be in my wedding?” I note that friend, whose birthday is 12/26, left LA on 12/24 to fly back up to Seattle to spend Christmas with boyfriend.</p>
<p>At least the airfare during on 12/24 & 25 is cheaper than normal, flights every hour, and with availability-at least, as of 3 weeks ago. Pray for a shotgun wedding?</p>
<p>Better the bridesmaid zone than the bride zone–from the experience of someone who got married (the first time) after junior year of college.</p>
<p>Scary zone, indeed. Several of junior D’s hs friends (who are in college all over the country) are already talking marriage. She (privately) thinks they’re nuts. However, she is set to be a bridesmaid this summer at older bro’s wedding. She’s thrilled that it’s occurring after her 21st BD as she’s planning on spending her time at the bar enjoying her singlehood.</p>
<p>D made an interesting observation: most of the girls in D’s circle approaching marriage are those who don’t have any designs on graduate or professional schools. Those who do are simply deferring or not even getting in danger of marriage in the first place. I don’t know that D is avoiding such a complication but she sure isn’t actively seeking them out.</p>
<p>ITM, I would not wish anyone a “shotgun” wedding. I’ve seen enough divorced single-moms with two-year-olds as it is.</p>
<p>I’m kinda agin’ early marriage myself, all the anecdotal testimonials to the contrary notwithstanding. I see people change too much in who they are, what their desired life trajectory is, between 20 and 25 in particular. Marriage is never risk free but there are several things you can do to cut down the odds of failure.</p>
<p>Otoh, wasn’t it Samuel Johnson who said that marriage is a triumph of hope over experience?</p>
<p>Yes, that was Sam, but he said that SECOND marriages are a triumph of hope over experience. Ain’t that the truth…</p>
<p>My suggestion on the bridesmaid thing – tell her to be discriminating. If she is a girls with lots of friends, it can get out of hand. </p>
<p>My youngest sister (Miss Sociability) was in 13 weddings, and when her best friend finally got married, she had to tell her no as she just couldn’t bear it.</p>
<p>A friend’s daughter (24) is going to be in 9 weddings between Christmas and the end of June. The locations are all over the US. The D. actually started a “bridesmaid’s savings account” at her bank in order to save for all these expenses.</p>
<p>At least it’s not about baby showers!</p>
<p>If you wonder about how many bridesmaids there can be at a given wedding, check out the bridesmaid scenes in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Heck, check out those scenes anyway.</p>
<p>With so many young people having trouble paying for undergrad, grad school, houses, and such, does any one besides me see this as kinda getting out of hand?</p>
<p>(Yeah, I know, if people want big princess weddings, it’s their right to pay for them. But dragging in their friends to the point that they need dedicated savings accounts seems, I don’t know, excessive? Just my two cents.)</p>
<p>Agree with you garland. I think it’s enough that they have to pay for their dresses–but when you add on cross country travel and sometimes hotel, car rental, etc. --plus hosting bachelorette parties and showers!! It really adds up!</p>
<p>Hindsight is 20/20. I always had a blast being a bridesmaid, but the outfitting process could be torturous…dying shoes, gowns that screamed bridesmaid & could never be worn again, trying to accomodate different body types with one style. How much easier it would have been to just have the bride pick a color & tell all the bridesmaids to go buy a nice cocktail dress (more modest for a church wedding) that can be worn again. Or just have a best man & maid-of-honor. I also think that out-of-town attendants should be put-up by the bride or groom’s families. Showers need not be elaborate affairs, either. What’s wrong with a nice luncheon at someone’s home?</p>
<p>I enjoyed being a bridesmaid – three times.</p>
<p>The first, the bride was still in college. We did the whole thing with the Quiana dresses and I did wear it again. The wedding was local to me – the bride was a high school friend. I declined the honor for her second wedding. We now have children the same age and live within a few miles of each other in a town 70 miles from where we went to high school.</p>
<p>The second – I was the only attendant. The bride just told me to find a pretty dress and fly home for Memorial Day weekend. We celebrated her 25th anniversary a few years ago.</p>
<p>And the third – we had really gorgeous royal blue taffeta tea-length party dresses that I was also able to wear again. Within driving distance. Unfortunately, I’m not in touch with this bride – it was 20 years ago.</p>
<p>Yes, I think if some thought is put into it, the expense can be kept down and enjoyment level up. For my son and DIL the bridesmaids were all fairly local–none more than a 2 hour drive. The groomsmen were local except 2 and we put them up at our home. One groomsman was in a difficult financial situation, so we paid for his tux. The bridal showers (2) were held in DIL’s church for local people and one was given by college friends at a friend’s apartment. The bridesmaid’s gowns were “chocolate” and the girls had 8 styles to choose from so that each body type was flattered and they can definately be worn again.</p>
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<p>My mom has always said the same exact thing. She never wanted her kids to get married before 25, my parents were married at 31/32 and had failed marriages when they were younger. Well, I’ll honor their suggestion, I’m getting married less than a week after I turn 25 (no kidding :D).</p>