College not going as well as expected

[chaosakita]

<p>To be honest, I want to say that I am kind of embarrassed to be posting this here. After I got into college, I thought I’d be mostly done with this board. But now I’m in a rut, and I don’t really have anywhere else to turn to. Thus, I made this post and I’m reposting it here for more input. </p>

<p>

This summer, before I came to college, I thought by now I’d be having a blast. I’d be getting **** done, partying, and, most importantly, making friends. Except that I’ve done absolutely none of that.</p>

<p>The road to getting to my college was pretty rough. I had a huge fight with my parents, who insisted on coming here because it was the cheapest school of the schools they approved of and it was close, which was important because they thought I was too immature to take care of myself. I disagreed with them about the distance (I live 20 minutes from home) and I thought the school was a bad fit. However, I worked something out with them, and I was really excited to be here.</p>

<p>The problem is, getting adjusted to school has been taking longer than I thought. For one thing, academics are kicking my butt. I wasn’t a good studier in high school, and now I have no idea how to deal with classwork here. I didn’t even know this was such a rigorous school until after I decided to attend.</p>

<p>But what’s really bothering me is my complete lack of social life. I was looking excited to the school partially because it was more exciting socially then its peers. But I haven’t been able to take advantage of it at all. The problem isn’t that I don’t have these things available to me, it’s that I have no one I can do them with. What’s the point of going to frat parties/tailgating/etc alone?</p>

<p>So I guess the big thing is that I’ve never felt more socially isolated my entire life. The thing is, I don’t really fit in with any group. I don’t really connect with the normal people here, and as for the more weird/nerdy people… well, I hate to admit it, but I’m not really feeling them either. I guess I’m kind of friends with a lot of people from the latter group, but I’m not really in their circle. I feel like I’m too judgmental of them too, but on the other hand, I don’t really think forcing myself to like people really will work either.</p>

<p>As for my backstory I’ve always been socially awkward, but I thought I really bloomed and got out of my shell my senior year and became a truly extroverted person. I had a great summer (although it could’ve been better). BUt one thing that really bothers me about college is that my two big defining features are non-existent here. Probably the most common thing that people who’ve met me would be that I’m funny and smart. I’ve been kind of a class clown type in school, where I’d say wacky and random stuff in class to get a laugh. Probably the one common thing people would say about me I try joking here, and everyone just seems to think I’m weird. I’ve never felt more self-conscious before, even when college is supposed to be a more accepting place than high school. As for being smart - well everyone is smart here. Even the football players. For better or worse, I’ve thrived on being the center of attention, and I have none of that now in a school of 6500 people.

</p>

<p>I feel like I’m a pretty social person. I love meeting new people and making small talk. Except now I feel like I’m just meeting streams and streams of new people, and I’m pretty tired of that. I have no idea how to make the next step of being friends, especially when people are super busy all the time.</p>

<p>On the bright side, I feel like this is pretty consistent with what’s happened in the past and my situation will probably get better with time. I’ve been to two academic camps at this very school when I was younger, and both times, while everyone else was having a blast, I never connected in the time I was there. Also, I’ve always had a hard time making new friends, and I didn’t really have my core group of friends until senior year. I really hated some of the people who ended up being my best friends, so I think it just takes time to get used to people.</p>

<p>But right now, I just have no idea how to deal with the isolation of school. So… Someone please tell me that this has happened to other people and it’s gotten better too.</p>

<p>Man, I need to stop procrastinating and go to make a counseling appointment. Oh well. At least fall break is this week.</p>

<p>Continued in the next post.</p>